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My grandmother has lived in the same house for over 50 years. At 97 she is not in good shape. Friday I called to set up an appt for her podiatrist so I called her and no one picked up, same Saturday so I went to her house and found her just confused. I told her she needs to get to a hospital ASAP, she refused. I pleaded and tried to reason why she needs to go still im not going. after a while I finally called 911 and the paramedics came they as well as me tried to get her to get to a hospital and she still refused her blood pressure was very high when paramedics took her blood pressure but she still won't go. I then again pleaded you are in a dangerous state even offered to call her primary doctor she still refused. I told her I don't what to do I'm the only one that looks after her after my mom passed away suddenly in 2012. I take her to her doctor appts, do her food shopping and picking up her prescriptions. This isn't the first time she hasn't listened when my mom was alive she suggested her to moved into a senior kind of facility and got furious with my mom. I'm not married but I work full time and live 30 mins away it has been a burden the last two years. She just won't give anything up even cars she bought a car at 91 and never drives it and has an older car that sits there in the driveway a local mechanic offered to take it she refused. I don't understand how a person can be stubborn. It's heartbreaking I want to suggest she gets a caregiver but that won't happen she has other family but when they call she hangs up on them. I'm at the end of my rope I don't know what else to do. I go back to work on Monday and she needs medical care but just won't and refuses the help given. Please give me some advice quick

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Today I didn't visit till late because I had to get to get into work earlier the hospital was contacting me all day so I after I got off I drove a hour down to the hospital and out she was discharged but into the rehab center so I visited for a hour I will return tomorrow but its only the beginning
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@barb Brooklyn
I'll be off Friday I can't take a day off. I did get reprimanded for being late today since I visited my grandmother at the hospital I work as a chef well honestly any job ain't sympathetic if you are visiting a relative in the hospital. I just am 4,weeks in to the new job of course I'm on probation period for 90 days the usual stuff. I mean to that I had to go by her house to check the mail. The rehab place is going to happen I been communicating with the social worker from the hospital.I also did talk to a lawyer on getting a power of attorney on her behalf so I can at least take care of the bills its gonna be a tough couple of months but will work out in the end.
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Coneal , can you take a day off work to look at the rehabs? You want to have a choice lined up asap.

Make sure that you arrange for the hospital to do the transport from one facility to the other.

Once she's in rehab, Medicare will generally pay the first 20 days in full. After that, there's a charge of something like $160 per day unless she's got a Medigap or supplementary plan.
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So I went this morning to visit before work still a lot of confusion talk and they took her to the ultrasound also I spoke with another social worker besides the head of physical therapy all suggested when she gets out is to get into a rehab center I have to look at all the places they recommended. This is a good option and she will have proper bathing, not have to go up a flight of stairs at her house and they will give her proper meals of course 3 times a day instead of her sending me to the store buying some unhealthy stuff.and to make sure she does take all of her medications that her doctors have provided.as for me I will take care of the house paying the bills,cleaning but I will have to get a poa so far today I paid the remainder of her water bill so that balance is zero until the next term everything is starting to gel together but she cannot come back home to where everything is normal
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@chdottir
I agree with everyone in this post and the hospital too 100% she needs a caregiver.
yes I did talk to a social worker there and I also called the county one where she lives I never heard back from them. but i'll work with what the hospital has to offer that may be my better end of the stick to be honest I dunno if she will embrace the new changes coming but she needs to take that in all regards. I can only do so much when I visit go do her food shopping, picking up prescriptions, taking her to doctor appts. I have done a lot after my mom passed. another thing I will have to work is dealing with her finances such as paying the property tax,gas,water,electric.phone bill and pay off the qvc account. I will have to apply for POA. even today with her talking to me she was feisty she fears some laywers will buy her house because they have sent letters in interest they wanna buy the property since its across from the county court house, and how her diabetic doctor saved her from doing jury duty and how she wants to remain independent after all of this. she cant be or this will occur on a weekly basis this puts more stress on me. I have high blood pressure but am taking medications to control it. from traveling from my place to there and my job that's an hour away. im doing the best to my ability but it is overwhelming. i'll have to take care of stuff tomorrow but i'll be communicating with the hospital.
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It sounds like you are doing your very best. Was the social services you called part of the hospital? Hospitals usually have a social worker to help with this sort of thing, just in case that isn't who you called.

