My mother died in May, so this is not about me anymore. My dear friend's mother was diagnosed about 7 weeks ago with pancreatic cancer (she's 82). She has hospice care and has been asleep/not eating/not drinking for a week. They are giving her morphine and Ativan because without it, she is in terrible pain.
My friend is truly alone - no spouse, no kids, no siblings, no relatives nearby. She lives with her mother in a one-bedroom apt and it is a very dysfunctional situation. They are extremely enmeshed, to say the least.
I'm going out there (from NY to LA) this weekend to be supportive, which I want to be. BUT she wants me to stay there because she is so scared, especially at night, even though there's usually an aide or a nurse there. So I will be sleeping on the couch in the living room. Her mom is dying in the bedroom, my friend is also in the bedroom, and who knows where the aide is. I feel bad, because my friend is the one in hell right now, but I am dreading spending 3 nights on the couch in this extremely upsetting situation. I can't bring myself to tell her I want to stay in a nearby hotel. I'm actually scared to be so close to imminent death of someone I know, plus my friend's intense grief. Plus, I'm 55 and I need sleep.