My mom has changed since my dad died...

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Hi, has my mom really changed? My dad died 3 years ago and my mom suffered a lot. We moved to another country then she stopped talking to me and my brother. And if it isn't enough she drinks every time her "boy friend" brings home some money. She used to talk with me all the days. Why does she avoid it now? Do I have to leave her forever?

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And things are worse than people might think. It's hard for me to explain everything.

It's even funny to be in this situation, I mean it's hard to believe that such things happens in a country like Poland.
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Would boarding with another family be such a bad thing? Maybe some arrangement could be made for you to live with a foster family during the week, during term times, and return to your mother at weekends and during the holidays.

But in any case, even if it is full-time for the next couple of years or nothing, it's not like they wouldn't let you see or speak to your mother. Again, you're sixteen - you know how to use phones and the internet, you're not helpless. If it didn't work, you're old enough to leave and return to your mother's home if you want to. They couldn't stop you if they wanted to (and they wouldn't want to!).

You need some structure to your life, some training, some progress, a chance to make friends and gain qualifications. This is crazy!

Besides. Maybe the prospect that things are happening and change is going to come whether she takes charge or not might wake your mother up a bit, no?
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I called them several times, they keep saying the same things.

If my mom don't go with me then they won't help us. They can't just let me go to school knowing that my mom is drinking and keeping me in a house where you can't even live. They would probably say to go in some family house, and, that's fine I can go, but only if my mom comes with me. As I said she don't care about me, never happened to see some of my old friends in this situation. What I will do is to wait until things changes, seems to be a bad idea but like I said, if my mom don't do something then nothing will ever change.
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No. You won't learn Polish if you don't go to school...

And if nobody knows that you want to go to school...

They can't very well help you get a place at school, can they?

You can ring social services and check before you say anything that the call will be confidential. After all, you don't have to give your name until you're sure about that. If you know enough Polish to ask if they can offer you an Italian interpreter, do that.

Are you near any big towns or cities?

Your mother may be afraid that she will be in serious trouble for not placing your brother and you in schools over the last years. Normally, I'd say so she should be! But given that she was widowed, made homeless, and everything else that has happened then no. She won't be in trouble. They may shake their heads and say she should have got help earlier, but they're not going to make things worse for her now. Anyway - how much worse could they be?
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By the way yes, I'm a native Italian speaker, and no, I don't speak Polish if I don't go to a school and learn it.
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Countrymouse, you are right I'm frozen. And yeah, I wish I could leave but at the same time I'm afraid of a big change. I know her, and if she don't needs to change she won't do it just for me. Talking would make her feel a bad mom, it means she will drink more. I know we can't just sit hoping someone will notice us, but I know too that it's impossible for me to do it. I need to go to school and live my life, what I will do when it comes to my life? No education means no work. And here we are stuck, the problem is to seek for help when my mom don't want to, and where I can't just go asking for it to strangers.
I just need to think about that, in order to find an answer to my question, anyway thanks for your help, it means a lot to me.
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Tablebutable.

1. I repeat. That is NOT TRUE. Social workers do not set out to break up families or punish anybody or make people unhappy. In any case, you are sixteen - you're not a small child in immediate danger, they're not going to take you away to a foster home. You are a young person, becoming an adult, who is entitled to advice, information and help.

2. Think this through. You say you wish you could leave. Then you recognise that you are afraid of being taken away from your mother. What does this mean? What does it add up to?

3. It means that you are in a situation where you are just *afraid* all the time. You are hating what is happening around you, but you are afraid of what might happen if you try to change it.

4. That leaves you completely frozen and stuck. It also means, when I look at it from the outside, that a young man of sixteen is living in fear and grief when what he needs is help and opportunities.

Your mother needs help too. I've already said that I can't blame her, I dread to think what she has been through. But the one thing that will definitely NOT help any of you is to sit there and do nothing.

Your English is extremely good. Are you a native Italian speaker? But how do you get on with Polish, are you bi-lingual or is it difficult for you?
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It didn't worked, she always sais that if I tell someone what is happening then they will take me away from her. I'm afraid of that cause I love her and I don't want to cause her more problems.
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Countrymouse I'm not worried, I'm a Polish citizen born in Italy. What it says on my ID is that I'm a a polish citizen. I need to be 18 to become an Italian citizen.
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No. You lost three important years of childhood because of terrible things that have happened to all of you.

I mean, you can if you like blame your mother, and you can try to force her to wake up and get a job - how's that been working for you, by the way? - but neither of these things is likely to produce any good effect.

What schools are there in your area? Have you thought of going on your own to register with one?
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