My mother went into the hospital last night. I can’t stop crying.

Dear "Elaine1962,"

I'm so very sorry to hear of this turn for the worse. I think you're doing the right thing to keep her where she's at and I sure pray your brother makes it in time.

May God comfort you in this very sad and difficult time -

Sending you love and hugs -

Thinking about you fearing this difficult time. I’m so sorry.

Update- having our meeting soon. I’m going to ask if she can stay at the hospital. They called me to come to the hospital at 9:30am. She took a turn for the worse.

Not eating or drinking and unresponsive. I don’t want to move her. I’m going to tell hospice that. My brother coming at 3:00. I hope he makes it in time. She appears to be in a coma. I can’t stop crying.

Praying for you, your family & your mom today Elaine, and keeping you close to my heart.

Thinking of you today.

Thank you everyone. Thank you so much for all of your support. I will keep you updated after the hospice meeting at 1:00pm. Thank you to each and every one of you for all your support.

Elaine
Just echoing what others have said. Very sorry about your mom.
Take extreme care of yourself as you navigate the next few days.
The shock of finding her will have numbed you to a degree.
Hugs to you and your son and your tough little mom.

Dear "Elaine1962,"

This deeply saddens me beyond words.

You've been in my prayers since the first time you posted what happened and will continue to be as long as needed.

May God give you some rest tonight -

Cherokeegrrl, my mother only has a few days, or weeks to live. She suffered a severe stroke and pneumonia in one lung. She is receiving comfort care at the hospital but they can’t keep her for weeks.

My brother and I have a meeting at 1:00 with hospice to discuss facilities.

She is on morphine and has stopped eating and only has a swab dunked in tea, or soda, or water for her to suck on.

It affected her brain as she does not know what month it is, she doesn’t know where she is. She thinks she is in the city that she grew up in as a little girl.

Ive asked her if she knows who I am and she said yes, but when I say who am I? She can’t come up with my name.

She also thought my son was some guy named William.

When my husband came with me yesterday she said “Whose that boy?”

Elaine....i am so sorry you had to find your mother in this condition. I just want to remind you of all the abuse you have endured from her. You have done EVERYTHING you could to help her, and now she is paying the consequences of her refusal of any and all help....i dont mean to upset or hurt you, i do realize how much you love your mother. But i want you to remember that you count too! You have done all you can, now, perhaps the doctors,etc that have deemed her competent all this time will step up and say she can no longer live alone. Prayers coming to you! Liz

Elaine, my heart and thoughts are with you, thank you for updating. I know you’ll find the best plan going forward for your mom and she will be comfortable and at peace

Thank you for the update Elaine. We will check in with you tomorrow.

Good luck, Elaine - I hope they can find a good facility that is near you!

Update:: My brother is coming here to see my mother tomorrow. We are having a conference call at 1:00 regarding hospice.

They can’t keep my mother in the hospital. She has to be moved to a facility that also pairs up with hospice.

I will know more tomorrow.

Elaine,

Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.

Dear "Elaine1962,"

Since your last post, I'm very sorry to hear your mom is doing worse today compared to yesterday and they have now started the morphine.

May God give you strength and continued prayers for you and your family.

Thank you everyone for all of your well wishes . Alva deer I think you are right about lividity. I will certainly ask the doctor when I see him.

She didn’t break any bones so that stands to reason it would be lividity as I don’t know how long she was laying there on her stomach before I got there.

She was worse today than she was yesterday. They started giving her morphine today.

Lea, hugs and prayers for both you and DH.
Conline hugs and prayers for Elaine and mom, too

That whole bruising thing is called "lividity". Isn't painful. You can look it up. I couldn't think of the word when first I posted. Would last and turn all colors of rainbow for about 3 weeks. It is simply the body not moving, the blood flowing downward, and happens quicker and more dramatically in the elderly. So I think that is what you are seeing. You could ask doc if it is "bruising from fall or lividity". Knock his socks off with your knowledge. Thinking of you.
The admins move things around I think from question to discussion. Those things where it isn't just a question are often moved. I don't go to discussion as often, but think I will from now on.
I am assuming with the pneumonia they ran a covid test? They almost always do. That was negative?
We appreciate your updates. You and Lea are in our thoughts.

Ok so now I'm crying. Again. But it's been 15 minutes so I'm due. Your mother has lived life on HER terms, Elaine. Entirely. This is what she wanted. Nobody 'wants' to die, or to have a stroke, or to lie on the carpet until they're found. But that's also part of 'living life on one's own terms.' Can't have it that way AND another way at the same time, you know?

You've been a dutiful daughter. You've honored your mother's wishes, hard as it's been, and you've done right by her, every step of the way. DO NOT let the medical people make you feel guilty by asking questions about why her feet are in the condition they're in, or why she wasn't visited more frequently, etc. etc. Only YOU and SHE know the real details of this agreement that she FORCED upon you. If you had your druthers, which you didn't, things would have been different and mother would have been placed in Assisted Living long, long ago. But she didn't want that. She wanted THIS & THIS is what she's gotten.

It's never easy to see a loved one in rough shape. You're used to seeing your mother in fighting mode, argumentative and fiesty, not laying in bed like this. But this goes to show you her vulnerability as well. If this is her time to leave and be with God, then you can let her go knowing you've done EVERYTHING for her you were capable of doing. And then some. You've been a good and loving daughter in spite of her off-putting behavior. She's calm and peaceful and that ALONE should tell you that she's come to terms with where she's at in life right now. Sit with her, hold her hand, tell her you love her, and focus on remember the good times you've had together.

