I feel so bad because my patience is so short!

thomashreid, in all the past few months I have been on this forum, you Sir, are the only male who has slammed the other writers. Why is that? The rest of the crew here, males included, have polite discussions. We give out suggestions without stepping on each other toes.

There are website forums where writers fight constantly with each other, this isn't one of them.

Therefore, what type of help are you looking for or what do you wish to vent about?

Just a quick note about a previous posters post. What we are going thru had NOT been going on since eternity. Our life-spans have increased dramatically ensuring quantity but not quality of life. My parents never took care of their parents. When they were in their 50's & 60's they traveled the world. Their children were grown and as far as they were concerned their RESPONSIBILITY was over. They were free to live their lives. Since in this generation our parents are living well into their 90's who do you think takes care of them? If they have loving children they do but guess what - at times I get tired and need to vent in a safe place where there are others who know what I am going thru.

Thomashreid, you don't care to indicate in your profile whether you are male or female. I, for one, did not assume one or the other (names being often totally fictitious) . but it is kind of weird for you to be claiming men are not welcome here. I would feel the same way about your approach if you were female.

We often tell each other that our loved ones are not likely to change and that it is us who have to change. And sometimes we discuss the specifics of ways to change. Your opinion is hardly new and revolutionary. Some threads (not "strings") are mostly venting, some are about practical advice, some are sharing personal experiences, some are philosophical ... but hardly any welcome bashing each other.

Unlike you, I'm pretty familiar with this discussion board. I've been a very active participant for several years. Most participants are women. There have been some very active men. I have never seen any gender bias in responses, in either direction. If you think the only possible way we could take exception to what you say (or more specifically how you say it) is because we are against men, I think you are failing to take responsibility for yourself. It couldn't be you ... it must be because you are male. Nonsense!

You say to Gayle, "Seems like you think it's your role on this forum to critique everyone else's advice. It isn't." Actually, these discussions are often very interactive, and anyone can take on the role of agreeing with or disagreeing with or questioning anyone else's post. Please don't tell us what our roles are in the forum until you've at least gotten to know the place a little.

I think you have misread (or failed to read at all) the nature of these discussions. You are mistaking us for a different kind of forum. If this site is not to your taste, I wish you success in finding one better suited to your objectives and style.

I find my patients getting shorter and shorter with my mother. I've been her primary caregiver for four years. I have health issues of my own and receive no help from my siblings. I hate being short tempered because I've never been like that. I'm really trying!

Thomas, what kind of care do you give your parents? How old are they? Do you have siblings who help? Just wondering what your deal is. You seem to say you have patience with your parents, but it's hard to believe by the way you speak to people on this thread.

I also struggle with this, sometimes the situation just gets to me. I try hard not to be short with her, but on the days I have been up half the night and have already changed her clothes a couple times it gets rough.

I lose patience with my mom because she is so passive. I keep having to read into what she is saying to determine what she wants and I have gotten very good at this. For instance, she will not make an appointment to get her haircut. Instead she will complain about her hair until I make one for her.

I think everyone gets this way sooner or later. Not only are we trying to run our lives, but we're trying to run someone else's life. Just today I had to hold back. I'm going away next Monday for a few days of R&R, my mother gets nervous right before i leave. I told her I was running to the store and asked if she needed anything. She got worked up and said " I don't have a list ready. I need stuff for when you're away" I told her I would be going to the store before I go away. She then starts saying what if the electricity goes out while you're away? ( She's on oxygen 24/7) and has a plug in unit. She has back up tanks which will get her numerous hours. My sister lives 40 minutes away and we have a generator at my mom's house. I told her get on the back up oxygen and call your daughter to come here and hook up the generator or call 911 and go to a hospital and they will hook you up. I can't even get excited about going away because I know mom will worry the whole time. God forbid we have a thunderstorm while we're gone!

KiriAnne, that reminds me of my parents, being so passive.... they are so polite, my Dad will say "oh, the next time you are going down Maple Ave, could you stop by the post office and get our mail".... to which I will tell Dad that the ONLY time I go down Maple Ave is to get their mail, I have no other reason to be in that part of town. For some reason Dad thinks I am driving all over town, because that is what he and Mom did when Dad retired and he was still driving.

