Follow
Share
Read More
Assandache, you are right - there is a lot of Sundowners info out there - and I have not really pushed for any anti depressants as yet. The one that has always worked has been raised in price - $400 for 60 pills which is only two months. Insurance pays all but $95, but it used to be around $20. Almost every Rx/drug causes diarrhea for him - just looking at him cross-eyed would probably cause that, so we have to be cautious with drugs. I do have him on one herbal that works a bit - I even take it, but not sure if doubling it would do much more for him..

I found ten strategies listed on line that sound doable, so I have copied them and will review daily for advice for my actions, etc. You guys are sooo helpful..Thanks much! And thanks, Jeanette for posing the question.. Hugs to you and everyone else. I feel love for you all. Blessings, L
(4)
Report

Amazing how most are going through the exact same things dealing with their dementia loved one. Just when you feel all alone and no one would ever believe what you're going through, BAM - You read these posts and it's like, ditto...ditto ditto, yup yup that's my mom... uh huh, she's always cold, yup I get yelled at when she feels I demeaned her ... nodding my head, uh huh, it's all about her and everyone else is going to be fine so she dismisses others problems...food food food... worse than a picky child.

I suppose things in life could be worse - but knowing she's my mother, all the fond memories - and her not knowing any of those or that I'm her daughter - well, the ache it leaves inside cannot be expressed in words. Just the whining of what it all entails can :)... there just can't be a quota on whining while dealing with this.

Happy Sunday!

I hope this doesn't sound selfish of me but reading all of your "whines" made me feel better. I gave up whining to my friends and family since they just don't get it.

Gonna be in the 80's next week. Guess I need to invest in my own personal portable a/c unit or a kiddie pool from wal-mart!
(22)
Report

Can I have another whine? It's late spring and warm outside. Stop turning on the heater, Mom.
(12)
Report

Lois that's 3 o'clock bewitching time. Medically speaking it's Sundowner's. There is medication for it or research it and find holistic approaches...
(3)
Report

Since we have been living together for 70 years his phoning me is not a problem. LOL If so, your solution would work fine. He usually begins by scrutinizing my list of callers for 'his wife's' phone number so she can come to get him. Since that did not work, he still puts on his glasses and approaches me with his new worry. I check the clock - 3:00 - and think, "Oh, oh, what will it be this time?" I wish it would seem funny as it did the first time or two, but, golly, it is nerve wracking and usually ends with both of us angry and having a bad night..
(4)
Report

Lois 3 p.m. seems to be a triggering time. I'd get tantrum phone calls from my mother anywhere between 3 and 5 every day which were making me ill until I had a blackout due to stress and changed my phone number.
(27)
Report

My hubby will eat whatever I put in front of him without any complaints. I even feel the need to apologize for some of the leftovers, etc. So that's not a whiny problem for me. It's that every day he wants to die, says I am not his real wife and dreams up some far-fetched thing to be worried about. That seems to come on him at about 3:00 PM every day. Oh, and also, he spends most of every night in his LaZy Boy chair all bent over and is not ever cold, but in bed with electric mattress pad and blanket, he is freezing, while I am roasting, though my side is not heated - the room is at 76 degrees which is warm for sleeping.. That's about it for now, until the next dementic (I know - not really a word.) imagination. The latest being that he has just quit working and needs to go into the Bank (employer until 26 years ago) files downstairs which he cannot manage, so I must drive him around to the lower level today where he can just walk in...Grrr... There is no reasoning with him and every day it's something different I live in dreadful expectation. whine, whine...
(20)
Report

My mother is now in a NH, it's just me and my dogs and I'm taking back my life, so I have no whine but I can certainly relate to the cooking nightmare. My mother is a vegetarian and in the years after my father passed she lived on frozen heat and eat meals (yukk). She hated cooking and every time I visited for a weekend or at Christmas I'd have to cook everything and haul it 200 miles to her house.

During the years I cared for her I'd spend hours cooking and often she'd just turn her nose up (for a narcissist nothing is ever quite good enough) and it drove me batty.

These days I cook from scratch in bulk - meat, shepherd's pie, spaghetti sauce and quiche - and freeze in portions. Just got to get something to go with whatever and you're done. Frees up so much time.
(20)
Report

I too have done a lot of whining this week..But darn it! This care giving drives us to it..Between my Mom whining about my daughter who had surgery this week getting my attention and my whining about Mom whining, I'm going to have a nervous breakdown!! Jeez....


I agree stew "out", grilled food "in"!
(26)
Report

I've done a lot of whining this week. I think I've used up my quota for the month.

JeanetteB, I thought I'd retire from cooking. Brought a lot of food home from restaurants, bought high-end frozen entrees, etc. Hoped to cook when the mood struck me. That didn't last long as my husband slid into some eating restrictions and while we still went out it was easiest to cook at home.

Now I have two boarders (a son and a daughter) who can eat anything and like to try new things, so cooking is really fun again.

If you feel guilty about lots of fast food, try meals from the deli department and/or the good frozen dinners.
(19)
Report

smaller whine -no hot water this morning so a cool shower
larger whine -having to move mother again -3rd time in less than 5 years. And this will have to be a two or three phase move- get rid of some stuff and store the rest, then some months down the road move mother and what she wants/needs of the stored stuff and get rid of the rest. And I have no assurance from her psych that this will be the last move. I do not want to be moving her again when I am 80!!!
(30)
Report

Hubs went out to do some errands this morning and came back with two packages of stew beef because it was on sale. He thought "we could make a double batch" and give some to his mom to put in her freezer. Fine. Except MIL likes her stew one way and I like mine another, sooo....not so much a "double batch" as two separate ones. And WE won't be making it. I will because "mom likes the way you make it." I love the man, his heart's in the right place, but it drives me crazy when he says "we" and really means me. And stew is a winter dish that takes time to prep.....potatoes and carrots and parsnips to peel...onions and celery to chop.... I'm tired of all that. The snow's all gone and I'm ready for steak tips that I can marinate and pop on the grill with chunks of sweet pepper and onion. Sum-sum-summertime food! Mmmmm.......
So that's what I'm whining about today. Tomorrow I'll be making stew. Two pots.
(54)
Report

My whine moment of the day was a bit sad. My cousin called. He recently went into post-surgical sepsis and was close to death. He was given back to us, but still has a long road to full recovery. We had a 3-way conversation going, but my mother couldn't quit talking about herself. Cousin wanted to talk and I wanted to hear, but we were drown out. When we hung up, I talked about how we had almost lost him. My mother dismissed it, saying it wasn't that bad and that doctors didn't know what they were talking about. It was bothersome to have her trivialize the near death of someone who meant so much to me. No point in discussing it, though. I just "sucked it up." I'm starting to feel like a sponge.

Oh... and I'm tired of cooking, too. I only cook one meal a day, but there's only a few things she'll eat. So dinner is boring and totally uninspired. (I don't like to cook much, anyway.)
(62)
Report

Their tastes do change as they go through this, right? I just hope mine quit wanting sweets when I get to be their age.
(11)
Report

lol,
i got snubbed today. stopped by ednas and she was in the cafeteria playing bingo. pretty low keyed event so i sat with her. about the second time i helped her mark a number she told me if i wanted to play , get some cards. shes doing real well right now and i guess i " demeaned " her in front of her peers.
ya haveta roll with the flow with dementia patients i guess.
jeanette, by dam my mom was a big eater too. shed whack a huge pot of veg soup in about 5 days. id make various bread dishes and her and my kid would go thru them. id bury my head in my ice cream bucket. cooking is more fun than eating.
(28)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter