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I have to post this whine for today...can't believe how today has gone.

Today is NOT a good day.....Mom's not doing well with her memory today. She's remembering things from her childhood - told me how an uncle followed her when she walked home one night - she said he was a lech. (this just came out of the blue, she just started talking about it)....but then she took a nap and waited too long to go to the bathroom and had an accident....so she went and got changed. Came out, sat in her chair for an hour, waited too long to go again, got up and had an accident again. Then, after I changed the protective pad on her chair, got her clean clothes (again) and put her pillow from her chair in the wash, because she peed on that too, she came out and sat down. I asked her if she had changed her pad - she said, "I think I did" - I went in the bathroom - no, she didn't change it. She didn't flush the toilet either, and she didn't change her wet underwear and pants. So she came out and sat on her chair in the same wet underwear and pants, which got the new pad on the chair wet again. So...back to the bathroom again to change her clothing, her pad, her underwear...then change the chair pad again.....

These steps along the dementia road sometimes come faster than we expect. The rest of the day, she's been relatively fine, even walked into the kitchen to get herself a snack earlier, instead of asking me for it (which is her normal course of action), got a haircut (we have someone who comes to the house to do it) and I even got her to go outside and walk up and down the ramp twice, and sit in the sunshine. So strange how she can go from having a really bad morning to being fine the rest of the day. I hate the aging process and what it's doing to her. :-(
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CM yes you did forget the geography in the US. 40 miles is nothing. And day sugery is the norm. I had three hernias repaired and was out as soon as I could stagger. Joint replacements are home on day 4 as soon as you can navigate with a walker. hubby got one night in the hospital with his neck and his prostate. It really is pretty brutal compared to the good old days but you actually recover quicker.
Make preparations before the surgery so there are plenty of microwave foods in the freezer.
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To reduce the number of infections my eye, FF! To reduce the number of infections they can be held liable for, more like. Grrrrr….
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Countrymouse, only problem with surgery today most of it here in the States is outpatient.... doesn't matter how severe the surgery the insurance company wants you home as soon as you wake up from surgery and you can utter your name. The reason for this fast turn around is to reduce the number of infections.

I can make this my whine.... why on earth send someone home from surgery who can barely walk, with drains in your body that you have to care for yourself, hurting like there is no tomorrow.... to be cared by someone who is totally clueless. Thank goodness he didn't ask me when is dinner ;)

But I agree for Texarkana to lay it on with a trowel... we deserve time to heal.
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Tex, while you are in that hospital lie back, be waited on hand and foot, and make the most of it! There have got to be some compensations for having to endure the surgery after all.

And once you get home and you're convalescing, lay it on with a trowel and be shameless about demanding peace and quiet while you're in such a delicate condition (even if you're not, you're fine, and you're actually ready to go fifteen rounds in the boxing ring!). If your husband and mother have to adjust and come to some new modus vivendi because of it, so much the better! - it might even last on into the future.

Forty miles away from your doctor sounds a lot! - or am I just being British about this and failing to take US geography into account? But isn't there anybody you trust any closer than that?
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My whine/boo hoo moment for me today is now I am facing neck surgery ,getting older myself. What is going to happen to this house while I am in the hospital. My husband tries to clean but it just isn't well "enough" if you other ladies know what I mean. He will look after mom but he doesn't put up with her cr**p and I dread having to get well in the middle of that. I just frankly hate having her here.Everything gets more complicated, even just planning a trip to the grocery store.And every week , the MD appts. 80 mile round trips everytime.I am so sick of all this.So many others here have it much worse than me, just need to vent. Thank god for this site and for all the understanding.
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My whine today is about grocery shopping. I don't mind the shopping, but I come home loaded down with groceries. When Dad was alive he would get up and open the door for me. Not Mom. She just sits there watching TV as I come up the steps and struggle to open the door. I never feel as used as I do when bringing home groceries.
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My whine today is that I've been sick for a long time with Epstein Barr Virus. Sometimes I am so tired, I can hardly move. Today taking a nap, and Mom called and started going on and on about some papers, and did I put them there, etc., etc. I almost lost it on her (note to self--pray harder for patience), and said I don't feel good and I can't deal with this now. I'll see you this weekend and look at it then. I won't write what I wanted to say to her, cause it'd probably shock some of you, but today, feeling sick again, I just can't cope with her self centered crap.
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My whine is why does she have to throw temper tantrums?! She has to have her way. It ruined the whole day!
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A new wrinkle here.. This afternoon I spent a couple of hours on my small red Honda tractor pulling our lawn sweeper, picking up the grass from yesterday which was abundant since it was hard to find time to mow between rains and it had gotten too long.. anyhow .. After that I re-mowed the lawn since it looked shaggy, etc.

