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Coffeemaid, it sounds to me like your mother's condition is too advanced for AL and she needs to be in a nursing home where there are staff 24/7. I cared for my mother ("Mommie Dearest" - ever see that movie?) in her home for almost four years (parkinsons, strokes and dementia) until she deteriorated to the point I could no longer manage alone. She refused to use a walker, was always falling and after a particularly bad fall in the middle of the night she went to hospital and, after a month there, was transferred to a lovely nursing home.

She's been there almost 3 years now, has refused to interact with other residents or attend any activities. The people are rotten, the food is horrible, the staff don't run immediately she wants something, they hurt her and she's in jail. All totally untrue, just trying to create drama and get attention. The daily screaming, ranting and raving down the phone driving me close to a nervous breakdown (blacked out briefly doing 85 in my truck) made me eventually change my number and make it unlisted.

Close to 90 now, barely able to speak, either in bed or a wheelchair, her mind is away with the fairies and she frequently undoes her seat belt and tries to get out of the wheelchair or bed by herself, ending up on the floor which often means a trip to the ER by ambulance for stitches.

My blood pressure is high and my doctor has ordered me to stay away from her for a while to see if it goes down. The NH calls me, often several times in a row, when something occurs and, frankly, as the day winds down I take my phone off the hook until the next morning. The staff are professionals and the ER is not even ten minutes away so what do they want from me at 2 a.m.? After a lifetime of hell from this woman I must take care of my own health.

After months of discussions, telling her it was time and that it was going to happen, we dropped my 94-year old MIL with dementia at her "new place" (Assisted Living) yesterday afternoon. (Yes, she had visited and had lunch there, and agreed it was nice.) She was not at all happy about it, but said she would spend one night and go home the next day. We left quickly, as we had been advised to do, and drove the 100 miles back to our home.
This morning, not even 18 hours after we'd left her there, the AL called and said she was threatening staff and threatening to leave, and could we have some family come and calm her down? We'd been told we should let her "settle in", and not give her any "outs"...and that her care level was a 4 out of 10. Now they reversed themselves (on the FIRST morning) and said she may be more than they can handle.
Well, duh. We told them that this was a dementia-based, POA admittance, and that she was mean as a snake. My response to their statement that she was threatening to leave was, "Well, how far do you think she'll get?" She's a fragile 94 years old, has no clue where she is, and home is 100 miles away. While I am sorry for her distress, and the scene she's created at the home among other residents, I'm so irritated that we've been called already. We told them this was not going to be a pretty transition, and were assured that they saw this sort of thing often and had the skills to deal with it.
She has barged into neighbors' rooms four times, they said. Again, duh. She doesn't even remember where the elevator is yet. SHE HAS DEMENTIA. We warned them. We were repeatedly reassured that it would be fine.
We are so fried and damaged from dealing with her for so many years and two really intensely hurtful ones that, if this doesn't work out, we have to get her into a nursing home. It may mean I'll have to close my business and go live with her until we can find a place. I can't send her son, or he will just cave in to her tantrum and bring her home again.
I understand the AL's legal requirements to say she's disruptive, but why not give it more than 24 hours? This is her cycle -- midmorning craziness -- AND they let her have caffeine, which makes her nuts, in spite of my writing on her form that hey should NOT let her have caffeine or alcohol.
aargh. Send prayers, please. And no troll comments that make me look like the bad guy here, because I am and have been trying to do the best thing for this woman, who never had a nice thing to say me, for years now, at the emotional exoense of neglecting my own family.

She has been there for 3 weeks tomorrow. She is 89 and feisty old gal. She has advancing Alzheimers Disease and says she hates the place, doesn't want to live with a bunch of old ladies who forget what they say 2 minutes after they say it. The place is lovely and she doesn't want to do anything there. When she lived alone, she slept most of the day and was doing all kinds of dangerous things.
They tried to put a GPS watch on her that will sound an alarm if she exits the building, but she wouldn't let them.
I hate to think of her being so unhappy, but it is a matter of her safety. I am wondering if my sisters (I live in another state) should curtail visits for a week or two and let her acclimate. When she knows they are coming, she starts packing!

Tell us more!
Dad joked, calling it the 'institution' & the residents 'imates' - they all did, laughing around the dinner table.
How long has she been there? Does she socialize or isolate herself?

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