My "whine moment today." What's yours?

Jessie that would drive me up the wall, too. Is that a new behavior or did she do that before? Sometimes my mom wants her mom and dad but she doesn't babytalk.

Capt there are plenty of other sedatives they can give you or none at all, Your gut is so hardened by all the cr*p you have put down it over the years I doubt you would even notice the tube going down. Are they going to make you swallow a camera this time. You could make a fortune with those pictures on utube.

Guess I should talk about my day. It was day from h*ll. As everyone knows, Mom was mad this morning. The good thing about this is that we drove to the ENT's office in near-silence. We spent the whole afternoon at the ENT and he found nothing wrong. That didn't surprise me. I was glad to get back home and didn't really mind that the whole day had been wasted. This evening at dinner it happened. She turned on her child personality and said, "Don't yell at me. Daddy never yelled at me in all the years we were married. Mama and Daddy never yelled at me." I told her that it was her that did the yelling. She said the same thing over again about nobody ever yelling at her. It was twilight zone, so I let it go. I thought about it later, trying to figure out what causes this child self to come out like this. And I thought about that show with Bette Davis where she acted like a little girl living with her sister. What was the name of that movie? Something about Baby Jane? I'll have to check.

Anyway... it is weirder than people can imagine. It makes me feel sick when she does it.

Thanks Jeanette!

Son called just now and is doing ok, just very sore. He got smacked in the ear and side of his head by the airbag, so his ear is still bothering him, and he's pretty sore.

Mom seems better this evening, still a little off in the memory department, but this seems to be how it's been going with her for some time now - she does well for a couple of weeks, then there's some new little glitch - memory, incontinence gets a little worse, mobility gets a little worse, etc. Then she's a little better for a couple of weeks, but the new symptom stays.

ah , the mail nazi's . seems all of them have gone mad with no power ..
liver doc called today about my recent ct scan . it looks good cept for a little thickened speck of tissue somewhere between my esophagus and butthole . i aint real clear on what all goes on there but its gonna cost me another dmnd endoscopy .
i dont mind that , just hate the meds - versed , reversed , p*ssed off cops , etc ..
i asked her if the ct mentioned my howling lumbar to which she replied it indeed did but i should take that up with primary doc . ive no problem saying that some of the best info on the web concerning spine problems comes courtesy of the va . im the va test monkey from hell . needle bearings , u - joints , whatever they wanna try im crazy enough to let em . ive no intention of easing up on hard labor .

The only thing I started up today was the snowblower. yesterday our lovely (not) post woman got her van stuck in the snow and claimed the box had not been clered out enough. I did check it and it seemed fine to me but she "snowed" hubby and iwas supposed to call the snow plow guy and tell him he had done a poor job. This woman is idle and passive agressive. When our drive was being sealed in the summer she did not deliver the mail for several days because she could not swing across the driveway. Box was perfectly acessible. She throws parcels on the porch and never bothers to ring the bell. Afterwards i found the PO is makiking the rural carriers use the electric vans thay use in town. Apparently they are 25 years old and of course the carriers no longer get their milage payments. She proudly told hubby three of the vans got stuck yesterday and had to be towed. of course I admit I am a nasty supicious old woman!

Susan, lately it seemed Linkedin was becoming a popularity contest.... that got old quickly. I also didn't get any benefit from being on that website. I'm not going to miss it, either.

My boss likes the website, he's the type that I am surprised he doesn't have a huge billboard on the roof of his building with his photo and name on it :P

We had about 7" of snow over the weekend, expecting about 3" more tonight and more to come Saturday. Our winter here in Michigan started out early in November with heavy snow and then went completely mild until the end of December. We knew it was coming back, just a matter of time.

FF - I eliminated my LinkedIn account months ago myself - it's becoming less and less of a professional networking site and more of a spam site. I never got any benefit from it, and it was just another passing fad, so I don't miss it now that I don't have it. The last straw was when I found out my ex had looked me up on there. He's involved enough in my life as it is because we have children together. I don't need him checking out my business.

Susan, I wonder if something is going on with your mom that she's not mentioned to you? Normally, I can tell when something is bothering my mom, headache, depends pinching, tummy ache... it makes her act a lot different than her normal different. Sorry to hear about your son!! Just what you need, more to worry about... glad he's ok ... this hopefully will make him a cautious driver, especially OTHER drivers!

hope, it was so nice yesterday I almost wanted to start up the rototiller and get going on the garden, almost... we do have several more months of this to go so I shouldn't be too hasty, it's just that I'd rather be outside doing anything than inside doing house stuff. Fresh air is good for the soul.

