I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
I love love LOVE how you are journaling all of this, even though you might have taken a break for awhile... still such a great idea. For all good intended, this thread is somewhat my way of journaling... least I have others to type to right? We all share idea's, fun stories and what's going on in our life.
Nobody is allowed to have 3 kinds of fits if/when you place your mother... not even you. I know you've already discussed this with your mother and all is in place. Be kind to yourself. Love your mother while she's still able to understand it. Even if/when she get's to the point of not understanding... little things will make her smile... tickles, silly actions... a hug, a bad joke... haha, I've even spanked (lightly without harm) my moms butt for being crabass. She laughed at me.
If you've met one person with AD/Dementia... you've met ONE person. Each individual is different. Lives were different. I personally believe the whole spectrum has an effect on how our loved ones progress.
Helmet (s) ordered.
drug paraphernalia has been frequently traced back to many hundreds of years BC ..
Oh, I noticed now when one wants to see what is available "Find Housing and Care" the blue box in the upper right where you enter your zip code, you now have to fill out a form... in the past you could check on the information without signing up. Honestly, I don't want anyone sending me e-mail or calling me at home :(
Another slip of the memory today for Mom - one that threw me a little. I guess they all throw me a little these days, though, because this advancing decline seems surprisingly fast some days - others, not so much and she does ok, but today just isn't one of those "good" days, I guess. I was rushing to send a bday card out to my daughter, who turns 27 tomorrow (I forgot to send the card in all the hubub this week), and I had Mom sign it too, because I like her to feel included on these things. I had just finished telling her it was for my daughter, C. - and how old she was, etc. She took the card, looked up at me and said, "Who is this for again?" - so I repeated that it was for my daughter, C. - and she said, "So...I should sign it "love from Gramma", right?". Totally floored me, but I kept my cool and just said "yes" and let it go.
I had started a diary on my computer when I first moved in with Mom and started noticing little symptoms of her decline....I stopped after a while, because I just felt like it was one big whine, and it wasn't doing any good anyway. I think I'll go back to it, because I need to document these symptoms so I can show them to her doctor and to my siblings - especially DS, who I'm sure will have 3 kinds of a fit when it comes time to place Mom in a facility (not soon, but it's going to happen at some point, and I don't think we're talking more than 5 years here). I want to have proof of her decline and everything that has happened over the years since I've been here.
I really, really hate this age-related decline/dementia thing. It sucks.
While scrolling through FB ... I see that my son is engaged. Really. 33 years old and he announces this on FB and didn't bother to mention it to me at all. The kicker of it is... he hasn't met her, least not in 20 years so I'm told. Apparently he briefly knew her in middle school. Uhm, ok. She lives in MN and he in FL. Sigh. I'm now thinking more than one helmet is needed...
Well, would you look at that. I put this in square brackets so as not to drag everyone back to a prickly subject, but then slip naturally into capitalising all the pronouns - I must have been more indoctrinated than I realised!
Hope, I completely agree. If I didn't have this place to rant and rave I'd either say something I'd regret to mother or I'd be telling it to our chickens. Either way, not good.
My whine is that I'm not happy with one of our new caregivers. Oh Dear. She's rostered for tomorrow too, which I'll just live with, but if it's not a huge improvement on today I'm in for a very uncomfortable conversation with her agency. I don't enjoy telling people how to do their job, but that is based on their being better at it than I am - and to judge by today, she isn't. And I don't care how many years' experience she's got.
Regarding the email...I get a ton of emails every day...I think I have over 20,000 sitting in my inbox that needless to say I have never read and will never read, but I know there are some in there that were there from the early days that I don't want to lose, so I am cherry picking those..but all that to say...it doesn't bother me in the least to get email or not get it...that's one of those non issues to me..I read them if I feel like it, sometimes I sit here and delete a pile of them because I need something quite mundane to clear the cobwebs out of my head and sometimes I just look at them, say...hmmmm...and keep on going....I love this thread...it's gotten to be my mainstay...I always find the thread fascinating...sometimes I comment, sometimes I don't. I'm so glad this thread is here...I would probably implode if you ever deleted it Jeanette :))
The only comment I can or tend to make any longer regarding religion is something Mama always said, and something Jessie stated as well....To love God with all our heart and soul and love each other and the rest will fall into place. I do believe that.
