My "whine moment today." What's yours?

Jeanette...already with you on that...started to do some things and just continued working in the attic today...have actually done zero...I can't believe it myself..zero..I even texted her and told her to just bring a lot of lounge clothes because unless I had an errand to run I would not be getting out of mine...haha...I can't believe how I am ..I have not planned meal one...I will do it as we go along...I have plenty of stuff already bought anyway and will throw something together quick or order pizza or whatever...I decided I was going to try to enjoy my company for a change instead of killing myself over it.... :)

Jessie, I wonder if she used to care for her mother? When you told her she could have your mother, did she leave? Ugh, that would have forever freaked me out. On the other hand, I'm sure we will miss and treasure our loved one when they're gone. Doesn't mean the here and now is any easier.

hope, GLAD you have some company coming!! Don't go overboard and do too much like I did and spend the next several days trying to recuperate. Some of us just try too damn hard if you ask me. There is no need to impress the apparently unimpressible. phbtt

Speaking of that.... Susan, wow, I've told you this before and I still mean it. You are ME but 2 years ago. I did the exact same thing 14 months ago when my son flew into Seattle for work. Made enough food for days, worked my ass off before I left... all for nothing. Her care'r at the time, didn't even use it. They sat around eating junk food watching old movies. My mom was still okay back then... my brothers stopped by (back then) so just go ahead and do what I did. Make some brown rice, throw most of the edible leftovers into a pot... make your dog some nice warm food for a few days :) Seriously though, we try so hard to do our best all for naught. I hope and pray if our loved could verbalize it or show it, that they'd truly appreciate what we do for them and how much time we spend on their care.

I've been attempting to put our taxes together, just to find out I am missing 2 forms from mom's pensions. How I wish I could jus THROW all these papers into the fire pit and have a weenie roast :/ everything just feels so stressful these days and I have the "deer in headlights" feeling. Even when I try to sleep, I can't, I start getting anxiety and no sleep for me :( bleh

Mom is still drinking her shakes and doing pretty good. You do have to sort of warm them up a bit if you use the ice cubed parts as they cause a brain freeze and no AD person needs a brain freeze, lesson learned!! anywho... she slept the ENTIRE night and I didn't. So unfair!! but, I didn't have to get up, pick her up and put her li'l buns back to bed :)

Oh, there was a wild turkey walking through town today just a gobbling away. I think he must have lost his way or his friends? Poor fellow..

Strange experience today. I took Mom to get a haircut, then out to eat. When we were in the cafeteria line, a woman grabbed my arm and asked me if I was with my mother. I nodded and she, "Treasure and love her while you can. You'll miss her when she's gone." It said that she must miss her mother and she grabbed me around the waist and said she sure did. I didn't know what to say, so I told her she could have mine.

It was weird because the woman was grabbing my shoulders and hugging me around the waist. I'm a very friendly person, but this one even went overboard for me. (Hard to do)

That was a gutsy and foolish move to suggest something as silly as a hat to a menopausal woman......

freqflyer - buy a hat? Oh, geez. I think I'd respond, "well doc, what color hat would look good when I visit you in the hospital after I knock you out?". Oh, and I Love Lucy? I do love her but Ricky was a tool. One episode her put her over his knee and spanked her! Whaaat???!!!! I looked at my daughter and said, not in his wildest dreams would he get away with treating me like that! Oh, I know, it was just entertainment, but indicative of society? Favorite episode - Lucy stomping grapes/making wine and the fight in the vat! Haha! She was really a funny lady. My gripe today - sick of night sweats and waking up freezing several times. Ugh. Can I blame my bad attitude on menopause?

Latest mother news: a little research online by me because she doesn't want to learn anything it's too depressing and let her just see a doctor. Fine. Her doctor says he doesn't know the difference between a prolapsed uterus or bladder. Man, am I fed up with him! He sends Mom to a urologist who doesn't even do a physical exam. He says he does not know what is wrong with her and sends her to a second urologist "for a second opinion." But he didn't give his!

Hey anybody ever wonder why I hate the medical business? Geez.
I suggest to Mom to see either of my Naturopaths who can easily tell what blockage she has in her uterus area. But no, she refuses to listen or try anything else. I listen to her symptoms and it sounds like a prolapsed uterus to me. She disses my research, my ideas, all of it.

