I could be here for days.... sum of it all is, I have a 67 year old mother going on 97 she retired herself off when my twins were born 20 years ago, with no and I mean no financial compensation. She has basically been reliant on her state pension the past 6 years but prior it has been the burden of her deceased husband and myself.... she is a battle axe, feisty in character and trust me when I say she blames everyone for demise but herself.... she is the victim in every situation wont take any accountability for what she has done to her family or herself! My siblings have basically washed their hands clean of any responsibility for the past 6 years. She's a manic depressant, tried to commit suicide twice last year in my house... doesnt want to live by rules and told me she only has one daughter.... not me sadly, she means my doting sister NOT! She now wants to become a hobo and live in the bush... sadly I'm becoming more and more impatient with her and her crazy antics...

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I also have a 95 Yr old Mom and she isn't like yours but believe me patience is definitely a virtue. I haven't had a moment to myself much and I feel trapped. I am an only child and I've got the works . I am no spring chicken and I am very tired and I don't have a car/ cant afford one; makes things hard. Sounds like your Mom needs some special help and you need to talk to her Doctor. I am trying to find some home help for my Mom / like a cleaner and a care giver. Sometimes they do better with special care. But I would so very much talk to her Doctor. And get her Meds checked and try to give yourself some me time too . God Bless

Shannon, I am so glad that you have found a place for mom.

I will pray that she stays put.

Please do not feel like you have to support her financially for the rest of her life. Unless in SA you are legally required to you are not obligated to pay for her poor choices.

Having her out of your house will make it easier to not be as angry and time will help with the rest, however, mental illness can not be a justification for treating people horribly for decades. If she was so sick she would have been declared incompetent.

It is a handy excuse for loads of people, but when there is no responsibility for personal actions, well, I think it is used to do what ever they want with no consequences. Just my opinion.

I feel this way because my mom had multiple suicide attempts, none of them true attempts to kill herself, except the last one. Then it was over, she almost succeeded and she realized that her stunts were like playing Russian roulette.

Stay strong and determined, keeping her at arms length to not get sucked back in is okay.

I'm sorry that you do not have access to good health care. Makes the situation worse.

I pray she finds her place and lets you have some peace.

I can fully relate with inadequate and inefficient medical system (also living outside the US) but I’m curious as to what type of home you have found for her? Is it a place where they take care of her health, specially her mental health?

Also, when you say you get her meds privately, does that mean that she’s been seen by a doctor (private) and been diagnosed and followed up on?

Since you’re already paying out of pocket for private medicines I hope that also translates into consistent medical attention for her.

It is critical Shannon, critical, that where ever she is she receives the proper attention and care. I don’t mean to add to your worries but as I'm sure you’re aware when a person attempts suicide you KNOW they have reached their limit, and any change that makes them fall deeper into depression (such as living in a place they reject) and without being properly treated can be a terrible wrong turn.

I am not implying you should keep her in your house and deal with it, as even being there she is definitely not at peace (two suicide attempts are enough evidence), but I’m urging you to make whatever effort you can make to get her the help she needs! Your siblings may not want to have anything to do with her, BUT they should contribute financially. Maybe you can get them onboard telling them you are taking care of her and relieving them from that burden, but they have to contribute financially.

Lastly, for your own sake try to fight the resentment against your mother. She is obviously sick, seriously sick actually Sharon. She has been for a very long time it appears, maybe during your entire life! It’s not someone to be mad at, but someone to help. The better she gets to be the more you can potentially -and looking into the future- have her in your life in a healthy way.

Wishing you and her enlightenment and hope!!

Yes I am from South Africa and our government sadly does not offer a very good standard of health care, never mind dealing with the mentally ill. Most of the time they see a different doctor each time they get to the appointment or they don't have her medication due to strikes. I get her medication privately for her. Unfortunately, our laws do not allow us to put her in a mental institution unless she's goes willingly or admitted by the court! Thankfully, I have found her a home for the time being. Please pray she stays, this will be a huge relief on my part!! Thanks for all the support and advice.

It sound like she has a personality disorder of some kind. I do agree that you can't live this way. And being a maniac depression is just making it worse. There is medications for the depression, however, for some personality disorder there might be some meds but it involves intensive therapy, and that made not work because people who suffer from this don't believe that there is nothing wrong with them, and the fact that they really do believe that their problems are the cause by others.
And I must add treatment for mental illnesses is not as easy as on one believe because most of it is through trial & error. One medicatoin may work for some but not for others even though they are having the same symptoms. Therefore, I have to say with respect mental illness is not so easy to treat. Furthermore, most people with mental illness find themselves living a nightmare that they can not wake up from. These diseases can offen be very difficult to treat.

And take to heart we can not help someone who doe not or will not let anyone help them. They have to help themselves first. God helps those who help themselves.
You can change her!
Good Luck

Hobo? Could be interesting, at least she won't be making your life a living nightmare.

Is there anyway to get her placed in a psychiatric facility? Attempting suicide multiple times means that she is very unstable, my mom did these antics to get attention and when she almost succeeded, she quit the bs.

I know that i will offend some people, sorry. However, mental illness can be successfully treated in 2018, so I personally find no excuse for it.

When people use others as pawns in a terrible mind game, enough is enough. You want to live on the streets? Bye! Obviously they don't want to die or it wouldn't be attempted it would be. It is a way to manipulate the people in their world and it is not okay.

Let her leave, you can't help someone who enjoys living with the mental illness, you just can't, but you can ruin the lives of others by allowing this to continue.

Safe yourself and your children, she doesn't care about any of you or she would want to change.

Best of luck getting rid of her.

What job did your mother retire from at the age of 47, on the birth of her twin grandchildren?

What did your (?step)father think about this at the time? When did he pass away?

When you say she is a manic depressant [sic] with a recent history of suicide attempts... What input have you had from professionals about her mental health, over the years and more recently?

Um. I don't want to be snotty. But if you're becoming more and more impatient with her "antics" - this woman is seriously ill. Is antics really the word you want? - then surely it's time to place her in the care of people who are perhaps better qualified and certainly better staffed. What bit of South Africa (yes?) are you in? Do you have access to good mental health services?

It isn't that I don't sympathise with the weight of what you've been carrying. Being the (unappreciated) primary caregiver for a person with chronic ill health like this - a long, long series of crises - is incredibly hard.

But it does also occur to me that if she *has* been treated over decades, and she's now entering an even (I think this is the right technical term) nuttier phase, both her underlying condition and maybe the treatment itself could have made her vulnerable to degenerative disorders which at least need assessment. Get help.

You are not the problem, she has obviously raised you to believe that her needs supersede your own. Your mom is a lifelong user and abuser and to top it off she isn't even grateful, I think you need some serious therapy to help you disentangle yourself from her web.

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