While doing these chores our Black Lab, Marley, ran circles around the tractor, just having a great time. She carries a ball in her mouth, hoping I will stop and throw it for her, which I do whenever I need to get off the machine for any reason. When it was time for her supper, I went in and fixed her dish of food and went out again. Shortly, she was joyfully running alongside again.

After finishing with the lawn I went in to watch a program on TV and was soon interrupted by my husband, who is 90 and suffering from vascular dementia. He wanted to know if I knew those two ladies who worked on the lawn this afternoon and if I did would I please call them and thank them for allowing his dog to cavort about - since she really enjoyed it..

He was soo serious... and Marley often had her fun while I mowed, etc.. Sometimes it is so hard to understand. He can go along for days without an outrageous comment and then he comes up with one when I had almost forgotten that he has a problem..

I guess that was not really a whine - but here's one.. I am so tired of waiting behind him to get where I want to go. He and that walker take up so much space and he is always walking, slowly, - right where I need to go.. I was born in a hurry and not blessed with much patience... And there is so much to do. and the days are so short and the nights are so long... There! that's a couple more whines, right?
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Jeanette when you get to Mom's age you will do really long poooofs too. Like many other things it come with age.
Sue can't guess at Mom's new behaviours. Hope she does not run around the hotel like that on your trip or worse at a rest stop
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I don't put anything with open flames anywhere where I can't see it at all times, and I usually use a candle warmer instead, just to avoid the whole open flame thing altogether. But the odor isn't the problem (well, it *is*, but not this time).

Mom's recent bathroom-sitting fetish started about 2 or 3 weeks ago - she just goes in there and sits - and I know all she's doing most of the time is urinating, because she sits there so long that she forgets to flush....and wipe....so I know what she did in the toilet didn't take 20-30 minutes.

I honestly am concerned that her memory is getting bad enough that when she goes in there, she just kind of loses track of time and just sits there. Then she forgets that she's used the toilet and needs to wipe/flush, change her incontinence pad, etc. This time, though....that was something new. She said she just didn't feel like undressing and putting her nightgown on, nor did she feel like pulling up her pants. So she just took them off, and came out here in her shirt and underwear alone. (Sitting here shaking my head.) I did go pants-hunting and she had taken her underwear and pants off and put a new pair of underwear on. But her pants and underwear were not soiled, and she had picked them up and put them in the dirty clothes hamper. But she couldn't put them back on? (Another head shake.) I think there's more at play here than just "I didn't want to put them back on". I don't know - maybe I'm reading too much into it. It's just so unlike her to come out into the common area of the house in just her underwear. She's never done that before.
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Sue.... do you put candles in the bathroom? I would but ma might use the candle for something e lse.

Since you mentioned sitting.... mom can poot gas for a really long time. Seriously... I listen at night and the poot part is sooooooo long. We eat the same food and no i do not do it .
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Oh...my....gosh.....

Mom just walked out of the bathroom (after sitting in there for about 45 minutes) in nothing but her shirt and her underwear. Not sure where the heck her pants went. I'm on the phone with my son right now, but I guess I have to go pants-hunting when I get done...she was joking about it when she came out, so not sure what the heck is going on. Very worried I'm going to go in there and find the pants full of something I *don't* want to clean up....

this is a new one....
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Sallie thats tough but how much crap can you take if he even moves to the same neighbourhood id move!
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todAy pretty good so far. mentioned about dad peeing in cup in bedroom because door was " locked". Should have probed more as he really meant bathroom locked as hubby was getting ready for work. Dad doesn't seem to have a problem using another bathroom during middle of night but not when hubby getting ready for work.meant
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My whine moment.... I'm too tired to whine or have wine.

xoxo
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Sort about the " fir " instead if " for " fat fingers hitting the wrong keys. Lol
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Countrymouse, I have to say NO because my husband would kill me. My brother stayed with my mom fir 3 weeks about a year ago fir work and she found vodka bottles under his bed when he left. He would come over here to use our pool and always had a water bottle. I found out later it was vodka. I wondered why he didn't except a drink!
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Book, put a post-it note on the rice container that says "Make some for me! :)" Then maybe she'll smile back and remember? x
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Sallie, practise saying "Absolutely not." Literally practise that until it becomes naturally the first thing that comes out when you open your mouth to talk to him. Get your "NO" in first, then you explain as far as you feel the need to. If you start with explanations and reasons, you'll leave gaps he can work on to make you change your mind. So: "NO" comes first.

