My mother is suffering from breast cancer. I feel so ashamed I can’t forgive myself for what I did to my Mother.


She underwent surgery and is now going through chemotherapy. She needs 4 cycles we got done with 2 cycles. Recently I saw some msgs on her phone to her cousin (my mom is already married). I doubted her that she might be having an affair with him. I said lots of bad words to her that you’re bald no one will marry you, now he will leave you as well. This hurt her so much she started crying as she was already stressed. She broke down. I didn't console her. Later on she told me she was just telling her cousin how she felt how she was afraid of death she just wanted to talk to someone. I feel so ashamed I can’t forgive myself for what I did to my Mother. I think I'll never forgive myself and I will punish myself with this for the rest of my life. I don’t know how to forgive my self... My mom has forgiven me, she said she forgave me the same moment I said those bad words to her, but I can’t forgive myself my words will haunt me for the rest of my life.



Wow, even if she was bedding the devil himself, why in the world would you slam her with those personal attacks about her hair and all?!?

Either there's more at play here or you need anger management.

I have a feeling Mom has had affairs before if not, why jump to this conclusion. And, how could you see Moms texts? Phones are private. Your Mom owed you no explanation. Something you are going to have to live with for a while. Be glad she forgave. Chalk it up to stress and try to go on.

I recently offended a neighbor with some true, but very unkind comments. I don't know why, that's not my normal MO. It's not her fault she annoys me and clings to me like a mother--which I do not want to be to her. She is 8 years younger than my youngest child and acts about 12 most of the time--just a very slow learner and immature---BUT, no reason on my behalf to belittle her over something she's very sensitive about.

Apologizing, sincerely, is the only thing you really can do. You did that. She forgave. Let it go.

Your mom is under tremendous stress, in a way, so are you.

Your mom forgave you--that's what moms do.

Don't beat yourself up. Just don't repeat the offense. No more can be expected of you, and as a mother to 5, I can tell you that I am constantly being called out by one of the five and only 3 of them EVER ask forgiveness. Yet, here it sits, waiting to be given. Actually, it's already been given.

Maybe you’re burnt out w exhaustion? Is she also abusing you? Try to take a break from caregiver chores.

The negative comments have already been said. I think you have 2 approaches:

1. Consider the circumstances and why you said such cruel things.

2. Consider what you can do to make amends.

With 2 more cycles of chemo, she's probably already tired, weak, perhaps depressed, and in need of assistance. What can and will you do, now and in the future?

Focus on remediation; what's said can't be taken back, so try to compensate. Your mother was generous enough to forgive you; prove to her that you're worth forgiveness.

I'm not sure what ".." means.

I hope you are well and can move on. Good thoughts to you and to your mom.


I'm not sure why you would assume that your mom was having an affair with her cousin because there were text messages between them, unless they were explicitly sexual in nature.

Are you in the habit of jumping to conclusions?

What kind of relationship do have with your mother, in general? Close, friendly? Cold and distant?

Has she said hurtful things to you in the past? Are you both generally not understanding of each other? Is there a history of abuse?

If your mother is willing to overlook this extremely transgressive conversation and put it behind her, then you should find it in yourself to move on.

You might find it helpful to speak to a pastor or a counselor an try to figure out where the impulse to hurt your mom came from.