My "whine moment today." What's yours?

Big hugs (((((Sally))))). I know that my own problems are small when compared with other people. I don't know how well I would cope in your situation. I don't think I could.

I am sad to say that I feel the same way. I just don't think I have it in me to care for anyone like I have been with my mom, again. Someone wrote something the other day about going thru HELL with her mom and then her mom passed away. Then, her sister came to her with MS. A sister who never helped her when she could have. Someone got upset with her and called her selfish for not wanting to help her sister. I don't think she was being selfish at all. I totally understood how she felt. I have a brother with schizophrenia who lives here with us and has made my life a living hell on top of trying to care for my mom. He is very nasty, tries to cause trouble for me in every way he can. I know he is sick, but I am done with it. I have had a lifetime of him. My biggest worry was that my mom would pass away and I would be here , caring for him. There is no way that that is going to happen. I will leave that job to my other brother and my sister, who have done nothing to help me. I don't feel one bit selfish for it either.

Hope: I'm with you. After this caregiving is over I'm going solo! It's not that I dislike people but commitment to anyone equals the possibility of getting stuck in the caregiving role again and once has been enough for me. I don't think I have anything left to do it again. Like you I feel I have been forever changed by this experience.

Jessie, and freqflyer, I think what you are describing is called compassion fatigue. I hope you can find some ways to recharge your emotional batteries.

There are a few references to it that can be searched for in the search site box in the upper right hand corner.

Hope, "Fifty Shades of Nay" !!! That is great! Heehee...
I also feel so removed from what is going on in the World today a lot of the time. Like I am outside of a bubble looking in at other's lives. I am disappointed too in some people for running away. They act like ageing or caregiving is contageous. Just a visit for a quick coffee seems to make some people act like a deer caught in the headlights. Heck, it isn't like I am going to make them change Mom's briefs or anything like that! Hold onto your dreams for the future and just take things one day at a time....that is all we can do. We are all so great for doing this, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes.

I think that there is a protective mechanism that comes into play when people are in stressful situations as in caregive. I was going to say a brick wall comes up but it really is a glass screen so that nothing can't get through and hurt. It is the only way to survive in the present. you are a kind of spectater to your own life. As sally say the future will take care of itself and the emotions will return even if they are painful at first.
Hope you may never find or want romance but if it is in God's plan it will find you. I see great things in the future for both you and Book

Thanks Sally...I know that's true for sure...and I know I'll be ok but I think in some ways I have been forever changed by all this. I don't think it will be in a bad way though...I hope I never stop caring about other people and I do care about them, and yet it is going to be really hard to ever let anyone inside my "cone of silence".....I can count on one hand with three fingers removed how many people I trust these days.... :)

Oh Hope, I know how you are feeling! It's very hard to have any energy left over for friends or romance these days. Don't be hard on yourself! This is what you are doing NOW...you are there for your mom and that is HUGE!!! I'm sure that you won't always feel the way you do now and one day you will feel like having friends and maybe even romance in your life. I think that caregiving for our moms who we love so much, just takes so much out of us. Especially when our siblings won't help and we have no one to talk to who understands what we are going through. Friends and people who are not going through this just don't get it. Pat yourself on the back many times because what you are doing for your mom is amazing!!! The future will take care of itself. Hugs!!!!

last last post sounded mean spirited...I'm sorry friends...I am just really missing my Mama this morning....and dreading the visit from my brother...because he just doesn't get it....

Another note, I have lost absolutely ALL interest in anything remotely associated to dating, romance, etc. The few people who visit will comment about how I still have a life ahead of me and I know that is true, God willing of course, but they seem to think it is going to involve a romantic involvement....NOPE...nada, nein, ne pas un, ningun. I am so not into this Fifty Shade of Grey deal that is such a huge topic right now... meh...nope.......more like Fifty Shades of Nay for me.......while I hope to one day travel up the east coast, down to the Florida Keys, maybe even New Zealand...those will be solo trips for me.... I'm amazed at how badly people bug me these days...I guess all this time of just wishing a friend would call and talk ...even on the phone....let alone come and visit and have coffee and yet nothing from any of them....I am almost in shock...and yet sadly, because I have seen it happen to so many people in this situation, I have learned that a huge segment of our population is just self serving, greedy and incompassionate...period.... again....meh

Oh no, don't leave your cat Jeanette!!! Hopefully you won't have to leave at all, but I know you would not leave your furtots...and you're right, they might block me completely if I got going on them...they are truly my "kids" to me...

