Thank you all, you don't know how much this forum helped me. My sister and I left the hospital last night around 8:30. The attending nurse said her vital signs looked good, it would take a few days. My sister called the nursing station at around 7:15 this morning and they told her no changes. Sis came got to my house around 7:40. I got the call at 7:45 that mom had passed. Mom was on comfort care only, so I know she wasn't in pain. In a way, it was a blessing, not sure I could watch her take her last breath. Mom was out of it since yesterday. I haven't had a truly good night's sleep in 12 days. I had so many concerns for her, could I change a colostomy bag? could I keep her comfortable? do I have to sell her house to pay for her care? will she rehab enough to be able to take her home with me? did I care for her well enough? Those questions went away today. All that's left is to settle her remaining loose ends. Pay her bills, sell the house, etc... BIL made all the funeral arrangements. Mom left her wishes well known to us. Only a small gathering of remaining family like my dad (maybe 6). She will be interned next to her husband of 65 years. May she rest in peace and see my dad again. I'm OK right now, no need for sympathy. Save your strength for your struggles. I'm probably going to lurk here for a while to see if I can be of any help. Everybody's situation is different, I can only offer possible solutions or suggestions that I have some experience with. Ultimately we all must make our own decisions, I don't have any answers for you. Peace all.
I too lost my 91 year old mother with Dementia, on August 26th. I had finally decided to get her into memory care as I could no longer provide her with complete care. She was hospitalized for three days first, and then to the memory care. They wouldn't allow visitors at the hospital, so I saw her at the facility, and she was so out of it. Only one of the days did she seem to know me and smiled. She kissed me back when I kissed her.
The night before she passed they called at 12:30 AM and said she wasn't doing well. I asked them to call me back if there was a change. At 5:30 AM they called to say that she had not improved and they didn't know how long she would last, so I went there immediately. She was on oxygen and totally unresponsive. I sat with her, holding her hand, for six hours. I told her how much I loved her and that if she was ready to go, that it was okay. I then left to get lunch.
The facility called shortly thereafter to say they were sending her to the hospital. They called me then from the ER. She had a DNR/POLST, so they wanted to send her back to the facility, but as the doctor was talking with me, he said she just passed - no pulse and no heartbeat. I saw in this very place, that sometimes they wait until the family leaves before they "let go".
We had the Neptune Society, so I called them and they took care of everything. I was just glad that she was not in any pain and no longer suffering. Although I am very sad and miss her terribly, I did not cry. Is that bad?
My mom peacefully passed in her sleep a few years ago. This forum saved my life (I didn't have a wonderful siblings). I still lurk as a way to give back.
May sweet memories of your mother bring peace to you all.
Thank you and Blessings
I am so sorry for your loss
My thoughts and prayers are with you in this difficult time.
-Bevel
But very grateful that her hard trial is over and she is no longer suffering.
I don't know you but you sound like a wonderful, caring, understanding, loving daughter and I hope you realize that. I'm sure your mom did. Again, without even knowing you or her, I can tell a lot about a person.
I bet you feel relieved and a bit in shock right now.
If you need someone to talk to or just to listen, please know you can count on me.
It is comforting to you I'm sure to know that now your mom and dad are back together where they belong.
I pray that God will give you His peace and comfort in the days, weeks and months ahead.
I just want to tell you that your mom left a living legacy in her children. I hope you honor that and take good care of yourself. Caregiving can be so overwhelming that we sometimes don’t check in with ourselves to see how we are doing. So take extreme care of you and be careful. Wishing you and your family a peaceful and bonding service for your mom.