My Father's Friend or Foe?


When my Father's mental capacity declined I took over his checking account to make his life easier. Now he didnt have worry about paying bills or purchases. Well, I looked over the last three months and found unsual withdrawls. 100, 200 every week somethings 40 six times in one day! We discovered that my father was giving this woman friend of his (more than 20 years his junior) money. She would drive him to the store and he would even buy her food. She took him the pharmacy and he bought her perscriptions too. He said he was just helping her. Thats a good heart but he is on a fixed income and has very little for himself. I dont even take money from my father when offered. His money is stricktly for his care. Well, when I took over the checkbook that had to stop. Well, now the woman visits and leaves with household items. I thought my fathers rather cluttered place was getting uncluttered pretty fast. We again discovered that he was giving her things so she could sell them and make money. These things are in his will to be sold after his passing to help pay for his final arrangements. We confronted her and said nothing leaves the house anymore. We called the police. They are treating it like an elder abuse case. She is clearly taking advantage of my fathers genorosity. He is not thinking clearly and giving her things of sentimental value to the family. My father doesnt understand our suspicions of this person. She is one of those slick sweet talking people. The police want us to seek a "stay away" order. I have never done this before. My father considers this woman a friend we think of her as a foe. This is a sticky situation if he finds out we are going to keep her away. My eldest brother had suggested a stay away order a while ago but we didnt do it because its our fathers friend. But she is cleaning him out! No telling what has left the house in the year and half she has known him. Feedback Please!

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I have a similar situation with my dad. He has a "friend" I've know about him paying for some of her bills for years. (He denies this even though I prove it to him). She is totally taking advantage of his condition. I recently found out that she bullied him into paying for her vacations for the past several years. I can't get him to stop seeing her. I recently turned off her cell phone that my dad had been paying for for several years. She went to his home and was yelling and screaming at him about her phone. My dad didn't even understand what she was talking about. I came upon the argument and asked what she wanted, wouldn't answer me. Asked my dad same question and he thought she was saying that my father had her phone, and she wanted it back. No, she wanted him to start paying for it again.
What is a stay away order? How do I get a freeze on my dad's credit?

eayala8, I'm so glad to hear that this turned out about as well as it sounds like it could! Best of luck to you and your dad.

thank you so much for the suggestions. I did go through with the stay away order. I went to court with letters from three doctors stating how vulnerable and fragile minded my father is. I brought copies of a years worth of bank statements showing each time he went to the ATM. He would take out $100 for himself and then put his card in again to take out $100 for her. This was constant. The police did an analysis of his financials and determined that she took a little over nine thousand dollars from him. Not to mention the twenty five hundred he kept in a drawer plus all the property of his that she sold. I found out she was talking to his doctors behind me. I have a Advanced Medical Directive and POA. I am also trustee. The judge asked me if I talked to this woman about the problems. I said yes but felt she didnt understand and gave me only her life story. She backed me up when it was her turn. She gave the judge her life story and admitted in court that she would "only" take $400 a month from my father! The judge was not happy with her for taking advantage of him. AND when he issued his ruling...the woman didnt understand. The judge had to explain it to her four times. She even interupted the judge and challenged the doctor's letters I submitted. The judge pointed a finger at her warning her to stop and that she had nothing to do with my fathers medical matters. Well, I am happy to say that I won and a one year restraining order was granted. But...the judge said the law says he can not restrain social contact. He let this woman call my father once a week! But I did get the restraining order with is renewable in a year and 65 items that she had taken...some having belonged to my mother. THEN...two days after I wish it happened before so I could show the father received a piece of mail at his address but with that woman's name. She never lived here. IT WAS A CREDIT CARD APPLICATION!!!!!! I did phone that in to the police investigating officer. I have the credit card company investigating how her name was connected with my father's address. I ran all three credit reports. No activity just credit inquiries...which could be offers and or applications. Hard to tell which.
My father seems to understand that she took advantage of him. He doesnt want to talk to her....thankfully. He is claiming the right not to answer his phone. He is not happy about the mail which seemed to convince him that she was doing something illegal.
I will follow through on your other suggestions! Thank you!

It sounds like you have taken many of the necessary, preliminary steps. However, here are some additional steps I would recommend:

1) Put a freeze on your father's credit, if one is not in place already. This will prevent the woman from being able to convince your father to co-sign on any loans, credit cards, etc. You should do this with each of the three credit bureaus (TransUnion, Equifax, and Experian).

2) I would recommend proceeding with the stay away order. Is your father going to be angry? Yes. But would you rather have him angry or cleaned out?

3) It sounds like your dad might be in need of more socialization if he is so susceptible to her. Elderly people are often very lonely. I think you can soften the blow of the stay away order by making sure that your dad is getting plenty of interaction with other people at a local senior's center, book club, or other such activity.

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