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So first thing this morning my Mom was looking for a piece of paper with the New Church address and e-mail so she can wright them a letter about women dressing proper last Saturday when she went some lady's dress was to revealing. lol She was saying who moved it!! Paper just doesn't disappear into thin air on and on so my Step-Dad said I didn't touch it I said Mom just keep looking you will find it I will help you in a sec because I was busy doing something anyways she was blaming us Indirectly and was really crabby I was like please if there is a God shut this women up seriously I couldn't take it didn't sleep all night feeling really depressed and guilty anxiety etc. Anyways she found it after getting myself and her husband on edge and I said Mom you know that was not nice how you were being crabby and kinda of blaming us like we moved it. She just said I was not doing that then she went on a complete denial and said lets end this conversation like always. So I was in the kitchen she came in and said sorry then I had a melt down seriously like I was a melted wax candle on the ground looking up with my wick barely standing and leaning to the right, then she start to cry and then there we were crying together she kept asking me to forgive her I said of course you always forgive me when I am crabby or loose my patience it's okay Mom so she went to go watch TV but after that I was having an a anxiety attack and felt like I was going to throw up and have a heart-attack at the same time so I phone my Doctor got in to see another one my Doc is away. Anyways having a rough time I just get really overwhelmed sometimes and down in the dumps.
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If I have to hear this story 1 more time!!!
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Wow, Lois, You and I are the same person! (Hee hee)! blou
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Aw, Jeanette....

You *need* a glass of wine for that whine! It sounds like you had such a rough day with Mom. Sounds like her dementia is getting worse...is she due for a doctor visit soon to discuss that, or can you make one?

I hope you can do something fun with her on Sunday. I'm taking Mom out for our normal Sunday breakfast, then coming home to work for a bit, then maybe taking her for a ride or something...maybe to one of the big lakes, since she loves them so much.
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Welcome Braziliansun!! Are you from Brazil? Someplace nice, sunny with beautiful beaches?? sigh

Early wine...wait, whine today. Rough morning already...she started at 5:00 a.m. scared and lost, kept waking me up, kept reassuring her and walking the 10 steps back to her room. 5 times later I decided to just stay up. She's been off more than usual since.... following my every move, so much so I turned around abruptly and almost knocked her flat! Finally got her soaking in the tub... 3 days ago it was no problem, today she forgot how to sit down. Water is too hot, too cold.... it feels like my once finally productive day was shot down. Doesn't matter what I start doing there is something wrong so in order to keep her calm and my calm, I have to do basically nothing.

Her 79th birthday is May 11th which is also mother's day :)) I want to do something fun and nice for her. A friend suggested we do something here at this house....uh NO! It would be way to much work for me. When we celebrated her mom's birthday we all went out...mom had a couple of wines and danced with some elderly men. She had a blast! Not going to work myself cooking, cleaning and hostessing... I suggested we all go bowling, at least it would give the adults something to do while the others sat, chatted, ate, drank and be merry... I don't want to be unappreciative to my friend and her suggestion as she's the ONLY friend I have here.... but....she didn't like my bowling idea, said her 83 year old mom on 100 % oxygen would not find that fun.... she spent her birthday pulling on the slot machine and blew through 100.00 bucks. Sigh.

Wine over....gonna try this all over again
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Welcome braziliansun! Looking forward to seeing more from you soon. We're all in this together!
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First of all, I am so relieved to know there is an active community of people to talk to about things like this.. this is not easy for any of us, and we all must take one day at a time! This is my first post here, and well, seeing you all post things at least somewhat relateable alleviates some kind of stress, huh :)?
My whine today is just about home care. My mother receives home care, which often seems unreliable! It's very frustrating when you seek some extra help that actually induces extra stress!! I have to train many people who come in to this house how to properly get my mother out of bed, washed, etc... the terrified look on some of these home care worker's faces!! My mother must have assistance with most daily living and some of these people seem shocked! We have had various caregiver this month... still looking to find a dependable one who can take on the responsibility. I find it very hard to separate my life from my mother's, seeing as she lives with me and I take care of her.. it's hard to find your own time!! glad to get that out!
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Hehe.... sounds like the same afflictions are effecting me as well !!

