My mother's suffering is over.

Im sorry for your loss.

In relation to the story about your Mom's hairdo . Its not offensive at all. It made me smile.

To the other user. I hope you get to keep your Mom out of hospice too. Despite my many vents on here...I actually feel kind of proud that I was able to doctor/nurse my own mother in-house until she died. Protecting her from the risks of bedsores and nosocomial infections which are easy to catch when you have a frail bedridden patient in hospice. I respect the work of hospice workers but I also know the limit of individualized patient care in a group setting. The one doctor working on the hospice ward would have never been able to give my Mom the kind of daily individualized care that I was giving her on.

Anyways back onto my gripe on finances.

Is ridiculous. Its hundreds of bucks just to run a funeral announcement and dad wants to stream the thing on social media for "those who can't make it"

I've got half a mind to tell Dad to make them pay for it to be streamed if they want to see it so badly.

When I was getting married we wasted a whole bunch of money printing expensive invitations for "so-called rich family friends" who didn't show-up to the wedding, nor did they give a single wedding gift. The poor and the middle class family and friends all contributed to our wedding...and all the richest peope didn't come/contribute. I'm not falling for that again.

I’m so sorry for your loss but I commend that you and your wife cared for mom for 5 yrs….I’ve been doing the same for about the sane time ….my mom is 91 and I care for all her needs ie medical needs etcetc and speak to drs virtually since she recently having mobility issues …trying to keep her home till the end unless she is in distress ie breathing…..she wants to die at home and I pray that she dies in her sleep but if it doesn’t happen that way I will get home hospice to alleviate any suffering ….she wants no hospitals ..we will see

Exvee, I am so sorry for your loss.

Praise The Lord that she went in her sleep ..

May you all receive grieving mercies and strength for this new season of life.

Exvee, my deepest sympathies on your loss.

I am in no mean trying to make light of your grieving, I just wanted to relate a story about my mom's funeral, as you mentioned how very VERY expensive they are.

To say my mom was "frugal" is to say something like "Atilla the Hun had some anger issues". After she had passed and we went to the funeral home to make the arrangements, the Director was going over a list of the charges with me and my sister. Mom's final "hairdo" was going to run almost $200.

My sister and I both burst out laughing. My sister explained to the Director that we both doubted my mom spent $200 on her hair over the course of a 5 year period and would never have paid that price while she was alive! We decided it would be ok to fork over the money "just this one time", so mom would look fabulous.

At mom's wake, when my sister and I were at mom's casket, she leaned over to me and whispered "but doesn't her hair look AWESOME?"

My prayers are with you. (((hugs)))

Funerals are ridiculously expensive !
This is shaping up to be almost as expensive as my wedding. And I only got married earlier this year.

What a blessing that she went peacefully, it is difficult no matter what though.
This will definitely be a big adjustment for you, give yourself time - wishing you comfort and peace.

So sorry for your loss. I am with lealonnie here. Going in her sleep was a blessing. My Dad went the same way, in his own home. After having Thanksgiving with his kids and grands, my daughter got him ready for bed. He went to sleep and never woke up.

God bless her.

Exvee.....you did everything humanly possible for your mother; it was her time to go; God came for her and there was nothing you could have done to prevent her departure. What you do now is you grieve but you don't beat yourself up for what you 'didn't do' b/c you did more than 99.9% of the rest of us did for our parents, as a son and a doctor. I'm glad you have a clear picture in your mind of your mom as she was right before she passed, which was clean & relaxed and okay. Many of us have quite a different picture in our heads of our mothers right before they passed, which we can never quite forget. Take solace in that and remind yourself that mom is at perfect peace now, with no need for tubes and bed sore dressings; she is dancing free & clear of any limitations today. That's what I said in the eulogy I wrote for dad, who was wheelchair bound with a brain tumor: that I was rejoicing in the knowledge that finally he was free of his wheelchair and his pain & dancing with joy in heaven.

The day before. She was a bit constipated. So I did a manual procedure for her. Then changed her pamper. Dressed her bed sore. The bed sore was healing quite nicely after we bought her a donut shaped pillow. The bed sore was almost gone actually.

I changed the dressing around her gastrostomy tube. Cleaned it sterile and dressed it.

I brushed her teeth as best as I could. Then left her on her bed.....I can still see it clearly in my head.

Sigh....

Exvee, I am sorry for your loss. Your suffering is over too. So stressful when the end is near. It is a gift that she passed peacefully thorough the night.

I am so sorry, but it sounds as if she went on her own terms and the way we all seem to want to. Peace to you and your family

I'm sorry for your loss but am pleased that she passed in her own bed, in her sleep. That's the way to go. That was a mercy. May you receive peace in your heart and be comforted by loving memories.

Thanks for the warm outpouring.

I remember when I started feeling overwhelmed by Mom's daily care needs and I found this website.

I've dedicated so much of my energy to caring for my Mom....its suddenly over ...and I'm scared.

I am sorry for your loss. I'm going through the same thing right now that you did. My heart and prayers will be with you.

I'm sure this being "expected but unexpected" is unsettling for you. I hope as the day passes and the reality sinks in that you are able to know peace and rest. God bless you with his comfort.

My condolences on your loss.

I’m sorry. May God send comfort to you and yours.

I'm so sorry for your loss

She's at peace.

((((((((Hugs)))))))

Allow yourself as much time to grieve as you need. People will tell you to 'deal wihth it' and even more unhelpful things.

My mom has been gone just 2 months now. I'm still in the "I can't believe this happened' stage, but am slowly working through the stages. Not looking forward to the holidays, but life goes on and it's not fair to my family (who were not close to mother at all) for me to be down.

ANd if you have already lost your father--suddenly, you're an orphan ( doesn't matter how old you are!) and that is a weird shift in dynamic.

I'm sorry for your loss. Take care of you, OK?

Sympathy on your loss. May your mother rest in peace; may her memory be a blessing. Hugs to you.

So very sorry. It's such a jarring moment to see the literal shell of someone and know they're truly gone. I know the feeling.

Exvee, I am so sorry for your loss. It is always such a shock when people go suddenly and unexpectedly. Looked at it from your Mom's standpoint, what a blessing to pass in her sleep, what we all hope for, but for you the shock is acute. I am so sorry

I'm so sorry for your loss. ((((HUGS)))).

My sincere condolences on your loss. We only have one mother, and losing her is always hard.

I am sorry for your loss and happy for your mom that her suffering is over. It is always a shock. Take care of yourself now. Hugs

ditto Daughter1930

I’m so very sorry for your loss. As much as we all think we’re preparing ourselves, I don’t know that we ever really can be ready. I’m sure your mother knew your love and care. I wish you healing and peace, and hope with time you’ll remember her with more smiles than tears