I'm not even scholarly enough when it comes to being able to quote what is found where, etc. but again, if you remember and practice the aforementioned, no worries....I do think that it is easy for people to try to turn scripture to fit a particular situation...and I have even had moments during all this caregiving journey where I have questioned my faith...a LOT....but then down deep in my heart I KNOW there is a God, that God loves us all and I sure am thankful God is the judge and not mankind....because there is little that is kind about man for the most part it seems...
I don't have much of a whine I guess...I do have this...and this was not on this thread, but a couple of days ago and my mind is too far gone to even remember what thread it was on, but someone who was relatively new I think was having a particularly hard time working through the caregiving thing...mercy haven't we all...she received some really harsh comments from a couple of folks...I don't even remember who so I'm not pointing fingers by any means...but it broke my heart for the person who was hurting...why ...of all places....where it seems a given we are welcomed to share our woes and gripes and frustrations and I don't care who you are but if we are all being honest I think we have ALL had those moments...heaven knows I have....and sometimes you just need to have a place to go and SCREAM in your own way..maybe it was to vent and whine...but then to get blasted by folks for what they said...called selfish, clueless, etc...how sad..how horrible....yes even shameful to blast a fellow caregiver....can't we give "helpful information" without blowing someone out of the water figuratively with both barrels.....I have not seen that lady back on here...she may be...I hope so..I hope she knows we don't all feel that way....God have mercy
My whine today - Arts and Crafts. I showed up at the 'skilled nursing facility' for Mardi Gras yesterday only to find it was cancelled because of the 'cold' (70 degrees, some wind, some were cold). I find my mother at Arts and Crafts...first thing she says to me is not 'hi' but "they're not giving me my eyedrops...for two weeks now!--that's NOT right!" (mind you, I visit her at least three/four times a week. Last time I saw her was Saturday. So, of course, I go up to the nurses station and find out that this is not true. Now I'm wondering what's true, what's not true. The stress doesn't go away! So, anyway....here's how Arts and Crafts goes:
Picture about fifteen 90-plus year olds, all with some form of dementia, being handed a large paper heart with paper lace along with sequins, glitter, smaller hearts and a SMALL pot of glue with a SMALL stick.
"I have a heart"; "I had a heart"; "My heart stopped once"; "I can't do this"; What's this for?; "Why does she have that"; "mine's is broken" and the inevitable comment of all comments, the one that starts the domino effect: "I have to go to the bathroom". "Me, too"; "I have to go now!" (this one is yelled).
Once that happens, all is lost.
I was asked by the head of activities if I might want to consider volunteering. She wasn't joking.
I have a funny story --- not meant to offend :) My aunt, now 90, diagnosed with ALZ, called me the first time it snowed, to tell me that Santa Claus was up on the roof.
That's when I knew her mind was going :)
Now I'm going to offend at least half of the people on the group. I usually keep my thoughts to myself, because I have friends that are staunch atheists and friends who are primitive fundamentalist Christians. The fundamentalist Christians are friends of my brother's family, who are fundamentalists themselves. I usually hold my tongue because each side is waiting to sharpen their fangs and sink them in. The truth is that I think the Bible is about the worst book ever written. Why? Because men cannot fathom God and it attempts to lock Him into a box. The New Testament attempts to unlock the box (tear the curtains) to set people freer. The Holy Spirit comes to earth and women are even included in the Pentacost. The greatest commandment is to love God and love each other, and all the rest falls into place.