I have to keep reminding him that after work I hunker down at home, and don't leave the house until the next morning to go to work. He doesn't quite understand that, because my Mom loved to shop and go places... well, that isn't me.

So far, I haven't lost my patience in a radical way w/my mother, but in order to remain civil and calm, I need to kep the phone calls and visits shorter, and fill up the time on my visits with things like errands and appointments. Just sitting and visiting is so draining and stressful. I'm married to someone with ADHD, and grew up in a chaotic home, so I have a pretty high tolerance generally, but the repetitive questions (which I always answer the same way, over and over, and it never makes any difference anyway--she doesn't understand and doesn't remember), and continuous sob stories get to be too much for me.

My patience is gone. I am stuck with this walking carcas and bitter about it. His catheter bag broke and I asked him how often he changes the bag. He now doesn't know.So, I guess I am in charge of that too. He has dysphagia and chokes and spews everything he eats.. Even puréed foods. I hate hate hate watching this and I hate my selfish sister for not giving me a break ... Ever! The woman wants a pat on the back for taking him to get his blood work every two weeks. She is too busy planning her daughter's wedding even though the girl has been shacking up with her boyfriend for years.

annecurrey, wedding can consume a lot of time, it doesn't matter if your sister's daughter was living at home or living with her boyfriend. Eventually the wedding will take place, and your sister will have more free time [maybe].

annecurrey, I feel so bad for you and, that sister ought to be ashamed of herself. I understand how you feel because I have a sister right next door that will not help me with mom. If I make a mistake and ask her to help, you'd think I asked her for her soul. That's ok...believe in what goes around, comes around.

Today I really looked at myself and realized that I am a deep well of patience. The day started out like a normal Sunday with my mother wanting to go to church. The big difference is that last night I hit my head very hard, so woke up with a headache. I told her I would still try to handle the service. So I took an Excedrin, which made my stomach queasy. So I drank some soda to make it feel better and took her to church.

I'm not a Baptist and feel pretty silly popping up and down like a Jack-in-the-Box to sing songs and do things they do in church. But I did it. When it was time to leave, my mother said she was dizzy. I knew her blood pressure was low, so I pulled a Coke from my purse, then gave her some crackers when we got in the car. Then we went out to eat. She sat down while I ordered and brought her the meal.

She usually watches TBN on Sunday, but the network was having trouble. While she was out of the room, I switched over to watch The Big Bang Theory. She came back in and talked about how silly it was. I told her of course, it was silly. It was a sit com. She talked about how silly it was the entire show. What she was doing was harassing me so she could turn back to TBN, which was off the air. I knew that, so just finished watching the show. Then I turned things back over to her. I told her that it wasn't the show, that she just didn't like anyone watching her TV. She said, "Well, it is MY TV. I paid for it with my own money and ought to be able to watch it. If you want to watch TV, then buy your own."

At one time I might have gotten angry. Strange that now I just shrug it off. I really think that we are not short at all on patience. It is just that sometimes the little things that occur all day drain our patience so that it hits the bottom of the well. We ought to feel proud that we have as much patience as we do. I wonder where it all comes from, because so little is coming back in to replenish the well.

Oops -- caught an error. Her blood sugar was low, not blood pressure.

Stick to what you promised yourself and dont loose your patience, you might regret it later. I have had Mom in my home 6 years, I understand and used this...I printed, framed and put on the bathroom wall.

Please don’t try and make me Remember…
Don’t try and make me Understand…
Just let me Rest and know you’re with Me…
Kiss my Cheek and Hold my Hand

I’m Confused beyond your concept…
I am Sad and Sick and Lost…
All I know is that I need You…
To be with me at all cost.

Don’t lose your patience with Me…
Please don’t Scold me, Curse, or Cry….
I can’t help the way I am Acting…
Although I will try.

Just Remember that I need You…
And the Best of me is Gone…
Please just stay beside me…
Until my Life is Done.

JessieBelle, I knew you meant blood sugar. I deal with it everyday.