You don't owe your brother any explanations, you know, by the way. He has to find an alternative to leaning on you; then you can see how you feel about offering some cautious support in the future. NOT NOW. And don't you dare feel bad about it!
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Sallie – don’t even give him a few days to get his act together. In the end, because he now has a rent-free home, he will have no incentive to do any improvement in his life. To support his drinking, he will start taking things from the house and pawning it. Then, you will end up not taking care of only 1 person, but 2. The thing is – how determined is your mother? Can she still say NO to his face? Stressful times ahead.

Veronica, I watch the real life ER show. It never fails, they always mention that when it’s the Full moon, weird things happen to people that lands them in the ER. And they have seen an increase of visits – on the full moon. So, I may not really believe it, but I can accept that it may affect some people.

My whine for the day – is my usual whine in my head – why can’t sis cook rice so that when I come home from work, I just have to worry about finding meat? No rice, means no meat. Which means microwavable dinner. =( Yet, when I cook breakfasts on Sundays, I ALWAYS cook an extra portion for sis. sigh…
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My wine today is i was at moms yesterday do u need meds or anything while were out. nope. now she don't know if she can get her meds today. knowi.g i have to go with my husband for his colon op. anytime. i have my own stuff with my family to do she make u feel guilty.
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Sallie NO, NO, NO, NO, to your brother. He's not your or Mom's responsibility. Not even overnight!
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My whine today is that tomorrow is Friday 13th and a full moon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My husband has been ranting and raving for the last few days mainly about politics anf for the last couple about our PCP who dared to write an incorrect prescription (on purpose) and needs to be reprimanded by her boss whoever that is and if she continues to do it wrong to the Sate board. It has been so bad i was prompted to look up the next full moon and low and behold I found it is tomorrow. I don't know if others believe that full moons influence the behaviour of certain people. Well i do and have found they are worse in the few days before rather than on the actual date.
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Tell him exactly what you just told us and end it with a big NO. You may not want hin living there but for goodness sake don't bale him out and start enabling him.
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My whine today. I get an e-mail from my older sister whom I haven't seen or verbally talked to for 3 years telling me my alcoholic brother is in the hospital with a stomach infection brought on by drinking vodka every day. Don't see him much either. I get the occasional text asking how mom is. I call him and find out he's getting out today. He's hinting about possibly losing his job. He's in his second divorce and renting some cheap apartment. Mom lives next to me and doesn't want him living there. I don't want him living there either. I have a hard enough time taking care if mom. His health is getting worse and I don't want to care for him too. He has done nothing to help me with my mom in three years. He's 55 yrs old and failing quick. He tried rehab twice, but it hasn't worked. He lies and can't be trusted. If he asks me if he can come here or with mom I don't know how to say no. Any suggestions?
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I agree, old habits do die hard with the elderly. My parent's where still paying for AOL last year. They'd stopped charging for service a LONG time ago. Sigh...

Glad you had a good day Susan... it always helps! I decided to take the entire day off (cept for food) after Moms giant temper tantrum at our friends house last night.... it sucked me dry. Apparently is sucked her dry also since she's not said a word to me today. Oh well....
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Freqflyer - old habits die hard sometimes....hopefully your parents will see the wisdom (and savings and convenience!) of having their mail come right to their door soon.

I hope everyone else is doing well today. Mom has had a reasonably good day today, so I don't have much to whine about. Her shower day was yesterday, but she didn't feel up to it, but willingly showered today, so I count that as a win. Her back has been bothering her quite a bit, so she takes a pain pill and then sleeps for a while, but laying in bed makes her back hurt more due to her weight...so it's kind of a vicious cycle.
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My whine for the day - my parents' PO box at the post office. Even since my parents stopped driving 5 years ago, my significant other and I [we are both senior citizens ourselves] been running to the post office to get my parents mail. At first we went daily, sometimes twice a day whenever my parents had their prescriptions sent to the PO Box.... now we whittled mail pickup down to once a week.

My parents having a PO Box is unnecessary since they can get home delivery right outside their front door. For the past 3 years we have been hinting to my parents to cancel the darn box. Couple weeks ago they renewed it for another year.... [sigh]

Before work today, I picked up my parents mail after stretching it out to 10 days.... I mentioned to Dad that I could see him and Mom having a PO Box back when they were driving, but to continue to have one when they need to depend on others to get their mail isn't reasonable.

You'd think my parents were in the witness protection group the way they act by wanting their mail to go to the PO box only !!!
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