My mother-in-law thinks the people that she lives with are stealing from her, but I find the things she says are stolen hidden somewhere in her room.

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I am seriously considering telling my mother-in-law that I will not be seeing her as much if I have to listen to the constant litany about how the people where she's living are stealing from her. Everything she says they are stealing, I can find hidden somewhere in her room. I'm hoping that she will actually 'remember' what I'm saying, since there is a possibility that she won't get to see me anymore. Or at least, not nearly as often. Her memory is terrible, but the thought is, that message will get though the fog enough to STOP the craziness of repeating the same thing 50x's a day. I'm hesitant in telling her that, cause she is a nice person and I do love her. But...I'm tired of banging my head against the wall. Any thoughts?

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We are going to alert management about it as we just found this bag of stuff this past week end.. We want them to keep an eye on her and what she drag's to her room..I just don't want them to tell us they won't keep here there anymore, she is very disruptive and doesn't follow the rule's... her room is a mess as she is also a hoarder, we could straighten the room out and come back the next day and it looks ransacked.. she is in one of the nicest assisted care.. everything is so well taken care and she complains constantly about the people the food etc I could go on and on.. she is fighting this way of living telling people we put her in a jail...
What's a person to do... we are trying our best to make things good for her and have her live safely...
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Still going thru this with my mother-in-law. She hides things cause she's just SURE someone wants to steal the stupid stuff she has in her room. We have found everything so far, it's like hide and seek when I go to see her. There is NO arguing with her logically anymore cause of the dementia, we just find the stuff and put it back. I refuse to get stressed about this anymore, been there done that.
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Have you talked to management about it? It's probably not unusual. Just wondering how she has access to so many other people's things? Aren't their places secured by lock and key? What is your mom's diagnosis? Are you noticing other strange behavior?
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My mother is in assisted care and she is saying that people who live there steal... funny thing is she is the one who is doing the stealing... we find other people clthes, christmas decorations, hand lotion with other people name on them... what do we do... She has been stealing for quite a while... were do you turn for help????
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Linny, Tape him, use a camcorder, record his voice. Get the evidence you need.
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Sister,
The sale is a bust!! Two people have looked at it. One wanted more land; 3/4 of and acre is not enough!! She said that the house is over decorated; like I am selling her my pictures, artwork and couch!!!! One wants to come back. The house down the street sold yesterday at a 250thousand loss!! We just might scrap the whole idea. We don't have to sell and won't give it away. Feeling very depressed tonight. One of my very best friends is moving in 2 weeks to CA. That is on the opposite side of the country for us. I don't know what I am going to do without her. I am going to be like a rudderless boat. My depression is growing daily and I feel like I have had the worst few months of my life. God help me, but I just want to go to sleep and when I wake up, pretend that it is a dream. Got to laugh ; mom wants to know what is wrong. After the Thanksgiving fiasco( pooped, pooped and pooped some more), I just feel like getting on a plane for TX to go see my daughter! Can't wait till Christmas when she comes home. That will be the best medicine for me. Sorry to go on, but not a good night. Hope yours is better.
Linda
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Linny, my mother-in-law used to say to her three boys 'when you think it's time for me to move out of my house just tell me' we knew absolutely that she did not want to move, nor WOULD she move. We waited for the timing to be right, and with much prayer and her breaking her hip we got a break (no pun intended). When she went into the nursing home for rehab, they did an evaluation on her and all four of the professionals agreed unanimously that she could never live alone again. She cried for days then picked her face up off the ground and said OK. After she was moved into an asst. living place she would still cry and beg us to let her go 'home'. Eventually it was, 'I wish I could go home' and it's less often now. We all agreed with her, we wished her eyes, body, and mind hadn't given out on her. We wished she could go back home, back to all her memories in her little house. But when she and I talk about it, she wishes for a time machine to go back in time to a happier place. It's NOT really her house she misses. The point is, none of us wanted to be the ones that made her move. We let the professionals make that decision.
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Oh Linny,
What a long road ahead. You will have to talk to the doctor, and maybe multiple doctors. Someone has to step in and take charge here. It is very difficult and uncomfortable, but the bottom line is their safety. My Mother had these symptoms for several years before we were able to do anything about it, because she fought us every step of the way, and is still fighting even though she is in assisted living now. It took a long time to get her there, but it is the best thing for her. It will take a concerted effort by you, or someone in your family to start planning for what is ahead, meaning power of attorney or guardianship. When our loved ones get to the point where they can no longer make decisions about their well being, someone has to. And yes, you may be the bad guy, as I am, but I know I am doing the best thing. How is he handling his finances? Are his bills overdue? Are telemarketers targeting him?
My Mother put on the big act too, but when we got her doctor to recommend a "senior evaluation" for two weeks away, they determined that she absolutely could not live alone. You Father may need an evlauation, and that way it's not you, but the doctor.
Document his behavior daily and try to stay calm above all else. Step in and take care of bills, etc. if you see the need. He may not like it and think you are stealing, but you have to do what is best in his best interest. Look for a geriatric doctor in your area. I hope I have helped you.
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My father lives alone in the 2-storey, 3 bedroom house we grew up in, despite my pleas to sell and take an apartment. He's recently also begun misplacing things and accusing "someone with a key" (my husband or me) of going through his garbage and putting back things he threw out! You're right about a lack of rationality - when I asked what was more likely, that he only thought he threw them out and didn't, or that someone really went through his trash, he started screaming at me that he knew what he'd done with it. He's also "lost" a coat, yard tools, a watch, and other things, and believes someone took them. His doctor thinks he's fine, because he puts on a big act when we go. Any suggestions?
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We do need to turn over our concerns over to God. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with Thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God-Phillippians 4: 6-7 I try to do that when I have worrys.
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