My parents always helped my brother with whatever he needed & he never bothered to pay them back. My dad gave his Electrical business to my brother & 2 work trucks. My dad started a RV repair business and asked me to come work for him & maybe some day the RV business will be split between us. So, I did, after 10 years my dad passed away. My mom was able to sell their new 35' RV & the business right away. Then after she sold the newest truck, she told us we could each have one truck. He took the one with the newer of the 2 w/campershell & I was to get the '65 chevy. One day on way to mom's for Xmas I see my '65 chevy parked at my brothers ex house. When I got to my mom's I was so upset. She told me to zip it & not cause a seen. That she had to keep the '65 truck in my dads name & since brother and dad had same name she let him keep the truck??
Next, they put $$ for down payment on his new home. When my brother had to go to jail my dad created a job for him so he could be out during the day. We both were given the same used ford escorts, but I had to pay $5,000 for mine?
My car broke down and I was saving up to get it fixed when my brother's car broke down and he just took it into shop to get it fixed. When it was done he tells my mom he needs his car now for work. So she paid the bill. We were both needing a place to live after my dad passed away, so we moved in with mom. But I was charged $400 a month for room rental. My brother was set up in living room so he did not have to pay? Whenever my mom needed work done on her house my brother would charge her full price because it was his livelihood being a handyman. When we had family get togethers I was always picked on for something. I was also told not to bring u things that hurt me as it would cause family problems.
Sadly, my brother passed in 2007 at my mom's home.
Well in 2015 on Xmas eve mom falls and breaks hip. She has needed home care ever since. I was in-between my moms & hubbys home for 4 years.
In March of 2016.. I took a fall at work & I had a knee brace on & a walker so when I went to see my mom at a rehab facility...
she says to me, "OMG I can not believe you come here like this
looking for sympathy !!! I was so shocked & hurt even more that she would say that to me.
I had to have my knee replaced & nephew was going to come help my mom for me. Well, nephew decides to go camping the Friday before my surgery on that Monday. I get put of Hospital on that Wednesday. . Nephew returns that Friday. Leaving my mom alone for days. Then nephew says to mom I did not sign up for this & he splits... We find out he also took $900 cash from mom's stash & pain medication. He tells his wife they were old pills. Mom does nothing about it. She expected me to still come help her .. did not care about my knee at all. It just never stops. In 2017 mom
falls & breaks other hip. In 2017 she has a stroke one morning as soon as I get home from work.
I have tried to talk to mom about her family trust & now it goes to my nephews & me. I did ask if maybe she could compensate me for all of the in home care I did when she needed 24/7 care. My husband retired in 2016. I still work 3-4 nights @ 12 hours a shift at Hospital.
We finally bought our home in 2019 & mom too. Packing up her house was so hard for me, mom did not help. This move did me in. My husband helped me. Since the move mom tells me she has done enough over the years & refuses to help out. We will not mention that mom has never stuck up for me ever.
Now nephew & family (6 total) come to visit & stay at our house. After Xmas I was told I am very rude??
I told him all I asked for was some help.
I am exhausted. I never get that break. now with Covid it makes things worse..we're all stuck at home...My work has become a pleasure trip! That's really sad.
I try to explain to mom how I feel but it never sinks in! She expects me to do it all. My nephew takes advantage of me and I am so hurt and disrespected!!

It seems that this has gone on for many years and that you have allowed it. You still are allowing family to abuse and use you. The habits we form when we are raised in a toxic family environment are not easy to break. I would encourage you to seek help with a good psychologist for counseling on how to step away from abusive situations. How to learn to eliminate from your life those people who use and abuse you. How we treat others and what treatment we accept from them becomes a "contract" of sorts. In your case the contract reads "I, Lezli, agree to enter into contract with Mom and Family. I will be the abuse-ee and they will do the abuse. " When you choose, after help, to walk away you will be considered by your family the "bad one", the one who broke the contract. But at the same time you will be free.
We have two chances at a good family. The one we are born into and the one we make. You lost the lottery on the one you were born into, and I am so sorry for that. But in order not to pass forth a cycle of abuse generationally you will have to work hard for the family you are making with your hubby. It will be hard work, and mean many changes. Change is hard; sometime accepting the same-old, even when it's bad, is easier. Please get help. I so wish you the very best of luck.

I will add: "Forgive and Forget" applies to situations in which the offender apologizes and does not abuse you again.

What you are experiencing is chronic, long-term, umremitting abuse. No one in your family changes their behavior, so you need to change yours.

Your family won't walk all over you unless you lie down. Stop explaining yourself to people who neither deserve nor accept any explanation you offer. Perhaps it's time to cut ties with your family and get on with your life and devote your energy to your marriage. You may want to find online therapy to sort through your family issues.

Just because your mother "expects" you to do something doesn't mean you need to do it.

You are an adult. Do what pleases YOU and what is best for you, your husband and children.

In your shoes, I would move FAR away from these grifters.

Does Mom live with you? If so maybe time for her to find another place to live. Seems girls are second class citizens to your family.

You may want to broach the subject that now that DHs retired you don't have the money coming in u used to. Because she refuses to contribute, she will need to find another place to live. Have a list of what is available.

Look up Narcissist and see if Mom fits that discription. Did brother have that tendency. It runs in families. You happen to be the child that has empathy. You owe ur Mom nothing. You have done what you can for her. And forgiving...that won't happen until you break away. No contact. Forgiving is for you. You forgive because you realize it wasn't you it was them. You will never forget. Narcissism is a personality disorder. It can't be cured because the Narcissist doesn't think they are at fault so won't go for help.

If Mom lives on her own, keep it that way. Don't move her in. Its going to be hard, you either break away from the abuse or you set boundries, which will be hard. You will never win with this woman. Don't keep trying to find love where there isn't any. They din't know how to love anyone but themselves. Believe me, there are a lot of people on this site with at least one Narcissist parent. It took some years before they got up the nerve to leave.

I had to arrive at an uncomfortable truth. My family never liked me and used me all my life. Lying, manipulation and gaslighting are their way to get freebies from me. Never seeing them again.

It took me a while to get to the point of starting to forgive them. The rage and bitterness was taking over my life. There’s lots of good information online on how to deal with this to make your life happy.

I don’t forget what they’ve done. Atrocious behavior - I feel like a dog they’ve kicked around.

Time to honestly ask yourself why you’re still helping a person who is mean, rude, and disrespectful toward you? Being your mother isn’t enough of a reason. And don’t let the nephew back in your home, you know what he is. When people show you who they are, believe them. I wish you peace

It sounds like you're just venting here and you have the right to do that. I don't see a question. But let me say something about “forgive and forget”. Forgiving is possible but forgetting is not. Sure you can forget where you placed your keys or a conversation you had with someone, but you will never forget a negative experience in your life. You may be able to ignore its effect on you but you can't forget it. Forgiveness on the other hand is something a person does for themselves. Forgiving someone doesn't change the other person but it could change the forgiver. Forgiveness isn't about forgetting nor does it mean reconciliation. Forgiveness simply means you don't carry a grudge. Holding a grudge can be disabling. Forgive and move on.

I'm not suggesting you forgive, that's up to you. I would suggest you find mom another place to live, assisted living for example. You can't continue the current living situation.

Have you seen the will that has the estate split between you and your nephews? Who is to be the executor/executrix of the will?

You are still working a full workweek in a hospital and have health problems?

Time to stop helping your mother.

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