Need advice ASAP! Please

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Mom passed away a year and a half ago. Husband and I moved in to take care of her. Dad only has blood pressure problems that is controlled by medication. Dad did not do anything to take care of mom, we did it. Dad was very jealous. Now we are stuck here with him. His hygiene is horrible, he is nasty, and wants us to take care of him like we did mom but........he is not dying. He plays games with us all the time that is he sick and dying. Been to the hospital and they say nothing is wrong. It has gotten to the point that we stay away from him and even told him we all need to go our own ways. He whines. Well, now, work called and said they had to call an ambulance because he thinks he is having a heart attack-he has been drinking cough syrup for a "Sore throat" for the last three days; however, his chain smoking does not appear to hurt his throat. Can a social worker at the hospital help him find an assisted living home? What do I do? He is slowly killing me and I feel as if I am going crazy.

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You need to get your dad's doctor on board with sending him to an appropriate specialist for testing and treatment. Write the doc a detailed letter outlining dad's deficits, er visits etc. Include the fact that you will be moving out. Don't expect to hear from doc unless you have HIPAA signed. Just send it return receipt so you have proof he got it. Also notify APS that you will be leaving.
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I am so glad to hear that you are moving out! That does need to happen. Have you discussed this with a social worker or any agency? Perhaps your father will function just fine when he has to. But if you worry that he will be a danger to himself, it might be best to notify his primary doctor, and perhaps Adult Protection Services that he will be on his own after Oct 25th (or whenever your move-out date is.)

Best wishes to you, and do keep us updated. We care!
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Katie, thanks for the update... congrat on the new home, hope it is built quicker than later.

Sounds like your Dad is doing things just to get attention... bad behavior gets a higher level of attention then doing good things. Find some good stuff that he does, a praise him on that. It's like dealing with a troublesome teenager.
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Yes my sperm donor is stil playing games...now he walks around claiming he cannot see (eye doctor said his vision is good) but wears sunglasses in the house. Well, hello, if you would take the sunglasses off you could see!!!! I cannot believe my poor mother put up with him.
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Good news!!! Husband and I are buying a house!!! Thank the Lord!!! Bad news...it is going to take four months to build. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel though.
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I appreciate your advice. Yes he is capable of making decisions; however, his hygiene and habits are not only a danger to himself but to us. In addition, i just found out from his doctor that he did not have a heart attack and there is nothing wrong with him. I do believe he has mental
Issues to fake being ill and is wasting the hospital staff's time for patients who are ill, taxpayers money, his coworkers time, and our time. Once he returns home, he is going to be there alone as my husband and I have decided to leave. I can no longer tolerate his behavior. Then he is going to really be a danger to himself because he will be by himself, won't pay his bills, and will eventually lose his home.
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Katie, he sounds capable of caring for himself. Why would you want the social worker to find him a place? Until he is incapacitated he has the right to make his own decisions, and even then only if there is a power of attorney or guardian in place. Sounds like you and hubby should fine a new place to live before your dad really needs you.
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Move out.
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Yes, he does still work and drive; however, he will not do anything like calling his doctor or calling in his medicine, pick up food, etc.
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Katie, you answered your own question that your father doesn't really need your help and is making you miserable. It sounds like it is time for you and your husband to rebuild your own lives separate from your father. I hope you can find a very good place soon... before your father actually does need you. That day will probably come soon enough. May as well enjoy life until it does.
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