My brothers are bleeding my cognitively intact (but soft hearted) mother dry. Any advice?


I do cares and will likely end up financially responsible for her.

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Where do you care for your Mom? In her home or in your home? Who has DPOA for finances for your Mom? Who has POA for Healthcare for your Mom? In what way will you be "financially responsible for her"? Guestshopadmin brings up a good point about Medicaid sees gifting to family members for a "look-back" period of 5 YEARS from the DATE OF APPLICATION. If there is a paper trail of money being giving to family members, then Medicaid can deny paying for your Mom's care until the amount of money "gifted" has been "returned" to your Mom or to Medicaid or the facility.

My cousins managed to sweet talk our grandmother and her brother in giving them $100,000+ over a 10 year period. Once my father retired and started spending several days a week out on the family farm with grandma, then grandma decreased the amount she was giving my cousins. Unfortunately, my cousins then concentrated on grandma's 90 year old brother who gave them money, used cars, houses or mobile homes to live in, etc.

It might help to visit a Elder Law attorney and see what they suggest, especially if you "will likely end up financially responsible for her".

I’ve been down this road myself. A brother, his wife and children took thousands of dollars from mother. Children stole my identity and ran up thousands in credit card and loans. Your mother will have realize what they are doing. My brother had POA. I went to court and gave the info and got POA myself. My Mom finally realized what he had done when she had to give up some luxuries she wanted. I hope you can find a way to make hr realize what is going on.

So why are you going to be the one financially responsible for her? Let her be THEIR responsibility.

(I hope "my financial responsibility" doesn't mean you will have to move her in with you...)

You might try explaining to your mother that if she needs a higher level of assisted living or nursing home care that she wants to have subsidized by Medicaid: Mom won't be eligible for it if Medicaid sees gifting to family members for a "look-back" period of 5 YEARS from the DATE OF APPLICATION. That information can be an eye opener.

I'm sorry to hear this--and it happens all the time.

Are you close to mom and can have a real heart to heart with her and explain that she is not an ATM for her kids?
However, if she competent, she can do as she pleases with her money. Sadly, my mom went through this with my oldest brother and he ended up stealing over $200K in money, coin collections, silverware, pretty much everything of value. Mom and dad were nearly destitute when another brother took them in and forbade the "thief" access to my folks. Mom still gave him money monthly, but she was limited. Seriously, in their old age (dad passed 13 years ago) they were as poor as when they were newlyweds. W/O family, they would have been indigent.

This kind of thing happens over and over. I don't know how you can stop them from bleeding her out if she won't stand up to them.

You could consult a lawyer and see what your rights are, but again, if she's competent, there isn't a whole lot you can do.

Others will have better answers. I know that through my brother's actions, our family became very fractured. Sad, mother loved her Golden Boy so much, and he took advantage of that.

"Anybodyout there?" Yep, lots and lots of us.