For example she has a cat we told her to put litter pan in the basement (keep in mind I have a small house) the cat has been here 3 weeks and in her bedroom and stinks the house up.

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You need to take control. She is no longer just your mother. She is a person that you have changed places with: you are the caregiver. Put the litter in the basement yourself. My mom brought her cat. Swore I never would have it here, but here it is! She clawed up everything at mom's, but not in my house. Took her to the groomer, and I have caps put on her claws about every 3 months. They just glue on. The kitty litter is in mom's bathroom, but I change it every week and scoop it every few days. The extra work is worth keeping the stink away.

As far as mom living here, I set rules down immediately! BOUNDARIES. That is my rule by which we live. I do not deviate. Kitchen is closed by 9:30pm, bedtime is 10:00pm, not getting up in the middle of the night, call for me only in dire emergency! When I go out and no one else is here to watch her, she does not get up for anything but the bathroom. She falls, she goes.
I know, I sound just awful! You are right. But it is as if you are dealing with a child. If we follow the rules she is safe and happy. I don't worry if I have to leave her for a few hours. We have great help to take care of her so that we can have a life. We go out every Saturday night and sometimes on Sundays too. Next weekend we are going away for Friday and Saturday and the agency lady I have is coming to stay with her. I would go nuts after 4 years if we didn't take care of ourselves. Brother does NOTHING!!!!!! So, take care, make rules and time for yourself. Things will settle down and get better if you don't sacrifice yourself!!!!!!!!

Good luck,

Good luck to you, but why is Mother in your house?

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