Speaking of on-line privacy, I just cancelled my Linkedin account [it's a professional networking site].

Today at work I got this letter size manila envelope with a return address from someone I never heard of.... inside were three very poorly xeroxed cut out sheets of paper with codes and dollar amounts for iTunes... say what?.... after handling these pieces of paper I quickly used some antibacterial hand sanitizer, and threw the items out.

How did this person across country know of me and my work address? Ah ha, I bet from Linkedin. It just creep me out so much I decided me being on Linkedin wasn't worth it for me.

Whew, I have enough to worry about, I don't need this kind of junk mail.

Dee, this is the 2nd time in 8 months she couldn't make it so I forgive her. Besides, it's rained all day and well... I melt ;) Good idea on finding a neighbor to help out, I did try it here but they all either had a job or kids so that went that idea. My carer is great with mom, just fabulous, which helps tremendously and leaves my already bogged head with a few hours of peace.

Snow? ohhh... I love it when it snows, just detest all that goes with it once it stops!! LOL! Snow days are meant to sit around relaxing, reading a good book and chill out. Too bad the tv went off... nothing like binge watching some good episodes of your favorite shows.

Hmmm, I wonder how much fun Jessie is having today :)

Well, it hasn't lasted long..turns out the sun was good at making it look a lot warmer than it was...and most of my winter stuff is still packed in my boxes...but which boxes is the question...lol...anyway...the fresh air feels good...

You know, touching just briefly on something I mentioned earlier...my main concern is not that I feel like some things are directed at me as much as that anyone who might actually be on here for the sole purpose of finding some understanding and hope might go away...and I'm not sure what I'd have done without yall so many times....so I guess I find it better to err on the side of caution and give everyone on here the benefit of the doubt.... :)

Susan, yesterday I had a snow day off work. so told the caregivers to stay home (we had 18" snowfall and more on the way tonight). I was going to get my room cleaned and scrub everything in the house, bake Mom cookies and bread. Yeah. Didn't happen. And yet I could not relax and just enjoy the day off work. I got some stuff done, but kept stressing about not getting everything done. Vicious cycle. If it hadn't been such bad weather I would've at least let the afternoon caregiver come so I could go for a nice long walk. And the storm knocked out the TV reception so I couldn't watch TCM all day. I did get really into a great book, though. Can't wait for spring so I can play in the dirt. Hope - I'm envious that you get to go out and do yard work. In NW IL that's not going to happen for a while. Though I did have to shovel 3-4 times over the course of 24 hours, plus shovel a potty area for the pups. Felt GOOD to breathe fresh air. Can't wait to get out into the gardens and get stuff growing!

Thanks, Dee -

I'm just sitting here looking at the clock and wondering where the heck the day has gone already. It's late afternoon and I haven't gotten diddly squat done around the house at all today - dishes and laundry are piling up and I've been chained to the phone and computer all day!

Jeanette - I used to deal with caregiver call-offs on a regular basis. After 5-1/2 years of that nonsense I fired the caregiver and interviewed neighbor's friend and got her and another lady on board. They are on time, never call off, and take good care of mom. For the last year I have not worried about mom when I'm at work. Can't take mom outside - we just got 18" of snow and expecting more today. Ugh.

Susan - sorry about your son's accident but very glad to hear your son is okay! I know that feeling and you just can't wait to hug them. Sounds like you've had a heck of a day already! I sure hope it gets easier this afternoon for you. Goodness, you need a break.

Katiepresley, does your Dad do his own laundry? His own grocery shopping and cooking? Cleans his own room and clean his bathroom or the one he uses? If not, time to show him how it is done. If he looks at you like your hair is on fire, then you know he won't move because why would he. A year has passed since your Mom had died [so sorry to read about your loss], that is enough time for your Dad to start being on his own.

Hope, we're always here for you, and you're always here for us - don't ever think that someone is targeting you with their comments. :-)

My whine for today - things seem to go along smoothly for a while, and then all the bad stuff jumps on my head at once!

So far today:
1) woke up to a phone call that my youngest son (a new driver) had been in an accident on his way to school and was in the ER. He's ok, but will be very sore tomorrow, I'm sure. That first accident is always so scary.

