My "whine moment today." What's yours?

Susan I had the same experience once. I spent the night tearing my bed apart looking for it. Didn't sleep a wink. Isn't it funny how a little bug can strike such fear into our hearts. Hope you caught it and get some sleep!

I'm a therapist's nightmare. A voracious reader with just enough medical knowledge to make me dangerous. LOL

Whine for tonight: got settled into bed and suddenly felt something CRAWLING on my leg. Of course, I went flying out of the bed and ripped the bed apart looking
for whatever it was. I looked down just in time to see something vaguely beetle-ish scuttle under the bed. That was the last I saw of it. Now I'm feeaked out that its going to end up in bed with me. We don't have any sort of bug problems in the house, so whatever it is came in from outside....it darn well better make a hasty exit, too.

I am not there yet, but our hospice has told me they will be here after if i need them. Now i don't know if either of you would want them there. ..i doubt i will. ..i am almost afraid that immediately afterwards i am liable to scream at all of them and tell them where to go. ..and yet i know i can't do there either. But who knows. ..i just know that once all the stuff is gone i will just donate any unused items to a care facility where i know some folks are always needing stuff. ..it is going to be so empty here. I already know that. The magnitude with which it will hit i do not yet know. Sometimes i think knowing she is not trapped any longer in an ailing body may help me let go. .them again Mama has always been such an incredibly huge part of my life i feel like i can't breath when i think of it. ..for now i just carry on. I'm afraid Mama is getting a uti....i hope not. ..i feel worn down to a nub. My aunt told me today she expected Mama would live at least as long as my grandma. ..i don't know. .i know her side of the family does have long lifespan. ..can't bear to see her lime she is right now. ..can't bear to let her go. .life is often so cruel...just hanging on

Well Jeanette if you need mental help then I guess we all do cause it seems to me from what I've read on this site we have all been doing it on our own.
Taking care of our parents and grieving when the time comes.

I personally don't want to pad some overly paid quack's wallet so he or she can tell me stuff that I already know. In fact we could probably teach them a few things.

No worries hope, once your mama passes and hospice ends, they swoop in here,gathering all their belongings,aside from that lovely pad that goes on the hospital bed.... Your house will look too empty. I have a lot of extra stuff, some not been opened? Honestly I thought they would at least retrieve unopened supplies, guess not cus.. Hospice disappeared like the bad nightmare it was. How can I blame them? I can't. They were wonderful to both of us under their tenure. POOF! gone.....stupid me for thinking stupid stuff. Must be awfully hard dealing with the dying and the nut job of a caretaker in so many cases throughout the week.

Gershun, I am as naive as you.... and if I do not die from a massive heart attack well, .... I do honestly understand the selfish in people a lot more, plus I understand the caring and giving in others.

Oh, went to my doc today.... you know I started a weight loss thing a few months ago, yay me, lost 15 lbs in 2 months. Yay me, she said I needed "mental health". or a therapist. Why? Both my parent's died in my arms, no family support, no support team or a way to decompress my grief? I know what I need, but that only happens in sci fi movies :)

I am finally at a place where i mostly just try to do what I'm here to do, make sure Mama knows how loved she is and nit day much of anything to anyone. Every time i open my mouth it seems i get blasted about his selfish i am or told to stop feeling sorry for myself. ..the first few times turned into practically a throw down so now it just all seems so route because it dawns on me they say this stuff because they KNOW they ought to be doing more. .i just don't care anymore. .Mama and i make it just fine.

Today when my aunt got here asked where the other one was and was told. ..oh, she called and said they were coming too and then (the husband) said he just happened to remember the body shop might call about his brothers truck. ??????????... that's a good one. ..whatever....pfffft to them

Yeah Susan I was quite surprised cause while my Mom was a resident there I always felt like the staff were really warm.

But actually come to think of it the administrative staff were the opposite so that explains that. Its a real kick in the pants though getting a call day after your Mom passes saying get your stuff out of here.

I've learned a lot these past years about what I hope doesn't happen to me when I get older. I pray I die of a massive heart attack instantly so I won't have to linger and get treated like yesterdays garbage one day.