Today my mother calls me. Oh guess what? I met a stranger who said she thinks my symptoms sound just like a prolapsed uterus! She is so wonderful!
That's exactly what I have been saying to for the last 2 weeks. No reaction.
She changes the subject. Unacknowledged yet again. I totally hate this!!
End of vent.

Well, another day, Mama is having a good day again...so thankful for these...I finally learned they tend to come and go so I will make the most of this one for sure....my cousin who has been the only one who has come and watched Mama is coming to stay for a couple of days. She totalled her car recently and has been going nuts she said so I am going to make a quick run and get her and bring her here for a couple of days...I decided I can be there and back in about the same amount of time that it takes me to run to the pharmacy and back so I can use a little company too, and a good time to do it I think. I told Mama she was wanting to come and asked her was that ok and she smiled and nodded so maybe she will enjoy someone other than me too...good thing is I don't have to worry about the house because she doesn't care, so will be a laid back, no worries kind of visit , which are the best kind....looking forward to the company.

Arrived home safely last night around 9pm. House was spotless (thank you caregiver!!), Mom had finally showered that evening (after 4 days of refusing, so now the caregiver knows what I'm dealing with daily), and Mom was very happy to see me. Cat was completely freaked out by our sudden reappearance and walked cautiously around with huge eyes for a while - lol. I think he thought we were gone for good. Trip home was completely uneventful, which is a great thing when you're driving that far. A little light snow and high winds (which are a problem for our high-top van), but otherwise, smooth sailing the whole way.

I spent considerable time before I left cooking foods and prepping meals for Mom to eat while I was gone. She ate *none* of them, other than a couple of the breakfast meats I cooked. The nice divided plates with chicken, veggies and potatoes? Still in the fridge. The pre-cooked cheeseburgers that could be reheated? Still in the fridge. Egg patties for breakfast sandwhiches? Still there. Now it all gets to go in the trash unless I can salvage some of it - but it's been in there for 6 days now, so it's likely all going to go in the trash. I left a note for the caregiver that it was in there, so not sure what happened. Her notes say mom ate soup and sandwiches most of the time when I was gone. (sigh) I guess I won't go to so much effort next time.

Siblings actually visited mom this time while I was gone. Thankfully, they got the message this time and actually showed up. (Last time, I begged them to come by and no one did - they left her alone for a whole week - which is one of the reasons why I didn't go anywhere for a year and a half.) Glad they came to visit, at least.

I definitely agree that stress can bring on early menopause..I even saw them talking about that one day on one of those medical shows...they don't have to say it ..most of us have lived it... I'm not keen on using all the hormone therapy and such anyway, but it's a good thing I wasn't because I could not have afforded it anyway without health insurance...

Jeanette, I have chilled out....I started to work on it some more tonight and decided why??? just going to kick it tonight and start over in the am. I have just remembered I have not eaten properly today which I guess is why I feel faint. I swear that the shakes we make with ensure are excellent for health. I know Mama's physical health is excellent..especially adding all the extras to bump up the calories, I think I will start adding them to my day when I start working again...Mama has developed a little cold today and so she has slept a lot more and the nurse has told me that on these kinds of days, the more rest she gets the better. I am keeping her hydrated so combat the mucus issues... did I just say that??? anyway, the last cold she had it seemed like when I finally let her rest more she was able to get over it quicker than me waking her constantly to ask her if she would eat....so letting her rest...what a day...not horrid, just really really trying.

Brother called at the precise time that he calls every night and tonight I just did not feel like reliving the day...so I let it go to v/m and then texted him soon after...that works best when I am already exhausted and short on patience and of ill temper...

Katie, it is true!! Menopause and caregiving seem to go hand in hand? I wonder if stress is also related to menopause? I noticed this trend several years ago on this website... caring for elderly parent and hot flashes, HELP! Seriously, hot flashes were one of the MAJOR reasons I could deal with Oregon's cold weather vs South Florida. See? There is a reason for everything apparently.

hope, don't beat yourself up You did a lot yesterday, today is relax day. There usually another tomorrow to finish it up.

Mom has had at least 4 of my nutritious delicious shakes now... and has been a happy chipper toothless cute li'l lady!!

I feel really angry at myself today. I feel like I just want to lie down and go to sleep. Mama has not had a good day and so that tends to make my mood go downhill...I get excited for her and then just as suddenly, she feels so sad again...it is heartbreaking...I truly WANT to accomplish things..I am trying so hard...but I just feel catatonic ...got up with all kinds of plans and such and once I could see Mama felt so bad it has just taken the wind out of my sails...I know I need to get a grip on myself because it is going to be this way for ever how long God sees fit...I so want to do something to make her feel better and all I can do is just be here for her and do what I know to do...it is a helpless feeling though isn't it...

