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I was the go-to person who handled all of my parent's affairs. I did the trust, the declaration of homestead, the POA, advance directives, POLST, and did the banking when my mom started to forget. Mom always trusted me to help with the refinancing and upkeep of the family home. Mom's memory issues are getting worse now. My dad passed away in 2018 from congestive heart failure and vascular dementia. My dad and I were very close. He always wanted me to help him with his healthcare, and I tended to him after his surgeries. He did not favor my other siblings because they did their own things. They actively lived their own lives, but dad knew he could always count on me. Over the years I noticed hostility on the part of my siblings, but I pushed it aside. After dad died, I cleaned the house and garage out. I then put in new carpeting and moved my mom into the master bedroom. I was staying there at the time but had my own home two hours away. I needed to get back home and felt good because my parents' home looked good again. I returned to my home but visited and helped my mom at least three times weekly.Unfortunately, the family home was not paid off and my mom likely was worried about it. It had a small loan balance, but her income was sufficient enough to cover it because my mom was very frugal. The next thing I know my younger adult sister and her two children moved in. I was told it was to "help save the family home." The girls were already older and working. My sister worked too. My mom had always taken care of them because my sister could not parent. She worked but could not take the girls to school or cook. So, my mom from the time that they were babies assumed this responsibility. In 2022, the younger sister was diagnosed with Stage IV RCC. I had become estranged from my sister because she would not clean the home, and I felt that she was abusive to my mom. She took my mom belongings and put her in the small room in the back of the house. My sister then took the large master and bath with the sundeck. I was told it was because "she needed the room." She also took over the garage and put her furniture in it because she refused to pay for a storage unit. Her children wouldn't clean either and the house started to look a mess. My mom voiced complaints to me about this frequently. I would then clean when I visited but this made my sister and the girls mad. Eventually it was hard to get rent from them. The agreed $1,000 became $500.00 and even that was really hard to collect. Right now, they pay nothing at all only my mom does.However, when this sister got cancer, I felt so bad for being mad at her. I then assumed all care. I sat through infusions, her doctor appts., and her surgeries. I handled everything for her and still helped my mom. My older sister who lives close by hardly came. Later we found out my sister did not have cancer instead she has eAML which are actually benign tumors that have become necrotic and metastasized. This was confirmed with a biopsy, and she is doing well. There is a chance that she could ultimately get malignancies but two years post op she does not have cancer. Quickly her behaviors and screaming reoccurred. I started to pull away again.Fast forward, I am not allowed to see my mom now. I have been accused of trying to convince her doctor that she is "lacking capacity" and that I am trying to get my younger sister and her adult children kicked out of my parent's home. The trust, POA, medical proxy, POLST, Social Security, and banking have all been taken away from me. The trust I did was replaced with a trust that cost over $5,500 with this writer omitted. The attorney who created the new trust even said my trust was valid. This all happened while I was actively POA. I am no longer allowed to see my mom. I have to call. So, I did and I'm still not allowed to come in. The locks have been changed. I live two hours away and feel so sad and helpless.

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Sunnygirl1,
That’s what lawyers are supposed to do when they change a will & trust for an elder but there are many unscrupulous lawyers out there who just want the $.

My sibling found one who went on his direction on what to do and did not talk to my mom alone. He coerced my mom who had dementia to sign the documents
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Document every single thing & record everything when possible. Your story sounds so similar to mine but I lived across the street from my mom……I did everything for her. I had an argument with my sibling who did nothing & only saw my mom weekly or every other week.

She got dementia & he wouldn’t let myself or my sons see or speak to my mom. She ended up getting Covid & was still blocking me from contact with her in the hospital & nursing home. I contacted Alliance for Better Long Term Care & with their help got to see her before she passed. He even blocked me from her funeral & burial.

I contacted an attorney & found out he had her long term will & trust amended removing myself & my kids entirely & everything gong to himself 100%. He wouldn’t let me see her for 4 years!

Do something now before it’s too late! Hire an attorney who works in elder law. My best wishes to you & your mom.
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You might get a legal consult. Before an attorney drafts new documents to overturn existing POA and Trust, they are required to make pretty dang sure the person is of sound mind and under no undue influence. This is especially true if the person is a senior, frail, dependent on the new people she’s appointing……. I’d explore it to ensure it was proper.
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I'm sorry to hear what happened to you, but your mother would have had to consent to removing you as her POA and changing the terms of her trust. She also had to consent to allowing your sister and her kids to ove into the house too. None of that could have happened without her consenting to it. It's a real shame too because you sound like the only one among the siblings who has their act together well enough to handle things.

Definitely consult with a lawyer about your mother's original Trust and if the other that was done is even legal. A lawyer with a specialty in Estate Planning would be who to talk to. Stay on your mother's doctor too because clearly she is not in her right mind. She would not be frequently voicing her complaints to you and expecting you to do something about them, when she legally removed your authority to do anything about them.

I hope a lawyer and your mother's doctor can be some help in your situation, but if they can't don't blame yourself. You didn't do anything wrong. Your mother made her bed and she can lay in it.
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Swe an elder care attorney for guidance. I'm sorry you're being prevented from seeing your mom.

Best of luck with a difficult situation.
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