I guess when parents are ill family dysfunction is harder to overlook. I believe dear mom is a narcissist and dad has been her flying monkey all my life. Dad didn't manipulate the way mom did, but he never stood up for me either. Older sister was the golden child and I was and still am the scapegoat who does nothing right.
After going low contact with all them for a number of years, I stopped all contact with sister five months ago and never felt lighter and happier in my whole life. I've wanted to disconnect with both parents too but a sense of obligation and guilt keeps me still under their thumb. Remaining in contact with them (mom with AD, dad with some issues but nothing fatal) makes me irritated and resentful. How does anyone manage a sense of obligation and a desire to find peace which will likely include eliminating them from your life?
My sister, their "golden child" rarely visits them even though she doesn't work and bad mouths them behind their back to her grown children who also rarely visit. She doesn't assist with any daily needs such as finding grocery delivery services, finding service to clean the house, or attending doctor appointments... all things which I have willingly and stupidly done for them.
Sister had a last-minute 80th birthday party for mom while I was out of town - parents think I should have changed my plans to attend and never thought their daughter should have picked a date when I would be in town. I recently found out parents chose sister as their Trustee Successor and Executor of their will. I feel like this is validation on how I thought my parents viewed me my whole life. Secondary, not much.
I am going to continue low contact with parents, but believe their bad mouthing of me will continue in hopes that they'll shame me into doing more for them. I really don't know how being verbally or emotionally abusive is something anyone thinks will lure you back into their life. My parents may very well end up being 100% dependent upon the care-taking decisions of their golden child who will do nothing but let them whither. Is "low contact" possible with such dynamics, or is no-contact inevitable?
Thanks for your insight.