I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
My whine today - I got up for the usual middle of the night task and stepped on a furball with my bare feet. Yuck, yuck, yuck! Rocky seems to change her preferred place for upchucking and my bedroom rugs are it right now. 😝
Look, I am grateful to have learned from my mom (not someone I had a great relationship with) how to say "this is beyond my skills."
At the end of my dad's journey with leukemia and the resulting kidney failure , she stoutly stood up to both him and the hospital discharge folks and said "I cannot care for him at home unless he gets stronger."
Even when you love someone, you need to know the limits of your skills.
I, like Need, think you are one of the most valuable people on this Forum, always the voice of reason, always kind and patient, always spot on. I trust you to use that with Hubby, too, and sounds like you did. No anger, no argument, just QUESTIONS, which is the way to go, and making him work through it in his mind. He KNOWS only about one half of what you are/what you did, because there is an amnesia that goes along with ICU. Just look it up. It's a REAL THING. Amnesia and ICU will get you tons of info. Let alone that fact, he had such a low blood count half the time that the O2 going to his head was not worth much, gaga or not. He wasn't clear headed. And had he been he would have looked over at you in all that chaos and said "Hey, Barb, you ARE taking your blood pressure meds, aren't you???"
Glad you made him work it out for himself, and listen to you.
You are one great private duty nurse, registered or NOT!
I bet traveling to a beautiful, far away place would be delightful just about now.
I think you got your point across to your DH very well!
I told him that he needed these services from VNS and that he was not going to minimize his needs. Because that would result in ME doing more. And I am SO in over my head and above my pay grade.
He seemed to think that he was completely independent.
So I said, so if I leave on a plane for Bermuda tomorrow, that'll be fine? (And man, am so ready to do that..)
He paused. And said no. So I asked him-- are you diabetic? He hedged.
Bermuda
Yes, he is diabetic.
Have you had 2 strokes?
Well, I'm not (makes gesture indicating someone who is gaga).
I waited. Yes, the MRIs show that I've had strokes.
Me: so, you are going to talk about the fact that you're not ready to walk two blocks to PT yet?
Yes
We've gotten to a good place here.
You are one of the best examples of advocacy on this forum.
You evaluate the situation and then proceed with finding the proper resources regarding workable solutions.
I have complete faith that you will oversee these transitioning times and encourage your husband to do whatever is necessary for him to regain his strength.
Wishing you and hubby all the best!
He can walk well indoor and in our quiet parking lot, but the quality of his gait is still quite stiff and guarded. It doesn't appear that walking on NYC sidewalks is where he should be just yet
Thanks, I have Mardi Gras fever this time of year!
As we say here in New Orleans, “Let the good times roll! (Laisess la bon temps rouler)
Go glad things are going as well as can be expected.
Rest up. Continue to throw money at those problems when you can. It's a good use of it.
Should be nice for Mardi Gras Day (Fat Tuesday.)
Barb - you both are dealing with this very well!!!
6 units of blood later and 5 nights in the ICU, the guys gets up and walks two city blocks. So, no in-patient rehab.
He's home, will go to our patient PT once he can walk the 2 blocks there himself.
We are both knackered right now. And of course, the other grandparents are out of state right now dealing with another family member who had a medical emergency.
I saw my daughter whose child needs schlepping to activities during the week briefly on Sunday evening. I handed her $100 and said "this is the money I'm throwing at this problem, tell me if more is needed". She was able to manage getting gdtr to dance on Monday and will do the Hebrew School run tomorrow. I took my gdtr to art today and then for pizza
She asked good questions. Wanted to know how her GPA was feeling. Told me that she was afraid he was going to die. Didn't understand how you could bleed on the inside.
I'm grateful that my children are so transparent with their kids about this stuff.
Ali, learning to deal with team members who don't cooperate is one of the great lessons of grad school. Go and talk to your instructor, not to tattle, but to learn how to manage this sort of thing.
That is interesting . I never made that connection. But it’s true , in group projects in school there were always those who did and those who let the others do . Similar to what many of us experience in caregiving .
I hope it gets better for you .
It was TERRIBLE. I tried early on to organize my group of 5. I did the entire assignment myself because others were lazy, unavailable, and inept. Sigh.
It triggered some memories of caregiving. It's as if when we are the one who shows initiative, and others don't want to do the work, then they stay unavailable... and they know you'll do the job.
Weaponized incompetence. Something like that.
I was furious at times. I have to get over it quickly because I'm working on the most demanding and complex final paper/project I've ever had to do.
I can do this. Deep breaths. Keep moving forward, keep putting in the work.
So glad of your husband's great fortitude in all of this, but so glad that you are the "standing patient" there for him.
So happy for you and hubby! He’s improving.
Good news !!
I am beyond humbled at the resilience and strength of this guy.