Sending you the biggest hug in the world, my friend. And my admiration for who you are as a human, and my compassion for all you're going through right now. God be with you, dear one.

Dear "Elaine1962,"

I know your mom has a long way to go but, I did feel encouraged by your update. I'm glad you and your son are allowed to visit often which I'm sure helps you with some of the anxiety.

I'm glad she's calm, doesn't need sedation, isn't in any apparent pain as well as being able to recognize you and your son. They have the TV on and soft music on in the background. I'd say they are taking good care of your mom!

The images are one of the hardest parts to get out of your mind but, she looks at you with gratitude for having found her. She knows you have done and continue to do what's best for her. I feel like she's doing good considering it's only been a little over a day. So I hope you can try to focus on that and by spending as much time with her as possible. Her bruising of course would be normal to have taken such a dramatic fall and with elderly people having thinner skin but, it will continue to dissipate with each passing day.

I hope your mind is a little more at ease and just keep pressing forward - my continued prayers are with you all!

(((hugs and a smile)))

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers. Thank you Alva Dear for explains about the bruising. Her face didn’t look so bruised when I saw her yesterday so that makes perfect sense what you said.

I found lealonnie on the discussion thread and posted their also. I didn’t realize my post was under discussion either.

Im not sure how it all works with questions and discussion. I usually post under question but somehow mine ended up in discussion. Keeping lealonnie in my thoughts and prayers also and her DH.

OLD NURSE opinion, there is likely not a lot of pain because I don't think her bruising is from a fall and bleeding under the skin. It is from laying on floor in one position. My guess from what you say is that Mom had a stroke and fell to floor right there, and then the blood pools on the side feeling the pressure of the floor; it happens even more in the elderly. Ask the doc. I would bet I am right. So not much pain and she suffers a stroke, boom.
You know, she DID get to do it her way. I wasn't aware how stubborn she could be really over all time, but she got to do it her way and now your honor her wishes. I am glad she isn't having an awful time with the breathing from the pneumonia.
Thoughts with you. Lealonnie posted yesterday in discussions about her DH. He goes for open hard triple or quad bypass today. Everyone, hold our two gals in their hearts through these tough days. With you in thought, Elaine.

Elaine, I just saw your post now so I read all the other answers and caught up. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this but rest assured you are not to blame for anything. I remember the first time I discovered my mom in a bad way, delirious with sepsis, talking to herself, etc. I kept saying to myself "I thought she sounded bad on the phone last night, if only I had run over there" But I know I was a good daughter and she knew I was too. You sound like a great daughter and your mom knows that as well.

God be with you. I will pray that your mom has a peaceful passing and that he comforts you throughout all of this.

So good you get to visit, Elaine.
How is your son taking the visit?
It makes a big difference to go with a family member.

Thanks for updating us.

Update - I went to visit my mother yesterday and then I left and came back with my son.

We are fortunate in the fact that since my mother is in comfort care they will allow 2 of us in her room at the same time any hour of the day or night. Regular visiting hours are from 2pm-6pm with only one visitor in the room.

Shes calm. She’s not sedated at all. Only us on oxygen and has a catheter. She hasn’t felt any pain at all. Is that because of the stroke? Her whole right side is black and blue on her face and shoulder and she said she didn’t feel any pain. The stroke is on that side.

She recognized me and my son. They had the tv on with background flowers and soft music.

She hasn’t had anything to eat or drink except 2 teaspoon of tea. She can’t drink out of a straw. Her mouth is wide open and sounds like snoring sounds even when awake.

I can’t get the imagine out of my mind of her laying on the floor. She told me at the hospital on Tuesday that she was glad I found her. That would have been a horrible way to die. Laying on the floor with nobody around.

But she looks peaceful and comfortable at the hospital and I am so thankful for the doctors and nurses there. They are all doing a wonderful job with her.

Thank you everyone for all of your kind words. It means so much to me!!

Oh Elaine! I am so sorry! Please don’t beat yourself up or assign yourself the blame for this. We all know who did this-your mother. She has resisted everything and everyone who has tried to help. This would have happened even if you had gone over there on Tuesday. You couldn’t have prevented this. And now you are honoring her wishes by putting her on comfort care. Like Barb said, she got what she wanted, she’s calling the shots until the end. You’ve been a faithful dedicated daughter all these years, I think I would have abandoned her ship years ago if I was in your shoes!! so Barb is spot on-“you done good”! I’m so sorry it had to happen this way—the event you’ve been waiting for-happening so suddenly and like this. Just try not to best yourself up & feel guilty. You went above and beyond all these year’s. You never gave up on her. You did all you could do.

Dear "Elaine1962,"

Just wondering how you are holding up and if there are any updates you can share with us?

I'm hoping you're at least able to get some rest/sleep in order for you to cope with your mom's situation.

Take care!

I am so sorry Elaine and you are not to blame. This could easily happen to any of us. Its so hard to provide care when they fight us everyday. She is in the best place for now. Take care of yourself because you need to be well.
Prayers and hugs.

Hugs and prayers, Elaine. We are all with you in spirit; draw on our strength to get you through.