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Wow, my heart breaks for you. I took care of my mom with Parkinson’s disease for nearly 15 years in my home. Many years before that in her home along with taking care of my dad too. It’s hard, very hard.

My mom uses a walker too. She had many falls. The fire department had to help. There were ER trips, etc. I was doing it all alone also. It takes it’s toll on us and certainly on our moms as well. They have lost their independence. I empathize with that.

Anyway, the mother/daughter relationship changes after we start full time care for them. It truly does. There is too much togetherness for one thing which causes friction. It’s natural to get on each other’s nerves, say things that we don’t mean and so forth.

The caregiver runs the risk of burning out which I did. I didn’t even recognize fully that I was burning out. I kept thinking that I needed to do better because of mom’s growing complaints. It happens gradually.

Our moms still think of us as their ‘little girls’ and don’t necessarily want us to tell them what to do in spite of them being fully dependent on us. It is complicated. Emotions get jumbled up, essentially becoming frustrating to the mom and daughter.

So don’t beat yourself up about this.

My mom became an instigator and stirred up crap between my siblings and me. I couldn’t take anymore and told my brother that if the only thing he could do was criticize me and he felt that he could do better than he could take a turn with caring for mom. I told mom to go with him. It became too much for me to do. I did way more than my share alone. So she is now with my brother and sister in law until they place her in a facility.

My mom did rehab in a nursing home. She did home health several times that included occupational and physical therapy. She did improve some but Parkinson’s is a progressive disease and at nearly 94 years old she is going to keep declining.

The challenges get harder and harder. Still, you have it worse with your mom being wheelchair bound. My mom kept saying that she will end up in a wheelchair. I discussed it with her doctors and both the primary care doctor and her neurologist said it would not be in her best interest to use a wheelchair.

Sometimes the elderly get so tired emotionally and physically that they simply want to give up. My mom was ready to be with my father in heaven. I can’t say that I blame her. What is the point of a long life without a good quality of life?

I wish things had not ended the way that they did but also realize that not all of us have the ‘happy ending’ that we’d like and I am learning to heal my head and heart in therapy.

I am not close with my brothers for a variety of reasons. I tried many times but we don’t have the power to change certain situations. I no longer have a relationship with mom either. It’s sad. It’s difficult to grieve for someone that isn’t even dead. There isn’t closure.

People on this forum have been incredibly kind and supportive and I appreciate it tremendously.

Please don’t burn out like I did. I wish you the very best and hope things get better for your mom as well.

Vent here anytime. We care. Many, many hugs for you.
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thank you
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Before she was bedridden/wheelchair bound, she could walk around with a walker pretty well. But she started having a lot of falls toward the end. I believe that with each fall, it made her less confident about walking and with less confidence she fell more and more. I was also there for this, with her. My mom is 5'10 and weighs around 230. I could not help her off the floor whenever she fell, so I called the fire department each time to get her up. The last fall she took she knocked her head hard on the floor. I took her to the ER, they said they couldn't give her an MRI in the ER, so she would have to go see her doctor. But all tests they ran looked alright and they released her. And after that she was still able to walk with a walker. However, she laid in bed more and didn't get up. And that in itself made her weak. One day, she just stopped walking. It seemed as if she couldn't walk anymore at all. She couldn't dress herself anymore. And she couldn't get up to go to the bathroom. I was so clueless during that time because I had no idea what to do. My mom could do everything for herself for the most part. I did laundry for her and cooked, but all personal stuff was on her. I remember almost carrying my mom to the bathroom as she was peeing. And lifting her out of bed when she finally got a commode. And also putting a diaper on her the first time. I was so clueless. But I was the one that was there.

So... she went for her Doctor's appointment, the Dr. set her up with a neurologist. And 3 months later, (because they're always so booked up), the neurologist ran some tests on her, basically tells her there isn't much he can do for her. Refers her to see a neurosurgeon. A few more months later, neurosurgeon says she may can help since the culprit is my mom has spinal stenosis and it could help her.

During all this back and forth, the Dr. ordered physical therapy for her NUMEROUS times. I can't tell you how many came in and out. A lot. My mom would do the exercises with them, but then completely stopped after they left due to the insurance time running out.

She has also been in nursing homes before as well, where she received physical therapy for up to a month. I remember her doing this 3 times. The one where she had physical therapy for 1 month, also taught me how to take care of her. And that's where she got the best therapy. But still, she did not do the basic exercises. I remember pleading with my mom to do it, and she insisted that I must be there to do it with her, but all the exercises were for her alone. I did the basic stuff. Helped her stretch out, and reposition, but the rest was on her and she didn't do it.

I know the way I typed it I made it seem like it was a one time thing, but she has had numerous physical therapists. And they basically all say the same thing, that they can only do so much. And that she probably needed a more intensive physical therapist facility. But that to qualify for that she has to be able to do basic care for herself and she cannot.

BTW, she also had neck surgery from the neurosurgeon, but again, nothing came of that. It didn't help her legs.

Anyway, I typed a book. Sorry.
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Can I just ask: was there any particular illness, injury or event that put your mother in a wheelchair five years ago? When she was prescribed the PT, who prescribed it and what was it for, specifically?
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Hugs.

You've given us a lot to think about, but I just wanted to send you a hug in advance of responding.
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