I agree with everyone else that you need to make it clear there is nobody at her home who can help her.

She sounds super feisty (a nice term for difficult and stubborn). Good luck and keep us posted.
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I went back today for a visit so the physical therapist wanted her to walk and she put up a fight with her she refused to wear the socks for walking and just hated to use the walker she insisted on the cane so much and trying to rip her heart monitor off they were possibly wanting to release her today but in my option that's a bad ideal she will be by herself and I'm at work a hour away I did call social services but have not heard back. The doctors there are good they are going to work with me on getting her a assisted nurse to come because she will 100% need that and I'll be there too when my days off come too.
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Rehab will be a great idea after hospital discharge. You'll get a better handle on how much care she needs.
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Coneal
I’m so glad your GM is getting help. If she stays in the hospital as a patient ( not just observation) for three nights she will qualify for rehab. She will need that to build her strength back. Don’t bring her home. Tell the hospital she has no one at home to care for her. That will give you some time to get things in order before she does come home.
Keep us updated on how she is doing.
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@buzzybee I stayed with her the whole time other than running to her house to get some clothes and shoes and her cane she had no clothes on going there. and when she eventually gets discharged I'll be there to take her back home. we will have to work on at home arraingments when I work. but i'll be there even on my days off.
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@joann29 I know this is going to be confusing but we did rewrite her will 5 years ago she left everything to my mom but she passed in 2012. so now if something was to happen to her I get the house and everything else. I know we had briefly talked about when her time goes to leave this world but she wants me to plan it out. it was tough planning my moms funeral I did cremation keeping the urn over burial.
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update: I went back to her house today she was laying on the floor confused holding a battery and bobby pin. and urinated on the rug. I immediately went to call 911 and she went to the hospital it seems her condition can be a urinary tract infection in causing why she was confused she knows her birth date and that she was a teacher for 40 years and remembered my bday. she still had confusion she thought I had flown in from another state on a plane and even thinking she can go home which she cannot.also the high blood pressure and rapid heart rate is still unexplained. the police officer in the town suggested to me to get social services to have a in house caregiver to prepare meals and bathe her and to clean the house I clean when im there but she has a obsession of buying a million things from qvc some stuff still sitting in boxes that are unopened. So I will have to take that stuff out store it in a garage. she ate very little in the hospital just a bite of chicken and lil unsweetened iced tea.
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Don't promise. Just had a discussion on this. You promise then u have to live with guilt that you didn't do enough.

Your GM is 97. Maybe she just wants to be left alone. Do u have POA? The only way u will get her to the hospital is if she in unconsious or cannot make informed decisions, like with Dementia. If you haven't discussed with her end of life wants, maybe you should. Get a DNR in place if she wants it. You can explain that u love her and are concerned. Could she please allow you to take her at least to the doctor.
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My oldies felt safe if they kept all their stuff. It was like a security blanket for them. There will be time after they have gone to 'clear out'.

My MIL refused to go to the hospital for months. It took a LOT of persuading to get her there. She said "good bye" to all her friends when she was going off in the ambulance. Hospitals are where you go to die. At least that is what she believed. We got to the hospital and she just 'gave up'. She died 3 days later. I truly think she STILL would have died at home. We had the doctors in, constantly, she could not eat. At the time Hubby was working, We had 3 children (one of which was a baby) I was at the hospital twice a day, waking up the kitchen because she thought she could eat an ice cream. She had 1 teaspoon. The doctors and nurses looked after her with great understanding.

If you absolutely PROMISE that you will stay with her AND PROMISE you will bring her back home after the appointment (No matter what they find) she may let you take her.  If they cannot persuade her to stay then you will have to keep your word.

It is not going to be easy.
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I can hear how much you love your grandma. It's very sad when people are loved and they don't listen to the concerns of those around them.

Infortunately, as long as your grandma is still a legally competent adult, she can refuse care.

Have you tried asking her to get checked out because it will help YOU out? Because you're so worried, and big she falls ill during the work week, you'll lose your job if you have to leave?

Or, Grandma, tell me what you think might happen if you went to the doctor? What's the thing you fear him telling you? (Often elders seem to think that doctors can declare them incompetent on the spot and commit them to an asylum then and there). Find out what she fears.

Good luck, and tell us how this works out. We care.
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