I'd rather be outside puttering than inside cleaning ... I'd rather be doing most anything than cleaning inside for that matter!! Unless.... people are stopping by then it's WHIRLWIND CITY! haha.... mom has become accustomed to that mode of action. Even if no one is stopping by and that rare clean bug hit's me, she asks every other second "is someone coming over"? LOL! I feel a skosh embarrassed that my Alzheimer's mother is able to recognize my lack of cleaning unless folks are popping by!! oh well...
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I m new to the group...I want to whine bc My mothers Alzheimers is driving me NUTS ! THE Home Health care nurse said quote "Alzheimer's.is here".Like its an ghost ..
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LoisCorrine, there's a post I saw on Facebook that applies here - something about getting more cleaning done in the 10 minutes before guests arrive than I get done all week. Boy, do I know that one!
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I hear you, Susan. 'Wish it described JUST my desk.. There's a trail of such stuff from the back door through the kitchen, dining room and into the bedroom where my computer sits waiting for something to fall onto the floor. Hopefully, once a week I clear it all off and dust a bit - and I am retired. I am the only one it bothers, so there's no incentive but when it gets bad enough, boy, can I move! Or if I get angry about something - anything - I am a whirlwind.. Or, if we are expecting visitors,
My excuse is that I have outdoor work that I would rather do and it is more important - yeah, that's the ticket - it's more important to cut the grass, etc.. After over 70 years of dusting, cleaning, cooking, etc., it gets boring and the feeling of power behind the wheel of a big green and yellow John Deere just invigorates me and gets me out of that cluttered house!! (trouble is I have to go through the cluttered garage to get out to the 'barn' for the Deere one..) and back again. But then I am just too tired to give a dern and settle down with my latest mystery after settling hubby into bed..
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At least your eyesight and sense of humor are intact Susan
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Jeanette, I wish I could post a pic of my desk right now. LOL It's horrid. Here's what I see in front of me right now:

-1 air freshener that needs to be plugged in somewhere (bought and set on desk, and that's as far as it went)
-1 jar of Vicks Vapo-Rub that I just smeared on the outside of the front storm door in an attempt to keep the stray male cat from spraying it (ICK!) - also sat on desk and didn't put away yet
-MANY piles of various papers, magazines that came in the mail that I haven't read, estimate for tree removal from last week's storm that has to go to ins. company, paid bills to be filed away, notes notes NOTES all over the place...
-my cell phone, my life, my constant companion. LOL
-coffee cup - only 1...no wait...2...because I haven't taken them to the kitchen yet.
-crayons and coloring book I bought for grandson yesterday (no, I'm not losing my mind and taking to coloring)
-dustrag - for what? I can't see the dang desk to dust it!
-landline phone
-3 tv remotes
-wallet & keys
-meds (mine, not Mom's) + Aleve, allergy pills, and Vitamin B12 liquid
-batteries
-freebies and samples that came in the mail this week but haven't been put away
-flea/tick treatment for dog & cat that I have yet to put on said dog & cat.
-mini first-aid kit that is supposed to be in my purse...but isn't.
-scented candle (not lit, or I'd have an inferno on my hands, with all this paper)
-canned air to clean keyboard
-computer monitor & printer/scanner/copier.

...and a partridge in a pear tree.

I'm such a neatnik...I despise clutter and disorder....but here I sit, wallowing in it. (sigh) I guess working 60+ hours a week plus taking care of the house and finances AND Mom....something's gotta give, and it's usually the neatness and order. At least on my desk, it seems.
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Susan, I can relate... my dad passed on March 1, 2013. His insurance kept trying to bill... I told them he'd passed, they suggested I keep paying for a few months in case something came up. Really? REALLY? Nothing can come up after it was all said and done. He wasn't the type to spend more than 2 hours in the emergency room. His eyes still haunt me... I was NEVER to let him die in a hospital. ....

I did I did I did!!!.... Me time is needed!! Glad my oldest brother understood this time that it had nothing to do with him or his elusive wife. Pfffttt.... 2 hours was a Godsend...but....I did feel bad for mom, she was so concerned that I wasn't there.... ahhhhhhhhhhhh...........

sticky notes? I have a full binder and it still doesn't help :D
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Oh, and I hope you enjoyed your ME time, Jeanette!! Sure wish we could edit posts....
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JeanetteB -

Thanks! I'm so tickled to finally get the pension issue settled AND the new wheels for Mom on top of it. Next on the list is talking to a local attorney about a Lady Bird Deed for the house and a few other legal matters to keep the house out of the hands of the state when Mom passes. They've already sent letters about trying to take the house to pay for Dad's medical bills (he was on Medicaid when he passed, with over $300,000 in bills) - but they can't touch it because Mom still lives here.

One thing at a time...will be happy when it's all taken care of! I'll definitely sleep better and there will be fewer sticky notes on my desk...
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My partner has brain mets and it is affected his walking but always wants to go somewhere and I find it increasingly stressful
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Congrats SusanA43 on a BIG accomplishment!! Let us know how mom likes her new wheels!

No whining for me today either. Like I previously predicted the oldest brother sent a text about dinner tonight. No...I can go to dinner with mom anytime I want, what I can't do it get 1.5 hours to myself without a lot of hoopla. His weird ass wife sat in the car and didn't come in the house (she's afraid of my rescue dog) really? someone mentioned about folks running on 3 cylinders...this one runs on 2....so oldest brother seemed perturbed that I wasn't not going with them...."No, I am not mad, No I am not being hateful" YES, I NEED some ME time.... I have 2 hours at the most since the restaurant is 3 minutes away. If I hurry I can take my dogs on a decent walk!! YAY! for the smallest of things :)))
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Well, I'd love to *not* have a whine today, but it's kind of a whine/victory.