2) one client was frantically messaging me at 6am because there was a problem with his sales site, so I had to spring into action immediately, and without coffee or shower until about 10am

3) another client is busier than normal today, for a Tuesday, and is cranky because he's busy

4) Mom is really having a bad memory week this week - it just seems that every day this week her memory has gotten worse. When I told her of sons' accident, she asked if my daughter was with him - um...no. They live over 600 miles apart. Not sure where that even came from, but somewhere in the recesses of her mind, she put the 2 of them together. Then she wanted to know what that "white stuff" in the containers on the kitchen counter was - she knew I brought it back from my trip to see my son, but what was it? (Mayo, the kind I can only get down south - I spirited several jars across the state lines. lol And I had told her about it twice already.) Then she asked if she could have a banana, or had she eaten too many already today? (She hasn't had any bananas for 2 days, because the only ones I could get were too green and needed to ripen.) Just seems like it's really going downhill this week. One more step on that long road.....

Katie, with your dad not sick, fully able to take care of himself, works, and drives, I do wonder why he has you there when your heart wants to have your life back and enjoy the time you have left with your husband? If your dad's lonely (which I would assume he is after your mom's death), then maybe he would like being around all the females at an assisted living? What are your plans for you and your husband? What does he think and feel about everything? Have a nice day.

Good heavens, hope22, it is not you.... why on earth would you think that? We all love you here, plus you are part of the conversation :)

My cousin's son was badly injured a few years back - head trauma. He's in the early 30's, was a bright, athletic man. He's now in a brain trauma rehab center (past year) where he gets various therapies, including living with the changed abilities. It's a few hours from home and it's been hard on the family. My whine is that I just learned that my mom has been using some pressure to get my cousin to bring him home because she thinks he should be home and they can take better care of him at home. She also thinks rehab centers are worthless because it hasn't helped her...sigh. My cousin and her husband work fulltime, their home is multi-level (he's in a wheelchair at present), I can't even imagine the caregiving load this will put on my cousin and her husband. My cousin's too worn out to be realizing that my mom's not at all addressing what follows after he gets home. My whine is that my mom's expanding her sphere of misery.

Katie, that is my biggest concern these days, mom falling and breaking a bone. She's fell a few times, got a few staples, scraped skin off her arm. I wake up at the tiniest of sounds anymore. Kind of like sleeping while wide awake? I barely can drink coffee anymore since it seems to wind me up too much lately. Just so much stress at times it's like you can barely breathe.

dee, I am also 51. Didn't use to be a private person nor live in a small world. I am now. Seems the smaller the world is kept the less stressful it is and yes, makes me happier. Truly, I can relate to everything you said, including Aunty Acid!! LOL, I love those comics.

hope, have fun outside! Working in the yard is always mentally relaxing and sunny days in the winter don't happen too often!... least not here ;) although we did get 2 hours of it yesterday and you can bet I was out in it!

Carer cancelled today. This is my long stretch without her (4 days) and normally my shopping day so, I am out of depends and ensure... hopefully mom will take her snooze here in a bit so I can make that mad dash to wally world and stock up real quick like. If it wasn't raining all the time I'd tuck mom in her transfer chair and walk there... it's not that far and we used to walk it together. sigh

JessieBelle, is there any way your Mom's doctor could prescribe *sugar pills* or whatever but tell your Mom they are laxative pills? Maybe that would satisfy her need to take them.

Ahhhh...time, precious time! So very, very true. Where has my life gone? 51 years old already. I was on my smartphone and got a popup saying my phone was infected with a virus. Something I've always wondered is why do people with talent create a harmful virus just for sh*ts and giggles? Imagine what they could do with that wasted talent. I've had some rough times and have also made some bad decisions in my life and I cringe when I think of how I've hurt folks, but I've learned how to be a better person for it. I'm more compassionate and forgiving than a lot of folks I know. I still make mistakes. I have a small world by choice - I've always been more comfortable that way. And you know what? I'm happy with my small world. That's all that counts. Ever see Aunty Acid comics? One was "I used to care what people thought of me...until one day I tried to pay my bills with their opinions". Spot on. Glad I found you folks - it helps to have others that get it. May your day be filled with smiles and happiness.

