Follow
Share
Read More
Find Care & Housing
Jude, praying that all goes smoothly for your Mom..praying for peaceful contentment for you. . :)

Cmagnum...agreed...as soon as Mama started having issues i told my brother he needed to stop jumping off her car. ..she definitely did not need to be driving abs we probably should have stopped it sooner. .we were very lucky as she was notorious for giving money to whoever approached her in the grocery store parking lot. .it could just as easily been someone who hit her in the head and robed her or worse. My getting what she needed was worth knowing she would not be on the road again. ..
(2)
Report

My whine is a concern for seniors who get in their car, drive away and no one can find them. Last night on an interstate in Virginia I saw a senior alert for someone driving a gray Toyota with a certain license plate number. This 71 year old man has been missing for days. I realize it is a battle to do, but many of our parents don't need to be driving anymore for their safety and the safety of others.
(2)
Report

Cataract surgery was a breeze. You might have some quiet time as I had a mild sedative and took a nap once we got home. The drops may be a challenge as I had three different one and one was for 30 days.
Something a bit new as dads AL is having bonfire night at 6:30. Hoping rain holds off. I will be able to see how dad is later in the evening if his confusion is better or worse.
(2)
Report

Jude, I hope the cataract surgery goes well and that you can get some sleep!
I didn't sleep much last night. Mom yelled about an ugly face in the room at 9pm after falling asleep at 7pm. I reasured her all was ok and that mine was the only ugly face here. She seemed to feel calmer after that. Then at 3 am she began yelling and asking where she was...again I had to go in and calm her down and left a low wattage light burning. All was quiet after that.

I totally understand about people running away when you are in caregiver mode. I am filing away who did that, and will make myself scarce someday from their lives if they start calling once Mom is gone .Fair weather friends. How creepy they are! (Now I sound like Wally Cleaver).
(4)
Report

Good luck Jude, if it is any comfort 50 years ago it was 10 days in bed with the eyes bandaged lying flat on your back in the hospital needing to be fed. You won't even need a book she will be back in recovery in about 20 minutes before you even have time to finish your coffee yelling obscenities at you. They might have to sedate her quite a lot if she is unco-operative. here i am trying to reassure myself as they are in my future and the idea of someone sticking needles in my eyes freaks me out.
(3)
Report

Oh yikes Jude, hope it goes smoothly. How many weeks of eye drops is it afterwards..? Groan. But worth it. Don't forget to take a good book!
(1)
Report

Glad I wasnt here spam and trolls are my bete noir oh and me mother! She is having surgery for a cataract today. I have had zip sleep she has been worrying all night about something that is going on and couldnt remember what then I told her to stop the fret of not remembering now she set on worrying about the surgery. I told her how siomple the op was ....'what would you know' Well mum seeing as I have had both done probably quite a lot..,...'ah yes but youre not 92 are you?' FFS mother this is a routine op they do hundreds every week. 'not on 92 year olds they don't' OK I GIVE IN |YOU ARE DIFFERENT AND MORE SPECIAL THAN ANYONE ELSE ON GODS EARTH....'and that's why Im worried' OK let me find a garage to scream in and yes I know I shouldn't have been rude but I am not going to feel guilty at getting angry with her dementia and while I didn't shout or yell my CAPITALS reflect assertive sarcasm!
(0)
Report

I've seen a lot tonight too., glad..:
(1)
Report

Why cannot AC have a quarantine function to get rid of all the spam that is posted? Tonight really did it for me!
(3)
Report

And thats just it sometimes Hope. People don't know. When I was taking care of my Mom there were times when I thought of asking for help and didn't cause I thought they would think I couldn't handle things. My family has always treated me like I don't know how to do anything and so I felt like I'd better just woman up and do it.

So in some ways I have only myself to blame for having to do it all but at the same time when you know your Mother is elderly you should assume that she might need help and offer to right? and thats what I could not understand with my family.