I feel like people are so selfish and uncaring in situations when they should be the opposite.I have always tried to treat people the way I would like to be treated. You know do unto others. I guess I am very naive.

Wow, Gershun. That's a *real* nice nursing home. Sheesh. When my dad passed, he had been in the hospital for almost a month, battling infection after infection (2 of which we KNOW he picked up at the nursing home, and were "gateway infections", weakening his system so other, more serious infections picked up at the hospital took hold). The nursing home held his items for us until we were able to pick them up - no pressure, just when you can, but in the next week or two would be nice. I picked them up within a few days of his passing.

Oh wow, random stuff crammed everywhere here too. On top of Mama s stuff i have my house full of furniture, most of which is in the basement, but all my clothes and no where to put it all. .them there's the medical equipment over which i have tripped so many times i am amazed i have not broken something. .boxes of pants, pads, wipes, creams, buckets, pans, etc etc. ..i try so hard to keep it looming like a normal home but just as i make a little progress there is a new delivery of supplies and here we go again. ..it is depressing for some reason. I'm grateful to have the supplies but kinda forgot how it feels to live in a normal home

So far past tired I can't sleep, been up since 6am now 1am and really wondering how much longer I can keep doing this. Reading everyones posts it always amazes me how much we all share. I feel like my bedroom is just a store room too. Dodging round boxes and piles of paperwork. I got a torch so when I get up to help Mum to the bathroom I don't break my neck falling over something or wake husband up! It's many years since I stayed up to see the dawn (got in late from the "disco") but hopefully Mum will settle and so can I.

Oh my...gershun, isnt that something. ..i never cease to be amazed. ..i worked in a job that put me in a lot of strange, unpredictable, often dangerous situations but until i became a caregiver i never truly realized some of the awful crapola that folks needing aid go through. ..i know there are still some good folks and i do think our hospice team is a good as they come but way too many cold clinical folks too. I ended up enjoying the visit well enough especially since the other one didn't come but i am sooooo sleepy and still loads to do before i rest. .

Well I am trying to get the nursing home to reimburse us the money owed since we had paid through May. Hopefully that won't be a hassle.

I have to laugh though. The day after my Mom died they wanted her room clear or else they said they would put her belongings in storage and charge us $75 a day.
They didn't even send us a condolence card or anything.

I had thought they were real nice, kind people but at the end of the day I guess its still a business. Shew out one old lady and put another one in. Kind of like an assembly line.

My visitors are gone. It went ok...the one who hurt me a few weeks back did not come. ..oh well. :)

Bravo Jude! I L O V E I T !

You can have that room - gee thanks and in one look
I came face to face with my cell not much room for even a book

Of course you have the kitchen too - gee thanks and I stared
8 cupboards sink oven hob fridge freezer washing machine who cares?

And the garden is yours gee thanks and I sat aghast
Overgrown trees and thigh high grass

You have a garage for your car gee thanks and I reeled
Full of mowers and tools and stuff that had spilled

You can put your stuff in the loft gee thanks and I froze
With webs spiders and junk ..not the place I would have chose

I can give you a hand next Tuesday week - and I smiled in shock
Knowing she'd turn up in her best jeans or frock

Mind you you'll be sorted by then - and I looked to the skies
I had to or Id have hit her straight 'tween the eyes

So I am now less than or perhaps Im not at all
I used to be someone - a lass who stood tall
But you've shown me my place and handed me my lot
But don't ever think that I am a total idiot

I will survive I will trust me in that
She will be safe you can bet your hat on that
But there will come a time when I want my space
And when that time comes you wont be welcome in my place.

For now is when I need you to stand by my side
To support me even if you dont like what I decide
But you couldnt do that could you so go...leave me alone
If I need you I'll call you but dont wait for the ring of the phone

Jeanette, that's not weirdness, that's totally normal. I can't tell you how many times I thought, "I need to ask Dad about....." and it was always something to do with the house. How to fix this or that. Where is the paperwork for this appliance or that repair that was done years ago so I can figure out how long since it was serviced or replaced. Where is this or that tool in that black hole he called a garage.

