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It's mostly in the evenings every night now, as we are getting ready for dinner or settling in to watch TV together. It's making it SO hard to even be in the same room with her & is so frustrating & exhausting that It's starting to tear us apart. :-(
This constant complaining and arguing makes me crazy and I end up angry & in tears every night. How do I distract her without getting angry and trying to shut her down? I feel horrible when I do this, but it seems to be the only way to make her stop, even for a short period of time.

Addictive phone games are my best friend for those periods.

The game is all the mindless obsession, repetitive action she seems to need but with structured clear goals that are constantly re-stated so it keeps her on track.

If you can find a game that works, then buy all the locked content and let her at it. Three to four hours at a time on the game during the p.m. And since video gaming is a normal behavior, we can call it a hobby when in reality it is a redirection of aggression and confusion! You can ask how the game is going during commercial breaks.

Gives her something to talk about and share her achievements, and it is a very simple little world with simple actions that her working memory can handle even though long term and midterm memory might not be working.

If she seems totally unable I can say "hey, what level are you on??" and she starts opening up the game and being proud of being level 85 and having got all the items ...even though she got trapped in the car at the supermarket parking lot today because she forgot how car doors work.
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She is sundowning and there are meds for this.
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Before TV time, use ear plugs. And think about her moving to a facility. Do not risk your marriage. This really can tear you apart.
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Google " sundowning"
Get her seen by a geriatric psychiatrist as soon as you can..
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