After a whole year of back and forth, sending documents, getting them back with a request for more, sending again, the company losing them, sending AGAIN....finally got Dad's pension transferred over to Mom. It's not much, just about $100 a month - but because they haven't sent it for about 13 months while we were dealing with the paperwork, there was a lump sum payment that was sent to Mom. We used it to buy Mom a new mobility scooter. Dad had one, but it was old and was a 3-wheel scooter...not very stable and had tipped with Dad on it more than once when he hit uneven ground or turned too sharply - so we donated it to our local Commission on Aging (and told them to be careful who they gave it to!).

I pored over the websites, since we do not have a local company that carries the size/type of scooter Mom needs due to her weight. I think I spent over 2 weeks looking at different ones each night and trying to decide which one had all the criteria we needed - appropriate weight capacity, 4 wheels (not 3), comfy seat that was adjustable for more leg room if needed, adjustable tiller (like tilt wheel in a car), good ground clearance, etc. Finally decided on one, and ordered it. I was assured I would have a tracking number on it by Monday (this past Monday). Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday came and went...no contact by the company. I call, and am told it's ready to be picked up by the transport company, and I should have a tracking number the next day (Thurs). Thursday comes & goes, no tracking number. I'm starting to think we just sent a year's worth of pension payments into oblivion and will never see that scooter, and I'm starting to panic. For some, this would not be a big investment, but it's HUGE to Mom and I. Finally, this afternoon, I called the company that makes the scooter to make sure they have the order and that it is indeed being shipped. They were unhappy with their dealer for not keeping in touch with me, and called them while I was on the phone. Immediately after I hung up, I got a call from the dealer with a tracking number, and the scooter should be here next week. :-)

Soo....Whine: Irritated about customer service and paperwork runaround for a year.
Victory: I won anyway - squeaky wheel gets the grease, at least in terms of the scooter company. Hee hee hee.

Can't wait to try out the new scooter and get Mom acclimated to it so she can get out more. Her mobility is getting worse and worse, and it's a vicious cycle - it hurts to move too much, so she won't...so her mobility only gets worse because she's not moving. With this at least, she will get outside and get some fresh air.
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Jeanette Mom needs that portable A/C so go ahead and buy it.

No wines today. Went to the clinic for a blood draw before hubby was awake and when I returned about 1/2 hour later he was scouring the neighbourhood for me.
Just found this thread so have no wines to match everyone else but I'll try and find some. Sympathy to all.
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Took Mom and Dad today to get thier sweet ride titled in my name and state, as they don;t drive and we drive them in it. All went great. THEN.. mom can;t find her 2 credit cards. We tore the place apart.. maybe Dad "put them away"...LOL. So I had to call and have them replaced. They have some bills paid on the one, so now I get to look forward to calling all those places with the new CC numbers when the replacements arrive. This was "fun" enough when they first moved in... explaining I am POA, handing the phone to mom for permission.. you know the drill, and oh yes.. the lovely autodial and then HOLD !! Here goes my next day off...
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No, definitely don't want to borrow any trouble!

Spring has finally arrived full force with the high's in the mid 80's today. Waiting 6 months for this to happen was torture being trapped in this house. Now...we are just trapped in the back yard . I wish my mom would also enjoy doing social things without me being present. OR better yet, not be so unwilling to go places or do things outside of here!! We could ride over to the coast and visit my Aunt and Uncle (her brother whom she doesn't remember so she just flirts with him)...go by the Casino for a quick million.... take the dogs for a nice walk along the river...GO FISHING!! Better yet, take mom to Florida for a few weeks so I can visit my son/friends and other family. There has been this big vice grip on my chest and a lump in my throat for days now. Its like I'd almost rather it was still cold and rainy so it wasn't so easy to get depressed about not being able to do those things.

Haven't seen nor heard from my brothers in 3 weeks. 3 WEEKS!! Next time they call and ask if WE want to go out for dinner.... nah, they can take ma and visit with her, take her out to eat, she misses them much more than I do. I'd like to think they feel a bit guilty....but that would be absurd thinking.

Blou, does your father at least cook for himself?? That's a lot of food to go through and cook it.

Sigh, I think I am wallowing in self pity too loridtabbykat....

Question; Would spending 600 of moms money of a portable A/C be wrong? I can't sit in the wading pool all day....
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JeanetteB, it can be really scary to see all the issues caregivers have to deal with! Just remember that while every single behavior caregivers report is true, no one has ALL the behaviors and symptoms. Who know what your mother will develop?

