My Mom's "friends" seem to enjoy telling me all the bad things my mom has said about me.

Follow
Share

My mom have a rough relationship, honestly over the last years I have separated myself from her. Well to be honest she moved an hour away without telling me. I was actually still stopping by her old home to check in, never finding her there for months before I saw her home had just sold on a realtor's Facebook page. Nice right. So after that I just made weekly phone calls and very rare visits. Since she was found in a diabetic coma in January her health and mental state has not returned. I have been there helping and trying to do the best for her. She is currently back in a rehab center after another hospital stay. Her primary doctor recommended long term care, since she has show no interest in managing her diabetes all these months. Back to her "friends". Everything I see them they always have to tell me about how my mom was going to change her will to take me out of it and that I was just not a good person. Seriously, I bascily turned up life upside to help her since this happened, why do they have the needed to keep saying these things. Even if my mom did tell them this things, you can see all I am doing, so why try to upset me. I have told them multiple times to just focus on the now and it is nice they are visiting with her. But every time I run into them. I try not to talknto them, I certainly am not going out of my way to. Just sems ridiculous that people are just so rude.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
9

Comments

Show:
Tattoochick, there was a pop psychology book published in the 60's - Games People Play. The one I remember best is "Let's you and him fight" about folks that like to stir the pot and get other people to fight while they watch. Lots of folks like to be the center of the psychic storm - creating problems where none exist - repeat gossip and bad stories. It makes them feel better (Germans call it schadenfreude - enjoying the bad luck and dark happenings of others to feel better). Who cares what these folks say? My response to these type of remarks tends to be CONSIDER THE SOURCE. "My mother's dementia is so bad - I feel so sad for her. And all the friends that she thought would help her out have abandoned her to the mercies of the system. And me, well if I had abandoned her I would not be here spending my money and time. Would you like to take one of the chores for her off the list so it gets done the way you think it should be? Didn't think so."
(4)
Report

My is mostly going to a nursing home. Which makes me sad, because she is only 71 and I don't want her to gets sit and melt into her dementia. I have looked at the local memory care centers here, but crazy they don't have an extended nursing license, which they need to care for her diabetes. She is insulin dependent, gets four shots a day (one long acting and three shot acting with meals). A nurse has to be on staff to give her the injections. So the rehab does have a long care facility attached to it. She can stay there, they are helping me try to find a memory care place as well, but just no luck at the moment.

AS for who is paying, right now it is her. She does not qualify for Medicaid yet, so it becomes out of pocket, until then. At some point we will see her home to help with cost. You do not have to to get Medicare, but when you do they will ask for a portion of the money to pay help pay for her care. It makes sense to sell it sooner then later, and put the money in to her care.
(0)
Report

What happens when your mother gets out of her latest stint in rehab? Does she live alone? If her doctor says she needs long-term care, what is that going to look like? (And who is going to pay for it?)
(0)
Report

*I do have POA, but that does things easy. - I meant doesn't make things easier.
(0)
Report

@FILsKeeper - These people are not caring friends and are not telling me to do more. Every since this has happened in mid-January, I have visited my mom everyday while she was in rehab for 3 months, then I arranged for 24 hour in home care when she went home. Visited four days a week, until I was told to butt out and she can do things herself. (Except pay her bills and grocery shop, I had to do that for her.) I cut my visits to twice a week, but still going to every doctor's appointment. When back to the hospital she went for a week, then back home for a month, the back to the hospital, again sent home and after two days fired the in home health companions. Helped her move out of her two story home into a beautiful ALF. That lasted two weeks and back to the hospital and now is current at a rehab center, where her doctor recommends long term care now. I am involved more then I should be it is effect my marriage and business.I do have POA, but that does things easy. She has been declared incompetent, still not the point. Why go out of your way to say hurtful things to me, trying to do the best for her, even if she did say them?
(0)
Report

Yes, she has been diagnosed with early stage dementia, just last month. I have seen it since the coma. I am starting to suspect it might have started earlier, just by the condition of her house and looking at her finances and seeing what she has been spending money on. She brought two Kayaks some time last year. Now she never liked the water, hardly ever went swimming, also said she got motion sick, including even at the movies. Oh yeah, the Kayaks disappeared from my mom's yard, asked the one friend who lives down the street about them. She first said that she was storing them as fear of some one would steal with from the yard. Now that it has been decided that my mom will be going to long term care, I asked about them. She said my mom said she could keep them. I asked when, and she said a few months ago. I asked for them back, saying we needed to sell them to help pay for her care. I honestly don't believe my mom gave them, I believe they asked an ill women if they could have them. I have also noticed a few things missing fro her house. Asked about those, and was told it most have been the home health aids that were coming in, my mom told them she did not trust them. Seriously, how low class, can these people be.
(0)
Report

Your mother sounds like a strange one and may have chosen some strange friends. I know a couple of older women that are like your mother's friends. What's on their mind comes out their mouths. It's best not to tell them anything, because they'll report it back with a bit of embellishment.

If someone told me my mother said I was a bad one and she was going to cut me out of her will, I would just say that I didn't care. When they go low, you go high.

You are such a better person than me. If my mother would have moved without telling me, I would have danced into the sunset and not bothered again. Do you think she has dementia after the coma? Dementia is very common in diabetics, particularly when it is poorly controlled.
(3)
Report

Maybe its their misguided way of trying to alert you that your mom is not doing too well, and needs help. Meaning you should really go with her to a doctor appt and hear the concerns of the doc and express your concerns too. The fact that your mom is not doing what she needs for her diabetes, and I can say this as I am a type 2, she is not of sound mine, so if something happens and she does have you out of her new will. You could probably get it over turned in probate court.

If she is really not doing well as you state, you should get hospice to come look in on her. If you really think that she can not handle her life and needs a home, get her doc to state that and have her declared incompentent and have a power of attorney that is a durable power of attorney. Search types of power of attorney online and you will understand what you need. Good luck.
(0)
Report

Perhaps they are just incredulous that you seem to be a caring, helpful person and wonder where you have hidden your devil horns and broomsticks?
(2)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Related
Questions