I am so baffled and emotionally exhausted. Mama has been back in one of her downhill slumps the last few days..her eyes also look very weak...In my heart it feels like every time she does this I lose her a little more and a little more...this morning I was trying to clean her nose and she raised her hand like she was trying to hit me...for her to raise that hand took a lot of strength so I know how much she hates it...I had joyfully found one of those little trimmer things that is so absolutely awesome...it helps me keep her groomed perfectly as she was always such a prim and proper little lady. I want her to be like that now as long as it is comfortable for her. but if she could have I think she might have swatted me this morning....

Jessie...I don't think it's not that you're not treasuring your time...I feel sure you are...quite honestly, I have a lot of moments like that too, even this past Friday, Mama was not doing well at all...for some reason, people think I should call the hospice folks every time something looks different or off. But as long as I have been through this with Mama, I pretty much know exactly what they are going to check and do for her and I can now do all of that as well, so aside from something I don't know is going on, in which case I would definitely call them, what are we going to do??? No more surgery, no more heroic measures...I want life to be as peaceful and painfree for Mama as possible...and Friday, while very scary in a lot of ways for me...I just sat there and held her hand, and prayed while I watched her...I had given her that little dose of Morphine that helps her relax and breathe easily, and she started resting and finally drifted off to sleep, but it's not that i want to lose her, but it hurts so much to see her like this...I see a smile less frequently...I think maybe if she could smile she would, she is just maybe not able anymore...and I feel dead inside...completely dead. Not because I don't love her....but because I love her so much and I know there is nothing else I can do but what I am doing and so I am trying to emulate Mama, be strong, be a lady, know that God alone has control of these situations and let her have her dignity.....My heart hurts so much and no one understands in my family...well, I think my two aunts...Mama's baby sisters do...but I don't have anyone to talk to other than Hospice, and I do that too, but doing that seems to bring about a flurry of activity and I don't want that and Mama doesn't want it..so I got long winded again, but I totally understrand where you are coming from Jessie....(((hugs)))

Jessie, I have noticed the same thing about me, it's like my emotions have packed up and left for awhile. It's pretty much *whatever*, until something causes a meltdown... maybe it gets all bottled up. It doesn't make for a happy home life with sig other as I can't connect with people anymore :(

A little whine about myself this morning -- it bothers me how emotionally removed I am from things. I take care of things and feel swamped with all the responsibility a good bit of the time. But the emotional part of me just stands back and watches, never really getting involved. I feel more like I'm just doing a job. I wish I could feel something more than this. Maybe it would be too hard on me to let myself get more emotionally involved?? I envy people who are treasuring their last years together with their parents. Mostly I just feel like "meh."

Finally got Mom out of the house yesterday for a couple of hours, even if it was just to run errands. I ran to the pet store, the Goodwill and the grocery store, while she sat in the van and "people watched". I offered for her to get out onto her scooter and come in the store with me, but she declined - which I kind of expected anyway.

Jeanette - you asked if something is going on with her lately - I think it's just boredom and the realization that she really can't get out much anymore, and it's making her restless and cranky. She's been checked over very recently head to toe, and has a med checkup coming up next week, complete with bloodwork, so there's no medical reason (at least nothing new) for it - no UTI, no stroke or anything else.

This morning she was up when I got up - I *dared* to sleep in just a bit this morning and wasn't up until after 8am, which is unusual for me. Sat there in her chair dozing off and on until I suggested she lay down - she did, but said, "wake me up when breakfast is ready" - which hit me the wrong way. It was like I was her maid or personal chef - which I guess I am and I resent that sometimes. Oh well, it will pass. I *did* tell her, "You know, Mom, you *could* have gone into the kitchen and gotten a banana or an orange or something to hold you over!" - her response? "Nah. I'll just wait until you make it." (sigh) Part of it may be that I've told her repeatedly that she can only have 1 banana a day and she can't remember if she's had one already (because she'll eat 5 if I don't stop her - not kidding) - yet if I'm in bed at night, she'll go out in the kitchen and get whatever she wants. If I'm up, *I* have to do it. Funny how that memory thing works....

I will be looking for answers from my Dr. on Monday. The shots didn't work well the last time and they are very painful. Thanks for your reply.

Awh... Veronica... I'm so happy you know what a pibble is! and thank you for knowing how important she is to me.