And the other thing to keep in mind is that caregivers change and grow. You may find yourself easily handling something you never thought you could do!

My advice: Don't borrow trouble from tomorrow. You probably have enough for today.
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My dad can never get enough to eat. He recently took my bank card & spent everything but $30. I didn't find out 'til I was out of town for the week-end. I have food. But, my son is 13, will have to go without milk until the 5'th of May. I can't have any "fresh food". I know I'm whining, but, I love a big salad every night. I sure do miss it! ( Maybe I'll lose weight.... sigh).... blou
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It's been close to 8 months since Mom's surgery. We've had multiple caregivers, each one I had to train and show around and what pills when. Mom baked a ham and a sweet potatoe, the bottom of the oven had stuff all over it, it was midnight when I discovered this. 6 hrs later I finally get to go to bed 6 a.m. Tuesday the 8th caregiver decides not to show up and has said I could call Hazel and see if she's interested. So no break, no help. I know I'm wallowing in self pity, and it's not going to help anything. I just need to vent. I wish Mom's recovery time will end soon and she'll be her old self again. I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this? I wish Mom would go to the senior center of adult day care so she could have a social life without me being there. I wish.
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Jeanette, we have to laugh at it sometimes, or we'd cry! It's the best way to handle it some days.
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Olmaandme, Kudo's to you for being able to make this sound funny. I know it isn't and it scares the bejeepers out of me that I may end up dealing with the same issues. I just don't think I can do that part.....

I get freaked out reading some of the awful things caregivers are going through...I see my dear mother declining daily.... mornings and evenings are so confusing and scary to her and the future is scary to me. Sigh.
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My mother poops (in protective garments) but doesn't always know it.
She doesn't always see it when she goes to the toilet as it's worked it's way up her backside leaving no evidence in front.
I find it everywhere; on the bed,on the floor, on the toilet seat and her hands.
She denies it's hers.She blames me.
I'm not sure how,when or why I did it today but somehow (according to her) I did the dirty deed on the floor near her toilet and left a tail of toilet paper coming out of her behind ( No, I don't assist with toileting as she still fights me on that one).
I am sick of poop.I can't get the smell out of my nose and I think I'm getting a fetish for latex gloves(joke).
I never wanted to see my mother's nether regions and now they are more familiar than my own.
I laugh at inappropriate times. I think the methane from her continuous gassing of the room is affecting my mind.
I have a fear that the smell of poop and lysol sticks to my clothes and others will think it's my signature fragrance.
Today I cleaned poop in the yard from my dogs.
A friend called to ask advice on treating her diarrhea.
My daughter called to ask me if I thought her cats bowel movements seemed normal.
Obviously,I am now considered an expert in BM.
This really "bums" me out.
Going to bed.
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Argh, definitely feeling the "whine time" lately!

-Tried to find incontinence undergarments to fit mom's rather large size. One company was gracious and sent us samples of 4 different types - all failed to fit. They are more than wide enough, but not "tall" enough - they all stop just short of the top of her butt crack (sorry, not sure what else to call it!) - not a good fit at all. So we are back to the pads, and I've gotten her to agree to change the pads *every time* she uses the bathroom, I don't care if it's 5 times a day. I'll gladly foot the added expense if it means I don't have to wash bedsheets, the blue chair/bed pads, her clothing, her socks and shoes when she soaks them several times a day.

-Today, because she's extra tired for some reason, she won't shower. I completely understand that she's tired - I get it - but the smell in the house is driving me nuts. I have 2 candles and an air freshener going in here and it's *barely* keeping the smell down...and when she moves or gets up...ACK! She showers every other day, which is really not enough, but it's all I can get her to do. I know that in some NHs, they only get bathed once a week....so I guess I'll take what I can get and be thankful for it. Before I moved in, there was a deep layer of dust in the tub - she hadn't showered in months - so even if the smell is horrible some days, I guess I have to be happy she showers at all.

-Mom has required extra attention this past week due to the incontinence issue and her lack of understanding about the pad-changing frequency needed to keep up with it. (She understands now, thank goodness.) This means my work has suffered and I've gotten behind a bit - and one of my clients is *not* happy. I'm kissing butt and eating crow today in the hopes that I can maintain my relationship with them and not lose them as a client. (sigh)

Back to work now....and off to Amazon to order more pads.....
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My MIL gets furious when I take an hour to visit my own mom.
My mom lives alone and is 89. She no longer drives and depends on me for groceries etc. I am her only contact with the outside world. (She is very hard of hearing and her friends and neighbors all died off).
Also, my dad passed away and so did my brother (age 59). So it s just me.
I love my mom and wish I could spend more quality time with her.
Clock is ticking.
I do the best I can but I resent MIL's attitude any time I am a daughter to my own mom. BTW, my mom is great about it..............but well, that's my whine.
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