Mom (95) Is in week six of AL. Out of state siblings hate that she is in AL though we jointly agreed to try at least 3 months ( doctor’s recommendation). Mom can be easily confused and I fear memory is slipping.One sibling tries to micromanage everything from afar and is very difficult. Mom is taking a blood thinner (has been long term) and manages her own medication at AL. Last week there was some confusion about her dosage of the blood thinner She misunderstood the nurse and thought she needed to be on a different dosage than what she had on hand. Her new prescriptions all come from the pharmacy at AL, and this “alleged “ change of dosage came from the AL doctor. But again, it was a misunderstanding on my mom’s part. There was no change of dosage (I knew this because the house nurse texted me.) I called my mom just to make sure she was clear and left voicemail- wasn’t too concerned because it just meant my mom was taking whatever was in her pill box.
The next day I realize in our phone conversation that my mom has misunderstood about the dosage. Apparently my mom did not think to ask the nurse and was confused on where she was supposed to get the “new” dosage of the blood thinner from. Somehow between her and my out of state sibling, they concocted a plan to bypass the AL pharmacy and for an old neighbor to bring some medicine in the new dosage - my mom had in her old stash at her old condo(still has it) 45 minutes away. No one involved in this had any clue it was the wrong dosage.
Luckily I did get it figured out before my mom or old neighbor took any action.
I want to note that the cost of this medication shouldn’t have been a driver in my mom wanting it from her old stash (It runs her $6 a month) but unfortunately I think it was. When I pointed to mom that her neighbor would spend that on gas alone, my mom didn’t seem to care and how she should have clarified with me or the nurse she just got defensive.
Luckily this time it was caught. But what if I hadn’t caught it? No one would be on the same page on her actual dosage. It could have been so much worse
Thank you for allowing me to vent.
Because the care (a good thing). Try discuusing how they can help on better, more positive ways.
If they are an anxious type, keeping a lid on their own emotions will be their task.
Or if a bulldozing controlling type - use strength back. Label it *Backseat Driving*.
They are NOT driving.
Therefore their choices are either keep QUIET in the backseat so the driver (you) can drive or GET out of the vechicle.
Who is the POA? The POA manages all this and isn't needing to discuss it with others.
This mishap with medication does dictate that your mother should not be in charge of giving her own medications in facility. Sorry. Understand the added cost, but this is too dangerous.
I think that I would be having a conversation with the neighbor. A mistake with blood thinners can be fatal and they should be made aware of this.
I pray for your moms sake that your interfering siblings will leave her where she is getting care.
Siblings ready to move Mom out after the three months. I have already been accused for Mom’s mental decline for “institutionalizing her”- Even though it was a joint decision that Mom and all siblings agreed upon.
If my mom leaves AL after three months like my siblings want, I am stepping back. . Getting out of the POA. It will just be more hare-brained schemes like having the neighbor drive 45 minutes to bring a prescription mom should be getting from the in-house pharmacy.
Thanks for your input.
Yes, the "learning curve" is frustrating but at some point it levels out. Because in facilities there are shifts of people and changes in staffing, there are a lot of opportunities for commuications to get messed up or fall through the cracks. Yiur family will need to figure out how to streamline it. Maybe the sibling who wants to micromanage would be the best point person?