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I have had my 84 year old mom in my home for 4 years. We moved her from Ohio to Florida because she was unhappy with the weather and my sister was moving from Ohio to Georgia so she would have been alone. We even bought a bigger house with an apartment in the garage so she could have her own space. Have addressed each of her many, many, many complaints and "issues" (handrails, bathroom paint color, temperature of the room, set up a mini kitchen for her so she wouldn't have to come up the steps to the main house - which she does many times a day anyway, and on and on). We also have a severely handicapped son that we care for, but she doesn't give us any slack for that. She does not cook or clean, but does do laundry. She has also reversed a lot of the independent behaviors we have gotten our son to perform by her interference. She has been extra greedy lately as we decided that she needed to start paying rent. She was literally eating us out of house and home and costing us a fortune in utilities, etc. Last week I found out that I have to have my third hip replacement on the same hip and it will likely be sooner rather than later as it is 60% worn in the socket and could literally dislocate at any time. It will be a long recovery and being the second revision is very complex. I told my mom this yesterday hoping she would "get it" that we are going to come up on a time where she is not the princess and might have to help out some with cooking/cleaning....her response.."Well no wonder, look how you use it". Not, "I am going to step up" or "let me know what you need me to do". She has been selfish and "me" oriented her entire life, but or some stupid reason I thought after all we have done for her; I would get more from her. It was extremely disheartening.

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No good deed goes unpunished. lol IF she's always been this way, I wouldn't expect her to change. And, I'm not sure that I would count on her to step up when you have surgery.
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Run away FAST!
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Mm.

I think... if you want anything concrete from your mother, you're going to have to spell it out.

It would be lovely if she could take a hint, I do understand. It would be nice to think that she appreciates all you've done for her and retains a sense of reciprocity and fellow feeling.

But she's 84, and not in peak condition herself, and - whatever. It's not going to happen, is it.

I should give it one last deep sigh, and then think what you'll need to do to plan your recovery without much input from her. What are the possible options?
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