It does happen frequently that menopause hits the same time as caregiving responsibilities...yet another thing to heighten the challenge.Nothing like breaking into a hot flash just as you get some worrisome news about Mom. I am finding that the weather and time of year, seasonal doom and gloom are adding to my feeling bad today as well. Did not get any really good news from the Mom's doctor today, but nothing too bad either. Feel caught in a limbo. I bought one of those "Happy Lights" awhile back but am not sure how much this will help me right now...guess it can't hurt to sit in front of it for awhile and see if it makes me feel less depressed.

Just got back from getting Dad vitamins from the eye doctor because he ran out last week.... he waits until he takes the very last pill in the bottle before letting me know :P

Left the pills off at my parents house when the discussion turned to Mom's hearing aids. Dad thinks Mom needs a more expensive hearing aid because the one they bought six months ago isn't helping. Hmmm, what part don't they understand is that Mom's ears are 97 years old and she's been slowly going deaf over the years. Plus Mom is afraid to put the ear piece too deep into her ear as it might hurt.... HELLO.

I got to keep reminding myself *it's their choice to do what they wish to do, thus take the responsibility that comes with those choices*.

I am picturing myself wearing a smart hat....along with my flannel lounge pants and sweatshirt...nice! :) on the other note, as productive as I was yesterday, I am totally stuck in neutral today...sure wish I could have energy filled days in a row....knuckles are dragging today....

FF most of them are too dumb to think it up.

LOL, Veronica, I am just glad that today's generation of young doctor don't dare give such a suggestion.

When I hear this, all I can think about is "I Love Lucy" when Lucy use to buy a new dress and hide it from Ricky :0

FF does that mean that all the smart women we see pictures of are going through menopause?

About menopause, just do what the doctor would tell my Mom back in the 1960's when she had menopause.... go out a buy a new hat :P

I am realizing that my mother is "high maintenance" she has certain cravings for food and expects that we eat that food. I've been letting her know that we're going to eat what I make and she's been amenable.

wow, sorry...I really needed an edit button on that post...I think yall catch my drift.. :)

fligirl, I understand what you are saying...it is weird, but I went into menopause just as all this started with my Mama...and it has been horrible...Since I lost my health benefits soon after I left my job, I did seek any kind of therapy or whatever it is they say you can do to ease the symptoms, so I just sucked it up and toughed it out, but I still get angry from time to time and I don't know if you ever accept what is happening to those we love. I thought Mama was in the beginning stages of passing a couple of weeks ago, as did our hospice nurse, then she had a remarkable turnabout, but now she is back to that state of just staring...her health is ok though, and the nurse said this is just typical of the disease, the good days, the bad days, more good days...a lot more bad days...it is a constant emotional roller coaster...and to say it is hard is an understatement.

I fight a lot of feelings of resentment, and for a long time I pretty much hated a lot of people along the way, until I realized that all that was doing was making me feel any more ill than I felt already.

I saw some posts this morning on Facebook by the girlfriend of my oldest nephew, both of whom have virtually abandoned Mama a long time ago...I have loved this young man and been so proud of him all his life...until now...Mama was always so good to him and now he is off on his own, does't give a flying flip about his Dad, my Mama, me or anyone or anything else other than his own self serving needs..same with his girlfriend..doesn't work, sits on her butt all day long living off my nephew, yet spews her views right and left about what life is all about and how people ought to live their lives etc. etc. blah blah..Bull$***.....it makes me furious. what do two kids who have never had one stinking thing to be responsible for every known of what we are going through..but again, thinking of it drives me mad...I guess that's their business if they choose to be self serving donkeys...and then again, I guess they saw their Mom and also their Dad, my brother, be pretty much NON PRESENT all those years so I guess their following in the footsteps.

So back to the day at hand..I guess I'll just continue with my efforts at clearing out more clutter and getting the house organized...and keep an eye on Mama. It's so hard to sit here and see her unhappy..she looks so unhappy today...it is heartbreaking..yet I know all I can do is what I AM doing and making sure she is comfortable and knows she is loved...At least the sun is out today...this is a hard road...and a lonely one. I know I am not going to be the same afterwards...heck I'm not the same now....but I think for me to carry on later on I know I am going to have to stay focused on just doing what I am doing and know that later on I will have no regrets...and I will continue on with life in whatever way I need to for ME....for the FIRST time in my life...God willing.....