One thing I've noticed on the fundamentalist side is they pervert truth to fit what they want. For example, locals here in Alabama think Gomer Pyle is a good family show. The word is that all the things said about Jim Nabors are untrue -- a bunch of lies made up by evil people. The truth is that Jim Nabors is very open about being married to a man. I saw the other day that my niece's husband had liked a movie star on Facebook. I wanted to write him to ask him if he didn't know the star was a gay activist. I didn't, because I know he would prefer not to know realities.
I was a biology teacher who taught evolution. I am definitely of the devil to the fundamentalists. But I believe strongly in God, so I'm a fool to the atheists. I also believe in demons and angels. I believe that life goes on when we die. I believe we should be kind and loving to each other. And I know that God is out there and He is so smart that I couldn't begin to understand Him by reading a few words written by people. I think it is the Holy Spirit that gets people out of the box when thinking about God. I also think that it is the Holy Spirit that lets people know to love each other, and to do unto others as we would have them do to us.
I could write a book about this, but I won't. Sometimes I do want to tell my fundamentalist family/friends to put down those Bibles and start living as the Spirit guides them. But in reality, I don't know how many people actually have the Holy Spirit inside them.
This is an amazing place full of generous caring people with opinions and problems in their own right. I'm glad you found this website and it helps you. It's helped me tremendously which in turn, helps my mother. Win win.
Over here we get ourselves into endless tangles with local town councils trying to be "inclusive" and banning the word Christmas from festive decorations and the like. Then the national press gets hold of the story, they send a journalist round to interview the local Sikhs or Muslims or Jains or whoever, and we usually find that these supposedly "offended" minority community members just bought a Christmas tree for their front garden and have no idea what all the fuss is about.
Speaking of pointless nitpicking, there's a letter to the Editor in today's paper complaining bitterly that in the tv adaptation of Wolf Hall Anne Boleyn wanders past a wisteria in full bloom whereas of course, "as any fool knows," wisteria wasn't introduced to the UK until the 19th century, more than 400 years later. If the BBC had spent even more thousands uprooting every anachronistic plant from the outdoor scenes they'd never have got the series made at all and other people would be writing in to complain about the lack of original drama. There's just no pleasing everyone.
I think society as a whole are going overboard when they want everything that is Religious or the word "God" deleted. I am of a religion that is very strict. No pledge of allegiances, no group prayers with other religion, etc.... When it comes to blessing the table, I excuse myself. Or I just sit there quietly and not participate. Standing up to say the national anthem, I quietly slip away until it's over. I give the young teenager who fought against those atheists in her school who are trying to get "One nation under God" out of the Pledge of Allegiance. I love what she said, "They have the right to remain silent (as in not say the pledge) but they do not have the right to silence others." What's irritating is that in New Jersey it is NOT mandatory that schoolchildren say the pledge. It's an Option.
I have a dear friend, whom I love very much in almost every way, except that he is a militant atheist to the extent that he invariably refers (not nastily, but) to "the Christian myth." It makes me twitch. I've known him long enough to realise that he really, really doesn't believe in God - he needn't fear that someone might think he's mellowing in his old age if he doesn't point it out every bloody time.
When the French, on similar grounds, banned the hijab in state schools my mother wrote to the Times Educational Supplement giving her views on Muslim girls' uniform requirements. Her letter opened: "The French, as so often, go too far…" - I'm afraid to say it got published.
She was upset because someone put a sign in a public building which said,
In God We Trust. I would be glad to receive all her coins that has that written on it. Any comment on that?
Pam, my O2 tend to run low, especially when I'm not sitting and breathing right. I don't know why I do it. Sometimes I have to make myself do belly breathing to bring it up to normal. Could you do that with your husband if his O2 gets low? I am wondering, like you did, if it might have been the meds suppressing his breathing.
Yes, I do get it, just to be upfront. No, it's not one defining moment that makes caretakers go batty... it's the whole conglomeration of it.
Again, I have zero to do with your email bombardments. This is something you should take up with the moderators or site owners.
Sorry hobbesmom, but you don't get it.