Veronica91, I realized I didn't fill out anything on my profile, so thanks for bringing that up so I went back and checked it. I am a very private person too, and it seems that since my Mom fell last June and all this happened so many people have come into my life with 4 hospital stays, 2 nursing homes for rehab, countless doctor visits and special wheelchair transport, some bad people, but most good. When I get worried when I awake in the middle of the night, or even scared about what is going to happen next with my poor Mom, I think about all the good people that post on here with genuine stress and concerns and it helps me realize I am not alone. As for any fakers out there, I would hope they find something better to do with their time as time is so very precious! My message to them is, "get a life while you can" ! It kind of reminds me of the time when people would write in fake crazy problems to Ann Lander's newspaper advice column just to amuse themselves. Now people have computers to waste their precious time with.

Got Mama's lunch done and hair is trimmed and rolled...It's really cold out but the sun is shining and I think I will get out and do a little yard work....

I also spent five years working with victims of domestic violence...and I understood them all too well...so yes, it's a sore subject to me to tell me I am naive because I want to see the good in people. I think we have two choices in life...to see the good in people and believe that by doing so it will help change things in a positive way, or to see the bad in people and just know they are bad people and never reach out to them....and let it make me damaged and negative....I'd rather choose the positive...

I want my life back and enjoy what I have left with my husband. I am stuck with my father, who can fully take care of himself (my sweet mom passed away a year ago). He works and drives and is NOT SICK!!!

I understand everything you have said...but I can assure you and anyone else on here that the one thing in life I am not is naive....That is absolutely NOT the case. I have worked in a job most of my life where I have had guns pulled on me, I have had some things happen to me that are far too private to even begin to share on here, at least not now....I have been in the role of a caregiver ever since I was 16 and have worked with some of the vilest most hateful situations anyone could imagine but far from being naive it made me even more compassionate...I appreciate your comments but being kind and being naive are two totally separate things.....I have more hurt in my heart from a lifetime of keeping my voice quiet because as a "young lady" growing up in the south, it was just not really taught that the way "ladies" dealt with life was to lose their temper, show their independence, etc. and that alone placed me in some very precarious situations...but again, far from causing it to harden me, I have used my horrid life experiences to hopefully become more compassionate.

I guess if folks actually come on here to create fake things they have other issues going on because honestly I can't imagine coming on here to make up things when there is a great big world out there just waiting to be explored...at least I think it's still out there.

It is and always be sad to me to think that kindness is far too often seen as being naive......I know a lot of people see me that way. and I could care less.

Hope this is far from a mean girls club. The people here are genuinely loving and caring. It is just that some of us have been round the block far too many times and can spot things that just don't add up. When I first came on I wanted to be really private and not put anything in my profile. After I had posted a few times one of the regulars asked me kindly to put in more details about my background. You see people who are pretending to be what they aren't for whatever reason or personal motivation often leave their profiles blank. Others on the forum are also on other forums and recognize the style of these posters in other places whatever name and location they may be using.
Believe me none of these comments are directed at you and no one would be bothering to connect with you if they felt you were in any way fake or untruthful. You describe your situation with Mama and your frustrations, experiences, hopes and fears that there is no way they are not totally truthful and worthy of love and support. You come across as a very nieve person and I don't say this critically, who has little experience with the big bad world and always sees the best in people. You are a wonderful person and I am sure Mama is too but there are some very very bad people in this world who are directing the way things are going and I mean those in high places. We as individuals can only do the best we can and help our loved ones as best we can as you are doing and reach out to others who are truly in need which i personally will only do these days if i see it with my own eyes not charities who raise enormous sums of money, take huge salaries send a pittance to the poor they are "helping' and even that amount is skimmed off before the intended recipients get anything if at all. I have seen the lavish way some 'fund raisers' are able to live and my husband has witnessed the other end when working in central Africa. The aid workers are travelling the mud roads in nice new SUVs while the nurses caring for AIDs patients have no gloves.
Did not really mean to go on like this but once my fingers get going it is often hard to stop.
So in summary you will never have been on here too long. Often people who have been very close to others at a critical time in their lives when the crisis is over do not want to stay close to those who have been their dearest friends. it is just too painful. That is why some posters do not come back and tell us what happened when their ordeal has ended and that is understandable, but for those who do and those who are still struggling it is very therapeutic to hear how they are donng and how their lives have changed post caregiving. it gives thos in the trenches hope and encouragement and idea for their future lives. That is why people want to hear what happened and what worked for them and know if the ideas given were helpful or not.
We love you Hope and it would be very sad to see you leave so don't worry about a few ctritical remarks, everyone has their "off' days

Veronica at least they didn't say "On Her Majesty's Service" I hope?