My mother is an extreme narcissist. She treats me like her personal robot. I'm burned-out, breaking mentally and physically. It never stops.

i think you are trying too hard to win your mother’s love. From her track record, it seems safe to say she won’t ever do or say the things you want of her. You need to make your peace with that and start putting yourself first.

For gods sake please stop this insanity. You already injured your back lifting her and this abusive woman doesn't give a damn. Do you want to be permanately disabled due to lifting her? Back pain is serious and can be permanent. This abuser hasn't shown one bit of empathy for you and treats you like a slave. What a shame your partner is allowing this woman to be moved into the home you share with them. Seriously consider not doing this and putting her in a facility. Isn't it time you stopped being abused by her?

This isn't love. This is you living a pattern she created when she abused you as a child. I wish you could take that child and hug and comfort her and love yourself enough to walk away from your mother. She will take until from until you are just a walking dead person.

How can you make any progress in therapy if you're living with your abusive mother, and now planning to 'move her into your partner's home?' All the while, suffering from 'depression, anxiety, PTSD and thinking of suicide daily.'

Your mother is on hospice, meaning she is thought to have 6 months or less to live. Why not move her into a hospice house to live out the last days of her life, and you can go visit her there instead of insisting on subjecting yourself to more torture and abuse? I seriously doubt anyone is expecting you to keep this up, when you've already gone above and beyond the call of duty for the woman! You also have an injured back now, so when is enough enough?

You love her, yes, but sometimes you have to love YOURSELF more than you love subjecting yourself to this type of treatment from someone else. I hope you can recognize that before it's too late.

Good luck.

In the U.S., hospice services are generally only provided if the recipient is medically expected to live 6 months or less. If your mother is indeed in her last months, leave her 'at home', and insist she accept some hired assistance for lifting, etc. If she doesn't accept, she lays there. She made that choice. If she complains about the food you provide, she either eats it or doesn't. Her choice. Something I know about extreme narcissists (my mother was one); they don't want to accept any responsibility whatsoever, even to make their own choices. (They can't complain and demand if they made the choice, can they?) One
reason your mother has gotten so demanding, is that you let her get away
with it. Decide what YOU are willing to do and not do, and implement it. You are not responsible for her choices.
I urge you not to move her into your partner's home: if you think things are bad now...

" I'm in therapy, but I can't make any real progress, because I'm still living in the dysfunction she demands. I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and PTSD, from the abuse of my childhood. I am so depressed now, that I think of suicide daily. I am in the process of moving her out of her house (where I have been living since she broke her hip 5 years ago), and into my partner's home."

If you aren't making any progress in therapy, time to consider a different therapist. Does your therapist know you think of suicide daily? Did they think it was a good idea to move your mother into your partner's home?

"I wanted to care for her, because I still love her, despite everything. "

Love doesn't mean that you have to be her caregiving slave. You can love from afar. She should be living elsewhere, and you can visit her if you think you need to do so.

I know how you feel. But, you have to without looking at consequences of your action get out of this situation.
You are suicidal and that is priority for you to deal with. There is nothing as important right now, only for you to get help immediately! Hire somebody, put her in care anywhere, she did it to you all your life and you are suffering greatly. In what universe you deserve this?
I say it once and thousand times, people who abuse caregivers don’t deserve caregiving.
Sorry to say that, but I had similar experience with my mother, I did realize 20 years ago she is not capable of loving anybody, so I let it go.
Caring now for husband with progressive PD I believe I derive strength from my experience, but, he is the best person ever, although if on occasion he starts any complaining I stop it immediately by redirecting or leaving.

Hi Squirrelma,

Caregiving is a long, difficult road, and we're happy you have found the support of others here on this site. However, there are limits to what untrained members of the forum can provide for you.

If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide, please reach out to experts for additional support by calling the 24/7 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

I'm sure other caregivers will be along shortly to provide more words of encouragement and advice. Hang in there and please take care of yourself!

Please seek the help of a therapist to work out creating boundaries you can both live with. You may need to consider placement now that you are suffering both mentally and physically. You say your Mom doesn't have dementia. That means it is really up to YOU to decide how your life will be going forward, and you aren't seeming able to do that despite the problems you have.
Of course you love her, but you aren't God. You are a human being with human limitations and it is time to embrace and honor them. We can give sympathy, but we aren't professionals and that's what needed to begin to walk a path that diverges from the well-trod path of habit.
I sure wish you the best and hope you will pat yourself on the back when you get help; it takes great courage to change yourself. Mom, of course, will NEVER change. She already has found what works well for her. You are still on that journey.

Oh my. First, please - get yourself some help right away. For yourself. Everything else is secondary!! Call the number that 97yroldmom listed above and talk to someone right away.

You need a break. You need some time away from her to process your next steps and make a plan for your life. Living with a narcissist is extremely hard. Caregiving is very hard. Combining those two things is a next to impossible feat, especially without help.

I will second Isthisrealyreal's question. Why are you moving her into your partner's home? Why isn't the move from her home to a facility where she can be cared for 24/7 by someone else while you move on with your life? You don't mention how old you are or how old your mother is, but right now, especially in your mental state, you do not need to be attempting to do anything but take care of yourself.

It is time that she be somewhere that others can take care of her, while you take care of yourself.

Right now you need to focus on what you need. A narcissist is never going to leave you room for that because they only focus on their needs. No one else has any needs as far as they are concerned. The only way you can focus on your needs is to make sure she is somewhere safe taken care of by other people so that you can get the time you need to take care of you.

Please take care of yourself!

Please call the suicide hotline and let them help you.

800-273-8255


You need immediate respite. Speak to the hospice and tell them to arrange it now. Don’t think about it, just do it.

You are in no shape to care for her. She has worn you out and sadly you have allowed it…like many others on this forum.

Put in earplugs, do the bare basics until she is out of the house and don’t move her into your partners home. Let hospice arrange for her care.

Why are you moving her into your partners house?

Move her to a facility and go visit.

You matter too! Regardless of what she has knocked into your head over your lifetime. She doesn't get to keep abusing you unless you allow it.