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She has become vindictive, controlling and generally nasty, then minutes later or the next day she appears as though nothing has happened. Days later she again will upcast and verbally get her nasty points across once again starting the argument. She won’t spend much on her clothing yet has more than enough money to do this. Mam has also taken it upon herself to be nasty about my son and his fiancé calling her “She” if I allow her to get away with it.

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Lincoln, when was the last time your Mom has had a test for a Urinary Tract Infection? Such an infection in an older person will make them angry, disrespectful and bitter, among other things. The test is simple, your Mom's primary doctor can do the test in his/her office, or you can take Mom to urgent care. Antibiotics are prescribed to get rid of the tract infection.

If there is no infection, then it is your Mom's Alzheimer's/Dementia [as per your profile] that is causing this behavior. Have a chat with Mom's primary doctor to see if there is something he/she can prescribe to help.
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Your profile says Mam has dementia, unfortunately the behaviours you describe can be part of the disease.

She may not have the capacity to remember your dil to be’s Name.

I had a neighbour who after a stroke could not differentiate between males and female. Her brain was broken.

Yet she could still play bridge for several more years.
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