My "whine moment today." What's yours?

Well said, Sally!

I do, Sally! I tell her they are busy or whatever, to spare her not them. She knows, though. She's been my best friend forever, now I am blessed to be there for her. Yeah, we used to have huge family Christmases - now everyone except my sister avoids us. Whatever. They have time for other things, though. I have to say that I've learned a lot about myself these past 6-1/2 years taking care of my mom.

Sally - this thread evolves and changes almost by the minute, it seems. Jump in and post whatever you want. Just understand that you might get a response from someone 3 or 4 pages later. LOL

This is our "safe place" to vent and whine about even the most mundane of aspects of caregiving - because those are the things that really wear us down - the same day in-day out things that we deal with 24/7 that no one else but another caregiver can possibly understand. Outsiders will look at what we're complaining about and say, "Well, what are you complaining about?! Why is it such a big deal that your Mom wakes up at the very moment you're trying to make a meal and needs changing or some other help? You should be at her beck and call all day long - after all, she did it for you when you were a child!" They don't get it - obviously. If they had to live in a caregiver's shoes - especially a live-in caregiver - for just one week, I guarantee you, they'd never make such a statement again. It's not about doing for our loved ones because they did for us when we were younger. It's about not having a life of your own as an adult, whether you gave up that life to care for them willingly or not.

Hi Dee...It's a very strange thing to me. It seems so many of us have the same story to tell with our siblings. It's so sad when they ask "where is everybody?" and you are left alone to try to explain or make up lies so her feelings won't be hurt. We have always been a family at Christmas no matter what and for the past two years, my sister is the only one who has shown up. They have so many excuses you could fill a book with them. Thank goodness your mom has YOU!!! She is blessed to have you. Give your mom xtra hugs!!

I follow a frugality blog whose name i can't mention. These are very good people and I have follows them for several years. They started with nothing and debit living on the poverty line but have now and four kids later achieved a new house worth $144K. I have followed how they went round the new building sites and collected enough lumber to build a shed and laid their lawn weith leftovers from the landscapers. the curbside shop scloth themselves fashionably with name brand clothing from thrift sotes,yard and rumage sales. The list goes on and on and they have achieved what they set out to do. Someone wrote in to the site critisizing them for preaching frugality when they were living in an expensive house. The response was overwhelming from the regular followers.

Hi Sally,
Time is precious, you're right. It is amazing how it makes us feel better knowing we're not "alone". It's nice that you get phone calls; as easy as it is, my mom doesn't get any. She has told me a few times how lonely she is, and asks if she did something to her other kids that they don't want to talk to her or visit her. It breaks my heart and makes me furious at them! I've even told them what she's said and it just rolls off their back. Our mother has always been there for all of us kids - she raised 7 of us alone and helped all of us with our kids. If infuriates me even more than leaving me to take care of her alone (except my brother's her POA). Not even on her birthday or Mother's Day. Sickening.

And Jeanette, I noticed that you posted a whine about cooking three meals a day some time ago....stay tuned as that may be my next whine!!! ha ha!!

I'm still not quite sure how this "Whine" page works. It says to "stay on topic" but by the time I get to respond to what someone wrote, the topic has changed!! So , sorry if I am interjecting in the wrong place. Hope, Jeanette, Dee....You all sound like angels and your support really made me feel better. I just want you to know that knowing that there are others going through this experience who can offer support means so much. Countrymouse, I could cut and paste and have the president email for me, and my siblings (aka "stooges") would do nothing. In the beginning I begged and pleaded and yelled and nothing mattered. There was always an excuse. We do get TONS of phone calls but to me, phone calls just don't count all that much. It's too easy these days to phone someone. You can do that from the car, the street anywhere. What counts is spending your time and your life with your loved one. Time is the most precious expensive gift of all as you can never get it back. Thanks for letting me whine and for all of your encouragement!! I hope that you all have a wonderful day today!!

That's such a cool idea, Hope! I've been working on my mom's backyard, have gardens around the entire perimeter and the front yard. Now need to put in a deck or patio and some furniture. Saw a cool idea for a bench using 4x4s and cinder blocks - that would work well in the far garden by the pussy willow tree I planted last year. Still need to get the food garden designed - want to put in 4 raised beds with an herb garden in the middle. Need to get the seeds started indoors next month. Mom always wanted a gazebo - would really love to build a pretty wooden one connected to a deck. How sweet would that be? Right now I have to drag her backwards through the grass, up/downhill, in her wheelchair, to get her under the maple tree. It would be awesome if I could get a backdoor leading onto a deck with a gazebo coming off one side. Ahhh, dreaming.