I still do it from time to time. As much paperwork as he kept and as much as he wrote *everything* down, I'm still missing a large amount of much-needed info.

johnboy, it is hard to watch them slip further and further away from us. Maybe it helps us get ready to let them go. Tell us a bit more about yourself and your loved one. It sounds like her journey on earth is coming to a close. My thoughts are with you.

Weirdness going on now..... for several days and several times a day, without warning, a though pops into my head "Wow, it's been awhile since I've heard from mom n dad maybe I should call"? scared me the first time I had this thought but it has happened several times now.

My mom used to love sparkly things and crafting them. Hanging on the back porch are several ornaments made of glass. In the early evening when things are starting to cool down you can see hundreds of 1 inch square light reflection dancing throughout the yard, they are everywhere.... makes my heart warm feeling that it's her coming for a visit. You see, they've been here but up until a week ago I simply didn't notice them like I do now.

Oh, Susan. You are living the same life as me. Single bed in a cluttered room with no closet, only wooden wardrobes that take up a big chunk of the room. And three bookcases -- one with my mother's books, one with my inventory, and one with my books. Then there is this big red stacked tool chest that was put in here because the tools might rust outside. The dresser has the only drawers I can use and it holds most of my life. I feel like I am living out of a suitcase... but at least I have my own bedroom. The washer and dryer are on the enclosed back porch outside my window. They wouldn't fit in here, thank goodness.

I do have a new whine. I hate cleaning my mother's bathroom. I have to do that again today. There is the walk-in shower with shower chair. Then there's the safety frame around the toilet. I have to move this to do that and move that to do this. It's a tiny bathroom, so you have to squunch up to get things clean. And all the tile and plumbing is old, so it never feels clean. And I never can figure out why there is so much mildew and why the paint is peeling off. Ooooh, I hate cleaning her bathroom. (In fact, I hate cleaning the house because it is so cluttered and never feels clean, no matter what.)

"Isn't it funny how people think if you've got your own bedroom you're fine?"

CM, truer words were never spoken.

All my worldly possessions with the exception of my bed, about 20 books, my computer desk and computer and a few kitchen gadgets are in storage.
But I have my own bedroom.
I slept on a 40-year-old mattress for over 2 years before splurging and buying myself a new bed.
But I have my own bedroom.
I share said bedroom with a washer and dryer which were put where the closet in the room used to be - so I have no closet.
But I have my own bedroom.
I can't close the door at night for fear Mom will fall and I won't hear her call out. So I deal with the noise of the tv when she gets up at night and her shuffling and banging her way to the bathroom - which wakes me.
But I have my own bedroom.
When I bought my new bed, I downsized from a full to a twin to make more space in my bedroom/laundry room - so now I feel like a child in a wee little bed.
But I have my own bedroom.
I stare at the titty pink walls at night, hating the color but not having time to paint them.
But I have my own bedroom.

Right? lol

Jude, when I was looking for bungalows I was aiming for one with a dormer bedroom - I know they kind of wreck the point of bungalows, but I wanted that separation of a staircase. Mind you, they're like hens' teeth and twice as expensive, though I suppose you could possibly think about getting a loft conversion put it..???

Isn't it funny how people think if you've got your own bedroom you're fine? Presumably it's because at least then you can sit behind a closed door and gibber. I used to go around thinking "what am I, the help?" - I didn't know it was possible to get lower than an au pair in the domestic hierarchy.

My darling wants to go home to.be with her dad at lease three times a week,whine me? Been taking care of my dear now for seven years now,lord help me keep my sanity whining me

I agree Jude...there is no doubt in my mind that Mama knows so many things and in fact most things around her but she struggles to get them out. I think the old "s" word is a show of frustration when she wants to try to say something but can't find the words. .she finds that one daddy enough. .bless her heart. .never used those words in her life and we got spanked if we did bit that one she can get out when she is, i think trying to say she has just had it. I Copley believe Mama knows so much more than people think and that is one reason their neglect in visiting her through these years has upset me so. She knows. ..i know she knows