I would not leave without my pibble. Nor my other two seniors (dogs) I'm up to my eyeballs in elderly beings. Poochie, the oldest is OLDER than mom, by dog years.. 18 ! Daphne, my medium dog is now 14.... and mom, well, she will turn 80 in May. I do also have a cat but I'm not so worried about her, she can climb a tree so no boat needed.

haha, don't get me started on my dogs... between me and hope, her cats, my dogs, we'd probably shut down this website :)

Hey, we are getting a bigger storm by Monday (Joy)... I know it's just rain but Oregon is full of mountains and hills and all that rains slides down with the mud.

Whatever shall I do when my brother comes by to give me a break... I'd love to rent a Hotel Room, with my pibble of course, and just sleep. I am so sleep deprived these past few months my get up and go ran as far away as it could possibly get.

Jeanette you would not leave because they would not take your dog and you would not leave without your pibble

Brinoz, have you talked to a physical therapist? I don't know, but there might be exercises you can do that would strengthen the muscles supporting your back and take some of the strain off? But if you need to get back to your surgeon, don't (do what I'd do and!) keep putting it off - where you get cysts, you get other nasties - don't wait for it to become an emergency.

Veronica, you might be onto something! They would scoop HER up and go, leaving me here all by myself ;) ah yes, let it rain let it rain let it rain! (just kidding) gave me a lovely visual though!

Same old whine, my parents ridiculous post office box. They have had this box for decades on end. It all started back in the 1970's when someone stole a dividend check from their outside mailbox. Wish Dad would add up all the money he and Mom had spent on rent for those PO boxes, it would be probably be some outlandish amount.

Told Dad that sig other might be going away on assignment for 3 weeks, how would he and Mom get their mail? I can't do it. Dad said he would get a taxi.... say what? pay $30 to pick up one or two pieces of mail?

Dad said one reason for the post office box is that he didn't want the church to know where they live as the church might ask for more money. I had to keep from rolling my eyes when I heard that.... "ah, Dad, how would the church know if you owned the house or was renting it?".... Dad couldn't answer that one.

Guess if someone from the church wanted to check in on the well fare of my parents, they would need to rendezvous at the post office :P

Jeanette I wouldn't bother building an arc Mom probably would be too scared to get in. Just wait for the coastguard to fly by with a helicopter they will just scoop her up and go.

brinoz i don't know anything about synovial cysts but i wonder if they could do lazer surgery on it. Otherwise they can inject the nerve roots and stop the pain at least for a while and it can be repeated. Is there a pain clinic you can go to?

brinoz, I hope you find some relief for the pain and soon! Doing this is hard enough but throw in physical pain = debilitating. Perhaps a visit to your Dr and some preventive maintenance would stop it for awhile?
Oh, I am at 2 years 5 months.

We do get pretty good at multi-tasking that's for sure. I do the same thing here. Seems like every step has a purpose. Go to mom's room grab laundry, go to garage throw it in, take garbage out since I'm already in the garage, walk through kitchen, do some quick dishes and grab mom a snack, get her started eating, take a quick trip to the restroom... wipe counters off while I'm already in there. I'll do this for an hour or so then I do take a break.

Just finished blending 2 weeks of fruits n veggies for the additional boost to her shakes, while doing that I decided to mince up the baked pork chops/smothered in sauerkraut ... WOW! Toss that onto baked potatoes with some gravy... even a totally toothless person would be able to eat it and it tastes spectacular!! To make life easier I am going to try doing this with whatever it is I eat instead of making two different meals.

I do not have to rake the leaves since the windstorm blew them all away. Whew! Yes, it's still raining.

Been trying to nap off and on all day, when mom sleeps. Lots to do but I'm feeling run down. Mom was up a couple times last night and got up at 6:30 after spilling her water bottle all over herself and the bed. It'll all be there tomorrow. Can't wait til I can get out and play in the dirt and smell the fresh air. 18" of snow outside. It's beautiful but I'm ready for green grass and blue skies.

brinoz...bless your heart..I'm sorry...I'm afraid I don't have that problem, I have some damage to my rotator cuff now after all this lifting and such and sometimes all I can do is just try to get rest in between as well....I wish I knew something to tell you. That is another thing about this that is so hard...There is no off time when you get hurt or sick...you have to plow your way through the pain...and sometimes that isn't even doable...hopefully lots of the folks on here can give you some good advice...in the meantime...prayers and hugs for you...I am now at three years two months, so I do understand that...(((hugs)))

Working from home....oh Lord...bless all of you who are able to do it. I have tried...but I have the attention span of a gnat these days....I am working on some things for the future but they don't have definitive deadlines...thank goodness...I NEVER get to finish anything I start...I always have to stop in the middle and do something "caregiver" related..even raking the yard, I am constantly running back and forth to peep at Mama to be sure all is well....I guess to anyone who didn't know otherwise it would appear I am taking a break...that's a lot of breaks.... :)

Today marks the 3rd year I have been with Mother. Feeling really sorry for myself. Pity party Deluxe!! 7 years ago I had surgery for a Synovial cyst on L4-5. For the last 2 months I can feel it is coming back, which is common as I have degeneration in the spine. I am really upset and need to find a way to stop the progress of this problem. I am now in terrible pain in the evenings and can only get relief from lying down. Any idea that could keep this from progressing to surgery again?

Hey, that's what I'd like to do and it is a beautiful sunny day out there...it doesn't take long for the get up and go to go....Mama is back on a low ebb right now and it is once again frightening...her breathing is again different...so much so that I sat beside her a long time last night and just wanted to make sure she knew I was there....this morning started out the same, but now she seems to be a little better...God bless her...

I always try to get the front yard all done before the weekend because that way if I by chance have the slightest opportunity to do something fun I can do it without feeling like I need to clean the yard first...I think I get that from Mama, she kept her yards immaculate up until she fell down her stairs so I feel like I need to keep them that way now...granted I can't keep it done as much as I'd like or as often as she did, but then in truth she would not have been able to either under the same circumstances I think...I think that has been one thing I have had to get past..feeling like it has to always be done, perfect, right, etc....now the motto is just do it the best way you can and as long as you take good loving care of Mama then that is enough....life is a lot easier that way....

I was damp mopping this morning just to freshen it up and my brother bought me one of those squeeze out type sponge mops...yep, he bought me a mop....anywho...I hate that thing. Mama always used those cotton thread ones and I don't like them either. I have always opted to get on my hands and knees and get down there where I can see it all...that way I can also get the baseboards up close and get it really really clean...I am sitting here looking at my floor dry after giving that sponge mop deal a try and I can tell I'm about to have to get my cloth and hit it.....he has also bought me a vacuum cleaner...hahahaha....his message to me....well, we can guess....urge to kill......

Good morning!!

Yep, it's still raining. Rained hard all night along with massive wind gusts. It was too noisy to sleep for either of us.

We also got rid of the land line. No annoying phone calls for us anymore and like you hope, it is no longer glued to my side, I actually will leave it in the jeep a lot of the time.

How you ladies who work from home manage to stay even slightly on task is amazing. I had this dream of taking some online courses to further my education and well, it remains a dream for now.

haha, that's not boring hope! and I agree, things don't last as long as they used to. I'll be even more boring and say all I wanna do it curl up on the couch, find a good movie to watch while it storms outside. That's it.

All these great garden projects some of you are doing is getting me in the mood for Spring again, but it will be awhile before I can get to my flower beds. Still I am hopeful because they are out there just waiting for me. Hope I don't run into any snakes this year....that makes me scream and my neighbors have been warned! Toads and worms don't bother me. (except for the telemarketing kind).

Jeanette, it may be time to build an arc! I hope you don't get any problems from all that rain! I also keep thinking about but forgetting to tell you....THANK YOU for creating this space for us to vent or share ideas, etc.!!! So many of us, I am sure, are so grateful for it!!
Hope, the older appliances were sure built to last! A repair guy told me recently that appliances today are built to go 5 years....I am having issues with a built in microwave that is part of a wall oven. They couldn't fix it until 4 tries...and then it gave up again. I am going to just wait and get a new one, (at a different' store), and use a countertop microwave until then. Trying to minimize the turmoil from other things in life right now....

Jeanette, wow, saw on the news the massive quantity of rain that is falling there...It looks like it is not going to let up any time soon either..bless your heart..that kind of weather makes all of this seem even worse...

I did get to enjoy my yard yesterday...I worked my behind off and got it looking sooo good. It will make spring planting so much more enjoyable having all the pruning, raking, etc. done well in advance. I also got the oven cleaned. Wow did it ever need it too. I have put that off for quite a while and I know why because that is one of most hated tasks...sure made me miss my self cleaning oven, and sent me online to see about getting a new one for here..Amazingly this is the original one that was put in when the house was built..so over 50 years old!!!! They sure don't make appliances like they used to. I already know that any new one I buy will probably last all of 10 years at best...one reason I don't want to get rid of it..Good grief...how boring am I this morning...sorry