My negative dad...

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My dad moved in with me last year. He is 87 years old, but people say he looks like he is in his 60s. He is healthy generally except he needs to wear hearing aids and he has frequent urination.


He is a smart *ss and he raised me with talking down, negative reinforcements. As I grew up, he constantly tells people how bad of a daughter I am. Now he lives with me and my quality of life has decreased dramatically. There are drops of food on the floor, he throws recycle trash on the floor, he doesn't flush and he pees all over the toilet. I find myself constantly cleaning after him. I become depressed dealing with him, stuff he says would raise my blood pressure to an extreme. I feel like choking him and I wish him dead all the time. No matter what I do (take him places for short trips, take him to restaurants...etc), he still complains to people that I am a slave driver (I asked him to clean after himself), and he would make fun of me by mocking me about my appearance...etc. I don't feel like doing things with him, I don't feel like hanging out with my friends, either. Socializing has become tasks for me. I don't know what else to do. He is getting SSI so he can't afford assisted living. I really don't want him around anymore, and if he doesn't shut up and be nice, I am afraid I will really choke him one day. I feel he is in danger

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My 80 yo dad is currently in a HUD senior apartment building and doing well enough. I'm happy for him. I'm happy for me that I don't need/want him to die anymore so I can live. I can relate, G.

My dad receives a few hundred dollars of Social Security, plus a little Vet disability, plus a little SSI to bring it up to $700 a month total, the fed minimum amount. I would assume your father is receiving the same amount...? My dad is in a HUD place for seniors and has money left over at the end of every month.

Tell your dad he's going to a HUD place. Look up online where they are. Get him applied to all the ones in the area, as there will be waiting lists for the next available units.

If you can possibly swing it, getting some therapy right now while you make this transition would be very helpful to keep the emotional and mental damage from becoming worse. If you can't afford therapy, come over to Caregivers & Dysfunctional Families thread and you can participate in that ongoing thread to help you get through this time. Here's the thread: https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/the-caregiver-dysfunctional-families-149068.htm
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Why did you allow him to move in?

And now that he's there, what are you going to do about it?

Call the local Area Agency on Aging. Get a Needs Assessment, fine out what his resources are AND what kind of senior housing he needs /qualifies for.

File for eviction if you need to. But don't allow him to destroy your mental health.
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