On that thought Hope does anyone actually KNOW whether people with dementia ARE unable to recall what they know or whether the links are just broken and it is all in there but while they know they cant get it to come out in any sensible format? I do worry about that a lot. You see sometimes I can see Mum really does know what she wants to say but the words wont come. And that isn't memory that's something else surely? I'm not asking this very well but sometimes I think the professionals are just guessing

On a funny note...i was fixing Mamas hair and told her her sisters were coming to see her. Keep in mind she is this petite veer lady like southern lady...anyway i told her and she kind of nodded her head and then she said " S##t....get outta my house"......i almost peed my pants laughing. She was laughing too. Sometimes i really think she's a LOT more aware of what is going on than they want to believe....truly..i think they don't think she knows any better now and they have no desire to see me. But knowing Mama as only i know her, im betting even in her current state, she senses these turkeys have not lifted a hand to do one thing and she is not pleased. Its ok Mama...i am here..and i will never leave you.

Haha...sure, once he finishes here ill send him on up. ...i think you may be right. I've had a few hints tossed my way about this one not knowing what they will do, blah blah blech...i will just toss out what had been thrown at me. .i hate it for you. No matter what my brother has done i guess i would always help him. .but the rest of them i would not pee on them if they were on fire after the way they have disrespected me. They don't have a clue how feed up i am. ..and on to their mess. They all know i have always had a forgiving heart. ..and i do. ..but forgiving does not mean lying down and letting them walk on you again. Ive tried to be a decent human all my life. ..i am not seeing what good it has ever done me. ..well i can lay down at night and know i have not intentionally tried to hurt someone or try to take anything from someone else. .i am posting way too much but i need to get it out of my system. As a little girl it was always my Mama, who lived a ways off, who would take my brother and i too grandma's and she would clean her house and my brother and i tended the yards. ..mind you there were other siblings living less than 5 miles away who could have done it but they were about their lives, having a blast. .asses...

car, not care:) darn autocorrect.

Hope, sorry about the tacky aunts. Based on my own experience, they are probably trying in their narcissistic way to keep the door open with you. The aunts figure that you will keep letting the seagulls keep dumping on you and that you will be there long term to help take care of them (promise, they didn't raise kids that will care for them:) Keep venting and remember that your loyalty is to your Mama, not to the rest of the family. Folks do not understand when you break the chains of abuse. Good that you get it set up now, the brother will be pressing you when your Mama passes (my brother informed my sister and me the SAME evening of my mother's passing that he was taking her care - no discussion, just Mom would have wanted it). Grrr. My sister the executor informed him that the fair market value would be charged to his share of the estate:) choke, choke.
Hugs to you and can I borrow your gorilla when you are done for my FIL and MIL?

Ah, is morning. ..time to get ready for the visit from the aunts...i meant suck it up to keep from hurting peoples feelings but once again, here to auto correct. Maybe i will have time to run my laptop over to the computer centre after they leave but usually i am exhausted after hearing about how bad they feel, how they would come more but they're too busy enjoying life etc. BS. I just let them yammer on and pretend there's a big gorilla behind them about to beat the crap out of em. Or maybe some other scenario that gives me a private chuckle as they go on and on and take two hours to tell about a 10 minute doctors appt. But after all, isn't that part of the job of being a caregiver?? So we can be here, held captive, to bounce stories of their aches and pains and grand vacations. ..be so glad when their visit is over. I used to look forward to this pair coming but after my aunt broke my heart could care less if they come at all. These are the same two who told me over and over that i needed to put Mama in a NH..saying they would understand. First. .it wasn't their damn business, second i don't care whether they understand anything or not. I have lost all respect for these two bozos after all my parents did for not only them but the whole damn family. I am glad they have their huge support network because this is one chickee who won't be there for them

Jude, you cracking me up. Thanks i needed that. Gershun you're so right. We teach folks how to treat us and all my life i have had to sick it up to Krupp from hurting dolls feelings but since we're playing this new game then I'll just let the poo fall where it may. I have been in a catatonic state today. ..so going to see if i can catch some zzzzs..or else I'm liable to hurt someone tomorrow