Follow
Share

My mom has dementia and now lives with me, I have no help from my two siblings(they always have an excuse, or just dont respond when I call), and my 2 adult children has jobs and families of their own. I have been off work due to the fact my mom had lots of dr appts, and also I fcant leave her here alone for over 8 hours! My pay check was short and I had to use some of her money to pay my bills and get us food , whick now I dont have enough to start her in the adult day care(5 days a week,@ $1,600 a month!) let alone hire an aide to sit with her, what happens to me if I lose my job? I do have fmla but that does not help the money problem. Someone please give me some advice, I cry every night and worry all during the day!

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
SYLVESTER:

Amen to that!

LME:

You too, baby. At least you kept it real and presented Denise with another option should everything else fail.

TO THE FAMILY:

Sorry I haven't been around much. Have all the MICA (mentally ill, chemically addicted) residents (60 of them!) on my caseload now. ... If you're planning on becoming a counselor, make sure you are in counseling. Anyway, have to go. My own psychiatrist awaits. After me, he'll probably have to see his own.
(0)
Report

something is so wrong with our healthcare system that so many people find themselves torn between getting care for a loved one and earning a living to take care of themselves and family. I've worked in nursing homes and, due to our medical system, they just don't provide care, they have one cna for 10 patients and it's horrible! A patient with dementia can't speak up for themselves and they get passed by unless the family can afford to pay out the big bucks! So that's my vent for today.
(0)
Report

I am in ths same situation. I am a soaked sponge. Geez this is a tough one.
(0)
Report

I'm talking about if they were in their right mind. If you don't work then how are you going to have any money to take care of them and yourself. Then once they die what will you have left and in today's economy getting another job might not be that easy. For sure there are other options available although we or they might not like them, but I can't see such self-matyrdom and more so when their are children to raise unless of course you want your children to curse the day you quit work and made them feel like they were poor homeless people.
(0)
Report

not only trying to find the money to pay for it, those caregivers that are out there, ALL of us know if ou have a parent with dementia/alzheimer they dont even know you not going to work! They dont even remember if you had a job or what you do for a living. There are so many different aspects to caregiving and no one answer is the right answer, we just have to keep talking to each other and maybe one person will benefit from another persons suggestion. I love all my fellow caregivers out there.
(0)
Report

I guess that's true. They would want us to keep working and find them someone capable to care for them. Paying for it is another story.
(0)
Report

I don't think any reasonable parent would want any of us to quit our jobs particularly if we were still raising a child or children
(0)
Report

I need to return to work also. I'm thinking of looking for another person to live in and help out while I work and give them free rent and not sure about how to pay them. Wish I had a home business, but I don't. I've gained 20 lbs from stress eating!!
(0)
Report

Whow Private, you must have someone helping you. I havent quit my job of 10 years, I have FMLA but my problem is I have used all my paid leave up and there is noone here to help me so I can work fulltime, but thanks for the advice of the Salvation Army, will check that out. Where are you from? I know here in Baltimore everything has a long waiting list,no funds or she does not qualify! Im ready to move to Tacoma,Wash. I have friends a grandson and an ex daughter-in-law there who really want me to come and will help me, now isnt that a shame when my mom has 2 other grown daughter here,a brother and sister-in-law!
(0)
Report

I will not quit my job...no way...uh uh. I have only a few more years to retirement and will not have good ole momma have me throw away 31 years of working at the same flippin place. I am almost done.
The Salvation Army has a FREE ADULT DAY CARE. Please see if there is one in your area. I think they only want a little money to cover the drivers I believe and for food. At least that is how the one in my area is...but my mom refused...c'est la vie.
(1)
Report

Hi Denise55 i can feel for you. I do. I am 2 1/2 months unemployed already. I worry just like you and wonder and cry my heart out asking until when i can remain "deliberately" jobless... meaning I don't want to be. But I am forced to postpone my job hunting or desire to go back to "NORMAL" working mode as I worry I will be always late for work or absent due to caregiving duties for my mother. I have a 10 year old daughter going to school and her future expenses worry me to no ends. And I am almost 40 years old already next year and worry of my own marketability in this very cut-throat competitive job world where there is more unemployment or under employment than opportunities. I take a deep breath when I press the post comment button here... I pray for the two of us and the many out there in same situation. TO just be really really honest, there are times I often say it is only DEATH by the seniors that we care that will allow us to be free and pursue the lives we want to live.... Take care my friend. The two of us are both in very very very very serious financial trouble now and ahead in many months to come unless we two get back to NORMAL jobs again... but then again HOW? HOW HOW?
(0)
Report

Sylvester you are so right on point!!! I did open the joint account just last week, and my aunt just told me the same thing you did about feeling guilty about spending her money. My sisters do the texting thing, and when I text about help they dont respond! Thank you for knowing just what I feel! My mom still ask about them and I just say I guess they will call you soon,but I dont respond to their text about her, I have enough going on whule they are living their lives how they want
(0)
Report

Your Mother would have to pay to stay in a nursing home, she probably receives a ss check each month at the very least, why are you feeling guilty for taking some of HER money? The nursing home that the other person suggested you throw her in would take ALL of it and if she has any assets, they would put leans against those as well. What you need to do is get a joint checking account with her and combine your money since you are the main caregiver. If your siblings do not help you out, when they call to ask how Mom is, tell them when they come to visit then they can ask HER how she is. My sibling texted me saying, "tell Mom to call me". My text back was, "No."
If they don't help the situation then I sure as heck wouldn't talk with them over the phone about it, they seem to think by doing a obligation call makes them feel they are contributing. Just because you are the caregiver doesn't mean everybody can use you, abuse you, and then come to Thanksgiving dinner and expect a free meal.
(1)
Report

You should be commended for leaving your job to care for her. However, you need to take care of yourself first. And since the finances are not there to send her to day care, or hire a caregiver, the only option then would be to find a good nursing home in the area. This sounds harsh, but if you can't afford it, and no one will help, the only option is long term care. I was not able to leave my job for my mom. I hired caregivers for awhile, but when the money ran out for there, my only option was to apply for Medicaid for her and place her in a nursing home. I came to visit her twice a day during the week, and three times daily on weekends and holidays.
(1)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.