First of all, let me tell you I admire you for your efforts and your dedication towards the loved one you take care for.
Second, I ask you to be patient with me because english is not my main language and I may write something silly.
I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past 5 years. When I met him he told me his mother had had a stroke the prior year and that she now had dementia as a sequel.
At that time she was living with my boyfriend's brother in another state, but after one year in our relationship he decided to bring him to live with him. We weren't -and aren't- living together, but things changed so much.
His mother is not in critical condition, she is not in imminent danger, so he leaves her in a nursing home while he's at work, and picks her up once he gets out. I'm the one who has to be driving aroud the city to see him, sometimes I pick him up from work, sometimes I go to his house, and whenever I ask him to go where i am (which is not very often, only when I'm sick or really busy), but he almost always finds an excuse to cancell the plans.
When we are together we can't even go to the store -literally- down the street without him asking her if she wants to join us, which bothers me because if she says no, he is OK with not taking her. This makes me feel she has an option, but I don't.
I really do understand the fact that he's willing to make his mom's life as comfortable as he can and that i'm not his first priorityHe has made it clear if we do not accept the house and live in it until he's dead he will never speak to me again. I am losing sleep over all of this and I have cried a thousand tears over the stress., I accept it and don't ask for something different, the problem is, I feel like when he tink's of our relationship, on us as a couple, he thinks of three people, not only two.
Whenever I try to talk to him about this, about how I feel, about what we could do to improve our relationship without him having to stop taking care of his mother, he tells me I dont understand and dismisses everything I say.
Now I feel I can't ask him for more attention because his mother's sickness really is a difficult task for him, but in the process, i've come to accept that my problems and my needs are less worthy of his attention. I've put myself aside for so long that when he does something to spend some time alone with me, even if it is only one hour, i feel like he's doing a hughe thing for me and I shoul be grateful for that.
I don't want to get tired of this, I really want to be with him. I've been patient and understanding, but I don't know for how long I will be able to keep on being so. I know many of you, as caregivers, will be able to give me some advise.
Thank you very very much.