Sure dee! come on down..or over... ;) the picture of the one I love so much is so pretty I think I could live in it myself..In fact I am quite sure that during the summer I will most likely sleep in a hammock that I plan on putting in there....We have a very tree filled lot so it is a perfect setting to fix it just right and not one neighbor will even know it is there...and that would be great for the kids and for me...

Hope, can I come and stay with your kitties in their cattery for a weekend when you're done? Haha! Captain, that sounds really nice. Did you design it? Post a photo when you're done.

Hahaha! Katie, I for one would pee myself if I saw a pair of yellow eyes looking in the window at me! I've had darling kitties before - they could be so mischievous. I only have dogs now - they can be a riot! One of my own and 3 grandpups that stay with me a lot. Some of the stuff they do. I laughed so hard picturing the kitties filling your hair with confetti - they were having a party! Itty bitty kitty party! Hahaha!

Oh creepy ....I just noticed my post number about the tree monster in It Came From Hell has the last three digits 666 ......eeeeekkkkk :)

Captain, that sounds really pretty. I wish you were closer and I would commission you to help me build my cattery. I am definitely going to get one done so I can put these little toots in there at night and they won't bug us as much...The great thing is the way our home is I am going to place it to where they will have the outdoor cattery and then can come inside to the basement, which is warm. I'm going to paint it pretty colors and have all kinds of walkways and platforms they can climb on and play on and sleep on and they will probably not even want to come in again...They will be safe from all the wildlife and from nosy neighbors ...it is a dream of mine. I can set the posts myself...and really won't be that much to frame it all up...I saw a gorgeous picture of one that I want to design it similar to and it has a little pond and fountain with a stone waterfall leading into the pond...the the waterfall has little ledges for the kids to climb and rescline on...I am going to take my time because I want it to be really nice for them...and it will help me out a LOT....

I LOVE your idea about the big tree monster paying a visit to our siblings...hahaha...just the thought of it makes me very happy :) Thanks Katie ...lol

Katie is right dee...it is more comical than anything else. Last night all I could find of that particular movie online was the trailer, so i just watched about 6 minutes and got a good chuckle out of it..then I found another oldie...The Screaming Skull...that one was the full length movie so I fell asleep to that..haha

You know, I can only imagine what my cats ... aka..the kids ....get into when I'm sleeping. I have woke up in the morning to find all kinds of mayhem ...I used to sleep through most of it but now I am so tuned in to listening for the slightest noise from Mama that I wake up when they start their rampage....Back before I moved home, I had fallen asleep on the sofa that night and just stayed there and the next morning got up and drifted outside with my coffee and my neighbor came outside and asked me what on earth I had in my hair...It appears the kids had shredded a paper and my hair was full of those pieces of paper...I almost got the image in my head of them sitting around me giggling and putting pieces of paper in "mom's" hair..people who know me know that when I say "the kids" I am talking about my cats because I don't have children... :)

dee1963, that movie is really more comical than scary and the name makes the movie sound scarier. The tree monster with the big yellow eyes is pretty hilarious really and this movie looks like it was made for teenagers going to drive ins in the early 1960s. It is fun to watch as a diversion from real life. Maybe this tree monster could pay a visit to some of the sibling's homes that won't help with the caregiving...peer into their windows etc. I am being silly this morning, probably the result of too much coffee! I would be more worried about Hope's great cats turning her hallway into a disco again with that bunny light and the big band music as they did the other night. It makes us wonder what our pets do while we are sleeping!

gotta work today but it should be kinda fun . were building a flower planter inside a basement egress well out of bolted together stone precut slabs . hard to exlain but the rear wall of it will be a 1-1/2 inch thick arched limestone plate . then the natural stone will butt up to the planter on 3 sides and arch over the top of the limestone rear wall . everybody out there is looking forward to it cause they know its going to be unique to the point of probably never being done before .

Wow. Better stop reading AC posts right before I fall asleep. You would not believe the frustrating, bizarre & convoluted dream I had. Wait, you're caregivers, soooo yeah you would. Sheesh that was creepy and weird. Hope, how on earth do you not have nightmares watching those freaky movies? Let alone falling asleep to them?!

Glad she has somewhere to whine. Shame someone couldn't refer her to here. But then we would have been inundated by who knows what. :)

I am going to whine about the whiney lady I hear on the radio whining about taking care of her old dad. Like all of us are doing on a daily basis. So quit your whining lady.

Got Mama ready for the night and all settled in..all my babies are in and asleep...and I am thinking if I can find that cool old movie mentioned the other night..."From Hell it Came"....I will watch that and fall asleep...haven't seen it in ages and always remember how scary it was when I was little..now I just think it will make me feel cozy and sleepy....

hope you get some time off Jeanette. My brother has recently started telling me if I need him to come just call him...trouble with that is, I have asked for time before and then I have to ask again, then again, and then he gets here so late that it is time to come back by the time I leave, and I am worn out and aggravated so I just gave up a long time ago...for me the way to go is going to be respite...once all the bugs have cleared away...Mama's still pretty frail now anyway so it would be mentally difficult for me to even think of not staying close by right now...

hope everyone has a peaceful night...

Oh, I just noticed Sunday was on the table, Jeanette. Take Sunday and run with it. Maybe you can get a Monday thrown in, too. That would be great.

Jeanette, isn't it funny how it's easier to do things next Monday? What happened to the Fri, Sat, and Sun in between? Let us know what happens next Monday.

I don't ask my brothers for help. One lives faraway, so couldn't help. The other is tied up with family and work. His family would probably help if I ask them, but I have a hard time asking for help. I can't really figure out what I need help with, anyway. I don't have to be here all the time yet. I would like my brother's help keeping Mom company, even if it is just to call her every few days. I do occasionally ask both brothers to call her. They do... but I really don't want to have to tell them to call her. They should know to do that themselves without Sis having to remind them like a nag.

Operation "Ask For Help" has begun.

So far our texts have been....

"Hey, is it possible I can get a few hours break? Mom hasn't been sleeping so well and I am exhausted".



"Entirely Possible"

"Thank God. I am so tired. She's been pacing and talking all night long. So much so the dog slept on the couch.

"Fine, just need to know when so I can plan ahead".

"Surprise us. Days do not matter anymore as they just blend together, besides, your mother would like to visit with you I a m sure".

"Sunday, Monday??? Right in there"??

Sigh.

thanks jessebelle ,
my buddy ' mickey ' who works with me sometimes , has legally adopted a young neice . mick is one of a kind . a bipolar control freak but a kicka** husband and father . the adopted girl is used to being spoiled to compensate for otherwise irresponsible parenting . its interesting to watch mick and his wife break the news to this kid that she aint in disneyland anymore and shed live like poor folk .
good , poor , folk ..
good for the state and county for choosing micks frugality over the weakness of doting grandparents .

JessieBelle, I agree with you 100%. I see it with my sig other's grown daughter and her husband. Why on earth does one need a $200 pair of blue jeans. I know I am not impressed, in fact I am thinking I could pay $39 for a pair of jeans and put the rest into savings.

In the past 15 years they always have had 2 brand new cars with two car payments. Again, not impressed, but then again I am driving my beloved 19 year old Jeep. Her Dad's Jeep is also 19 years old. We save a ton of money keeping our old vehicles until the wheels fall off.

Their daughters want gymnastic lessons, horse riding lessons, cheer-leading camp, designer clothes... my gosh, these girls are still in grade school :P We had none of those things in grade school and we survived.

And the daughter wants a larger house. They have very little saved for any type of rainy day, and forget about retirement. That new house is just a pipe dream for them. Come on, kids, try to live BELOW your means.

cant spring edna in the freezing weather but if shes still flakin around there on the right spring day , and would like to -- we will be going for a ride .
i think it best to just go , during an outdoor sitting session . i think there are people in the nh staff who would turn their heads and high 5 each other unless im badly misreading these bunch of women and men .
were going either way if edna holds up long enough . aint a mf ' in thing i could be charged with , and even if i were i always considered probation to be a bargain in comparison to the cost of a therapist . told a probation officer that once . hes probably still bustin a gut .
told another in marion indiana that i was going to go out to the state fish hatchery and FK fish for my 100 hours of community service . that poor sucker came unglued . his job is to keep a straight face and i made him spit his dentures plum across the room .
were GOING to blow that s*ithole some spring day and we aint gonna be apologising for it in the end .

I'm afraid that the main thing we teach kids in the US today is that image is all that matters.

It depends on the part of the country you live in, Capn. Down here in Alabama, homemaker-Mom is fine. One trouble I see in the middle-class US right now is that people spend so much money. They have been brought up to consume. They buy so much that many (or most) women have to go to work to keep from drowning in debt. I look up and down the road here and see young folks with a good house with two expensive SUVs in the driveway. One couple across the street buys so much that it's alarming. They replaced a room of furniture last week. The sofa they took out looked like it was nearly new to me.

I saw an article on Yahoo Finance a few days ago about how savings are low for younger people because they can't stop spending. An iPhone each year, a new iPad, a laptop, multiple app downloads, a new car, a closet of new clothes... and they can't figure out how to get the money to put a new roof on their house, which is under water already. So they borrow more. We are doing a poor job teaching our young folk that they don't need everything that they see advertised.