Yes, he is acting like he can't do anything. I think he's faking it.
Mom has dementia.
Neither one has taken the time out to get any kind of legal paperwork done.
I had an advance directive printed out for my mom and she wouldn't sign it. She said that it sounded like they were saying she was dying.
I have been going around and around in circles with this for the past couple of yrs.
Some Dr. took it upon himself to put incorrect information in my step dad's medical file. This has been causing problems. They put in the file that he has Parkinson's.
He's never been tested or treated for this. No meds have ever been given to him for this condition.
I have taken many prescriptions out of both of their daily regiments. My mom was taking 15 different pills; She didn't know what they were or what she was taking them for. Same with my dad. He was taking around 20 different pills.
He was taking pills for constipation and then turn around and take pills for diarrhea. A couple of blood thinners, a few pills for acid indigestion.
Three different kinds of cream for pain. He was on Ropinirole, Gabapentin, and Abilify.
These three meds made him shake really bad. I don't know how long they have been taking all these meds, but they have effected both my parents.
I really need to get all the legal papers done. I hope there is help for me. There is more to say, later.

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Stopping medication without medical advice is risky.

I think the first thing you need to do is take both of them to a doctor, preferably one who specializes in geriatrics. You are going to need a clear picture of both of their health issues before you can develop a plan for their caregiving, whether that plan is at home care with you or hired aides doing the work, or placement in an appropriate facility.

Then you can start concentrating on whatever paperwork you need going forward, including advanced directives.

Unfortuately, if your mom and step-dad are going to be passive aggressive about their health, and you're not willing to walk away entirely and possibly have them become wards of the state, you're going to have to reverse the roles and become the "parent".

Good luck!

Where are you getting your information about your mother's and your stepfather's health?

I'm stopping short at the idea that some random doctor would decide on a whim to put it on record that your stepfather has Parkinson's Disease. Only a guess, of course, but I think it's far more likely that your stepfather hasn't a clue about his own medical history.

I really hope that you don't mean you withdrew those medications on your own initiative, without consulting the prescriber(s)?


Their situation sounds awful. Some doctors do seem to go over board on the meds.

Can you get a second opinion on their health issues?

I would want all their legal paperwork finished as well. Can you possibly get a social worker or nurse to explain it to them?

I totally understand that you feel they are taking too many pills, I felt the same way when my parents moved in with us. But please, before you just take some away, try another approach. Find another Dr, just one maybe a Dr who specializes in older folks, and have then go over everything! My personal Dr is an elder care Dr, and he took my parents on when they moved here. They had 8 different "specialists" in Lancaster. He looked at everything, and he was able to cut alot of stuff out and refigure things,, it was a blessing He was able to handle all thier specialist stuff except the eye Dr, and now moms cardiologist. This way you don;t miss anything, because I think alot of the specialists dont really pay attention to the others Dr things, although they should. But this did shut down alot of Dr visits and multiple meds for the same stuff!

It sounds like a very stressful situation. You might start with a legal consult with an Elder Law attorney. You can get information on what your options are. If they are not able to sign a DPOA, you may have to pursue guardianship, if they are not competent. I hope you can find some answers.

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