I resented the fact that when my Mom was dying in hospital my sister was camping out by my Mom's bedside like the dutiful daughter (that she wasn't)

Ah don't get me started.....
(1)
Report

It is indeed about priorities. ..and we have ours in order i think. I did have a glimmer of reassurance today from a younger cousin whom I did not think really knew my situation but he asked how Mama and i were doing and i told him the usual and commented about our ages because he was trying to figure out if he was the oldest great grandchild in the family. I told him that i was 56 but still thought like i did when i was in my 20's, but felt like i was in my 90's. He immediately said he did not know how i was doing what i was doing alone and he understood how hard it was. He also told me to call him if i ever needed him or his wife. I can't tell you how much that meant to me. ..why do others not get how much those kinds of phone chats mean. .it's not about helping me do stuff anymore. .it's just knowing we have not been forgotten. .meant an awful lot to hear it
(2)
Report

Hope thx for the hug. Honestly the people on this site have been there for me more than my brothers and sisters.

Yeah they are busy but they make time to get their teeth whitened and to get their hair done etc. etc. so whats more important. Its all about priorities isn't it?

You will handle that time well cause it takes tons of strength to care for an aging loved one and you are doing that. We are the strong ones.
(2)
Report

I just don't know how i am going to handle that time. I am guessing my situation may be similar to yours. What i seem to notice is when folks have been out of circulation for a while, people seem to pretty much write them off.how very sad. Right now, the way i feel, i already know how horribly sad i am going to be. .and I'm pretty sure im not going to want any of the show ponies around with all their fake words of concern. ..they werent here for her when it mattered. ..she isn't going to care one iota when she's gone. ...and neither am i...at that time they will all be dead to me. .too little too late
(0)
Report

Hope I know where you are coming from. I think from what I've read on this site that its very common for one sibling to do it all. I guess its a case of why do I need to do anything when I know its already being done. That doesn't make it right but for me personally I couldn't live with myself if I was that way.

No casseroles were brought when my Mom died. In fact after a couple of days it seems like everyone went on with their lives. Easy for them since thats what they did when my Mom was alive.
(1)
Report

I am so veer thankful for our hospice folks. ..all of them. They feel more like family than my family
(0)
Report

CM...you'd think by now i would get the idea that its pretty normal to be feeling tired, aggravated, etc...and don't get me wrong, i love Mama with all my heart. .but the confinement and feeling abandoned by everyone is just so hurtful. I keep thinking i should have long since been over that but it sneaks back in and bites me in the fanny. I guess it's just still such disbelief that the siblings Mama and Daddy were so good to would just abandon her. ..and yet knowing when the time comes everybody will be here with their casseroles and condolences. ..i am fearful of what i may do with those casseroles. I often think how disappointed in all of them my sweet Daddy would be. .butt then i remember i am doing this because i love them and respect them so much.
(1)
Report

Hope, the tiredness seeps into your bones: it's the night after night of interrupted sleep and never being properly, deeply rested. I remember once coming to having fallen asleep while I was actually giving my mother her hot bedtime drink - it was the look of mild surprise on her face, over the straw that she still had clamped in her mouth, that got to me. And yes you are definitely long overdue a break.
(1)
Report

Moving...not mooching...aaarg
(1)
Report

I am ashamed to say this but i think i must just be lazy. I am already exhausted by 10:00am each day even though i get up with a nice list of projects it seems once i get mama settled i am just ready to take a nap myself. Yesterday i used the hoist to put her in the geri chair for a bit and there her bed was with those soft clean cool sheets and that lovely music playing. I thought. .i think I'll just relax one minute. ..bad move. ...if i stop mooching for over 10 seconds i feel like I'm a goner. I have never been a lazy person. .i am usually the one who is still going long after others have quit. Boy had that changed. Mama spends the day grinding her teeth and it goes right through my head. I have to say that while i feel guilty i am about ready to take me a respite break. I have not done it since last august and i think it is past time
(1)
Report

Can you even get into a truck FF? Do you think if you stood by the door long enough SO would just forget and drive off?

