I am not sure if End Of Life is the right category for this, but here we go.
My Grandma has been living in her house until 2 Christmases ago when she had her big stroke. It was her only house, built in 1950 and she had lived in it since it was built. Lots of beautiful memories there. A Christmas tree in the corner of the sunroom every year since 1950. Isn't that amazing?? I think so!
But anyway her health had been pretty bad for years with spinal stenosis and lots and lots of falls, breaking her teeth falling, her hips, her wrists, etc. We think she had some mini strokes, I'm not sure as I don't have all the details from her Dr and my uncle. Stairlift and lots of railings installed so that helped for a while, but of course she resisted her walker, hated that thing. It maybe represented her decline to her. Grandpa died 1997 so she had been living independently since then.
Then her youngest son, my uncle, died unexpectedly about 6 years ago, which really wrecked her emotionally.
Then 2 years ago, after years of decline, falls, financial silliness, general weirdness, eating expired food, firing her housecleaner of 25 years, accusing people of stealing things (my jade necklace! my pearl earrings! my precious this and that! all of it was found later of course), she had a major stroke leaving her paralyzed and somewhat scrambled.
I love her dearly. She was (is!) a wonderful grandmother, and as good a mother as she could be to her 3 sons. But I feel kind of like the person who called the ambulance when she was found betrayed her. I mean, not really. But she's been left in such misery since being "saved".
She's a bit scrambled but mostly very aware of her predicament, which is the worst part! She's not even confused. She knows what happened, and she knows there's no hope. Phantom pain. Real pain. 2 kinds of cancer in her bladder and colon, growing slowly, slowly, but they keep on hurting her. Life in a chair, in a room she hates in a place she hates surrounded by people she hates. Food she hates. Her home sold, her son dead, her life in shambles. Unable to read anymore, can't even control the TV channel to find her favourite program.
Dad and uncle arranged her 7 day a week companionship and care, from a lady and her daughter, who are both fantastic. Really bright girls, lively, and very loving, so that helps.
But still, she said to my dad the other week "I've always been good to everyone. Why did this happen to me? I don't deserve this." And she doesn't, no one does!
I try to be funny about it but in truth I wish she had been allowed to pass away after her stroke. These last 2 years for her have been a prison and a torment and it's not fair. I understand we want to save those we love, but not at all costs, surely?
I worry about end of life. Yes I've read Being Mortal, and honestly it's kind of why I worry about it. I don't want my own parents to end up imprisoned like this.
Thank you for listening. All the best to everyone here.