Poor Capt I feel your pain. Going to try some spinal injections at the begining of Feb.

singin telegram ;

na na na NA !!
gotta get out today , and work at mike's .
s'colder'n a well diggers a** , in the klondikes .
gotta make money , for my female lackey .
her name is heather , but i call her crack - ey ...
she wants to work seven days , without no slack.
she hasnt seen the x - rays , of my freakin BACK ..

I am new to this group, but not new to caregiving. I am currently caring for my husband, my white knight. He too has the 3-6 pm fits..some call it sundowners. Most the time I just let it go. Sometimes I get so angry. It is just not fair that my partner and companion is slipping away day by day. No whine really. Just sad.

It am in a horrible mood. Since menopause I get depressed and really angry. It happens every few months then I get inpatient and angry with mom. I always say I am sorry but I ask God to forgive me and I just feel so mean. I don't understand this disease like I should. Mom will eat a whole good meal and an hour or so after she says she is hungry. Does she really forget she ate? Even if she did forget wouldn't she still. Be full I think that I am still in denial. I thought I had accepted this but I don't really think that I have. Then my sister was to come up and relieve me so that I could go to San diego and she bailed. She said that she had a doctors appointment today and could not come up. Mom had one also today and she has not even called to see how mom is. I have not trusted her my whole life and still don't but she said she changed and I am trying to believe her. I am sorry but I just needed to vent. Thanks

I'm getting tired of having to be the brain. I'm tired of having to explain the most ridiculous things as why we chose those lightbulbs for the light fixtures in the house. As if we had a choice. The fixtures have those off twisty bulbs but instead of screwing these in it has two prongs. THis is only the latest in the ridiculousness. I half think this is my fault because he's always asked these stupid questions and I've always tried to answer. Now I have had enough.

Litidog think you for your kind words and he is 72 I put it wrong in profile. Its me who is 70!! today we found out he has a cancer on his arm so more surgery! and yes he always took care of the pool and all the out side stuff. when I hired a lawn service he did not like it! but when I tried to use the riding lawn mover and ran over the grill and wiped out several things in lawn he agreed it would be cheaper to hire some one before I wiped out the house!!!! the cancer is Squamous cell carcinoma same as was on his ear and neck

Hey Susan, I am so happy to see you post. Yes, it is hard dropping their li'l grown selves off. I agree that I hate it too. My son told me I should come home where there are many people willing to help. Best thing is seeing your son!
I'd like to not say "hurry home" but your weather is going to be rough and well, we want you safely home.

If you have an extra garbage bag, pile it one, and whoosh you go!!

I LOVE that you took you dog.

Again be safe on your trip (home).

Hey Susan, I am so happy to see you post. Yes, it is hard dropping their li'l grown selves off. I agree that I hate it too. My son told me I should come home where there are many people willing to help. Best thing is seeing your son!
I'd like to not say "hurry home" but your weather is going to be rough and well, we want you safely home.

My whine for the day: my heart is hurting and empty after dropping my youngest son back off to his dad after visiting for 3 days. I have to say thank you to Mother Nature for giving me an extra day with him due to the snowmageddon that blitzed about 85% of my travel route today with blizzard conditions and freezing mix. So at least I had that....but we were both in tears when I left him not long ago, and he just called me sounding sad again. I hate this.

Staying in a cute little mountain cabin, but "mountain" means exactly that, and I had to park at the bottom of the very steep (and now, snow-covered and icy) road that goes to the cabin, and hike up to the cabin when I got back from dropping my son off tonight. Tomorrow morning, I'll have to pack the rest of my gear out with me, along with the dog, so that will be interesting. Dog, dog's blanket, purse, laptop computer in a case with a shoulder strap, and a couple of fabric grocery bags of stuff to haul down with me - unless I want to make 2 trips, which I really don't. That hill is STEEP. I was puffing like a racehorse when I got up here. LOL I think I'll stuff as much as possible into a trash bag and sling it over my shoulder like Santa Claus. Kinda wish I had a plastic sled to pile it on and I could slide it down behind me....or I could load the stuff, the dog and me all in the sled and go WHOOSH down the mountain to the van. LOL