CM did you just laugh and tell ex SO "Now you know how I feel tonight"
Why didn't he just call the cable company. That's probably what he will have to do anyway. Poor baby he will have to suffer probably not in silence if he is anything like my hubby. Does he have any heavy duty pain meds left from his surgery
(1)
Report

Since I can't drive due to a broken right shoulder [serious pain] sig other needs to drive me... its been over three weeks, so he should know by now I am limited on what I can do as I am right handed ...

why on earth do I need to tell him just about every time I need help in opening and closing the passenger side door of the truck? He just heads to the driver side, gets in and starts the vehicle with me standing outside.... [sigh].... believe me, if I could open the door myself I would if I felt I wouldn't fall out trying to close the door :P.
(1)
Report

I was looking for an email in my husband's emails and found a Parkinson's joke from someone who's been wonderful with him. I'll admit to be a bit sensitive on this, but still am dumbfounded that people think it's ok to pass on jokes about things like AD and PD.
(2)
Report

We don't often know why things work out the way they do, but I believe there is a reason God wants us here until she is ready to take us....it may not be apparent for years to come why we are here, but we must be needed for something or someone someday. In the meantime...we can take it one day at a time and just keep doing the best we can with what we are given.
Not a whine today but I am just thrilled with the fantastic nurse and health aide that hospice has sent us. I am so grateful to have found these wonderful people.
(4)
Report

Gershun, I'm so sorry. Yes, i think all we can do is move on and believe that what we did or are doing made a positive difference for our parents. What you said, about wishing you could go first. .i have said that many many times times. My Mama is still here physically but often it hits me that she will never be the way she used to be and that is killing me. I in some ways already gone anyway. My life now is nothing like what it was four short years ago. Time passes way too fast doesn't it. Hugs to you. .i do understand. Truly
(3)
Report

hope I wonder sometimes how I will go on without my Mom. But what is the alternative?

You know this might sound pathetic but I know you are all non-judgemental people so here goes. When my Dad died when I was a little girl I took it real hard and ever since then I prayed every night that I would die before my Mom did. Well here I am and my Mom is gone so God obviously has other plans for me.

I guess what I am getting at is we are all doing our part to make our Moms and Dad's life easier in their final days and maybe that was God's purpose for my life. I don't know. But whatever his reasons are for not answering my prayer I guess I'll have to trust that and move on.
(1)
Report

Downhill, not rittenhouse..good grief...stinking auto correct..ugh
(1)
Report

Jeanette, dear one, my heart just breaks for you. And as I mentioned in my pm to you. .I think you have to just take it one step at a time. ..one day at a time seems too much I think right now. Mama is on a Rittenhouse turn. ..again. ..what I have seen a few mention here, and what I am working on, as hard as it sounds to say it, is going ahead and writing the obit now, while I am able to think a little bit. I know if I wait I will forget important things I want said. ..if I said all id like to say to some folks thru could not pit it in the paper.

I'm sitting out on the deck because it seems the only place I can breathe. It's also the only place I feel normal. It is so confusing. ..this all stuff. ..I want her here, but she looks so sad. .most of the time. I try not to make her feel like I must have her stay because she has been such a fine and dignified lady. .butt how do you go on without them.
(0)
Report

My laptop but the dust a few weeks ago and I can't seem to figure this new phone out. I'm not sure im in the forum I'm trying to post in but just peeping in from the deck from which I feel like throwing myself over head first. I can't seen to see others posts so I hope yall are doing well. I think my mind is gone. ..totally gone
(1)
Report

CM, beanie babies? Children's hospital or give to police for children in trauma. They have teddy drives here for kids in accidents etc. most of them have no real value...since the sibs didn't take or WAIT a care box for absent brother?
(1)
Report

You are all such a wonderful source of support and comfort after a long day. Sometimes I'm too exhausted to write, but when I read what you share I stop feeling so sorry for myself. I got that Alzheimers diagnosis for mother that I so wanted and the Dr told her directly that she is not to drive. She took took the news very well and even told the Dr she doesn't really like driving. I was elated!!! Well... no sooner than we left and got in the car, she said with great word finding difficulty, "My memory is Is the same as everyone and I don't drive very far." I felt frustrated and angry, but said nothing. It took all my courage to steal her keys. She was frantically trying to find them when we arrived home at her front door. She even fell down racing around to look for the keys. Fortunately, she wasn't hurt. I felt terrible! The next morning she called me on the phone and had no memory at all of the Dr visit. When I repeated his instructions to her, she said she must not have been there. This experience exhausted me and even made me depressed. Dad isn't much better, so now I have both of them. The future is scary. I got some rest and exercise and feel better today.
(0)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter