My Mother will be going to assisted living but she does not know yet.

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Hello all you loving caregivers,
I have been on this site for 3 years as my Moms 24/7 caregiver and that is now changing. The transition will take place next month but we are not telling Mom until close to moving time. I know that she is going to put up a fuss. I offered to stay in my Mothers home until she passed but only with certain legal things put in writing. This included a little monthly salary - not close to the $5000 assisted living charges - 2 weeks of respite per year and I wanted the house put in my name in my Mother passes before I do. I gave them options if they were not willing to go with my wishes. They were not willing so my Mother is moving into an assisted living up by my Sis. It is going to be an interesting month as my sis thinks my Mom is just going to roll over and agree. I am keeping out of everything since I am so excited to get back my own life. When my Mom starts to boss me around I think "only 1 more month" and just smile.

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Thank you - so helpful to hear how another has handled this situation. I am very familiar with borderline personality disorder as I worked in an inpatient psychiatric facility for many years - kudos to you for understanding your limitations and that your life is also important. I have no problems with the kind little white lies at all. My Mothers dream would be for me to marry a rich man - I am 60 - not gonna happen - but maybe I will tell her that or whatever eases her mind. hugs
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Hadenough~I can sympathize as I can't live my mother due to her borderline personality disorder. I love her, and it hurts to see her declining, but I know she is getting good care. What I tell my mom (it works like a charm) when she asks to go home, "The dr. is filling out the paper work and as soon as he does that you can go home." Of course she forgets and I repeat it at every visit.It is not the truth but a loving lie that is for her best interest. We enjoy our time together. For example, this Saturday, sis and I will have lunch with her, then we will take her to the mall. She still enjoys getting out in stores just to browse. I take her Baskin Robbins for ice cream once a week, just making memories which is so important to me since my childhood memories of my mom are not good memories. It is understandable that you need professional help now. Hang in there...hugs to you and your mom!!
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Thank you sharymarie - I am really hoping others in this position respond. I am going to back off the first month and my sis will stay with her until she has some kind of routine. I know there will be a lot of "when am I going home" "why have you taken my home" ect... but I am going to let my sis take care of that. Hopefully I will be able to visit her after a while and we can have a loving relationship. I love her but living with her was a challenge and I feel we both may need different living situations. She got so dependent on me and I felt smothered and resentful. My Mom was not a dependent female - she always was on the go and had many friends. Truthfully when I was growing up she did not have much time for me and did not really seem very interested. We became closer when I became an adult. Now that she is in the toddler stage I need professional help.
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Your mom may pit up a fuss. I know my mom did. She cried and then threw tantrums but we limited contact the first month or so. Mom was on the AL side for about 6 weeks then we moved her to memory care. She was with the same people mist a different room. She became out of control the first day
I stayed away from visiting but sis went to see her and ..oh boy...a big tantrum. Mom is settled now even though she asks to go home at every visit. Good luck with hour mom and best wishes to getting your life back.
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