I am a only child and her sister doesn't want her to live with her. I am stuck. She makes too much for Medicaid and I can't afford to send her anywhere. Today was a bad day. She cussed me out, tried to fight me. I don't know if I can do this.
It's for the "Office of Services to the Aging." Unfortunately it won't let me access many of its very helpful-looking information pages, probably because I'm in the European Union and there are technical issues, but I am confident that you will be able to find out how to contact advisors for help.
The way to look at it is this: pretend you didn't exist. What would happen to your mother then? She makes too much for Medicaid, but not enough for high-end private pay facilities - but that is true of *thousands* of seniors, including those who don't have family to help. There will be a way.
It is not good for *either* of you if one person is forced to become 100% dependent on another person and the relationship between these two people was never all right.
On top of that, if your mother has dementia her need for specialist care and support is likely to outgrow anything you could provide for her even if it were good to start with.
Where was your mother living just three weeks ago? What happened to force this change?
I'm an only child too. My parents are extremely abusive, even in their late 70's and 80's. My therapist told me to never let them live with me. That I owe them nothing and that if I want to help them, to find agencies to help them. They are far too toxic to live with or spend much time with. It's not healthy to be around that so strong boundaries and distance are mandatory. Good luck to you. If I were in your position I would look for assisted living or an apartment and then let insurance or aging agencies handle her. That's just me but I lived through such hell with them throughout my life, they will never live with me again. It would hurt me too much.
I think that your sister probably made the wise decision here. I doubt very much that this will work for you. You never did get along, and this will not become easier now that your Mom needs care. It could go on for many years. Personally I think it is time to look at placement for your Mom. That will be more difficult now that you have taken her into your home, so you may want to level with her regarding your thinking, and try to work it out. But set a time line for yourself and stick to it.
It's not easy, I've been taking care of my mom for 19 years, but the past 3to5 years she has done everything your mom has done except mine has gotten way worst. She said I have stolen money and things from her she says the meanest things to me to where I just don't like her at all she quit taking care of herself, such as changing her underwear taking a bath , any thing to do with hygiene she just won't do. She is worst that any 2 year old child. We never got along when I was younger at all. What doesn't help is I am an only child and all her brothers and sisters are dead, so that just leaves me. Taking care of your mom is going to take up most of your time. I don't even get me time anymore. I can't afford to hire someone to come in part time plus that would not work for me. Being able to talk about it to people does help me a little. You just have to figure out what works for you. I am still doing that. I hope I have help you in some way. The bottom line is what's good for you, cause if u are healthy and happy you will not be able to take care of your mom. Taking care of the older ones is not easy. I really do admire all these caregivers cause it's not a easy!
This sounds like a situation that will only make you more miserable as time goes on. Mom has gotten physical with you? That’s not good. If you’re involved in anything physical with her and she should fall and get hurt, it will not go well for you. Just the idea of living with someone who is miserably mean and nasty doesn’t sound like a great way to exist.
On Monday, call your local Area Agency on Aging and ask them who you’d speak with about opening a Miller or Qualified Income Trust. You will probably be directed to your Department of Human Resources. This trust will allow you to open an account or “trust” for Mom. However much she is over with her income that is disqualifying her from Medicaid will be deposited in the bank account you will open. In our case, it was $245 out of my husband’s check per month. Mom will then qualify for Medicaid and you can get her into a facility.
She is lovely enough to share her knowledge here. I find her to be the guru on many subjects.
It's for the "Office of Services to the Aging." Unfortunately it won't let me access many of its very helpful-looking information pages, probably because I'm in the European Union and there are technical issues, but I am confident that you will be able to find out how to contact advisors for help.
The way to look at it is this: pretend you didn't exist. What would happen to your mother then? She makes too much for Medicaid, but not enough for high-end private pay facilities - but that is true of *thousands* of seniors, including those who don't have family to help. There will be a way.
It is not good for *either* of you if one person is forced to become 100% dependent on another person and the relationship between these two people was never all right.
On top of that, if your mother has dementia her need for specialist care and support is likely to outgrow anything you could provide for her even if it were good to start with.
Where was your mother living just three weeks ago? What happened to force this change?
On Monday, call your local Area Agency on Aging and ask them who you’d speak with about opening a Miller or Qualified Income Trust. You will probably be directed to your Department of Human Resources. This trust will allow you to open an account or “trust” for Mom. However much she is over with her income that is disqualifying her from Medicaid will be deposited in the bank account you will open. In our case, it was $245 out of my husband’s check per month. Mom will then qualify for Medicaid and you can get her into a facility.