My bil is the primary caregiver for my mil. My husband and I live next door so I help out alot. My mil has dementia and cannot be left alone. My husband works 14 to 16 hours a day and is so stressed from his job that he has a hard time dealing with my stress.. My problem is I feel like my bil takes advantage of the fact that I will help take care of his mother. For instance, he made plans to go out of town for 3 days. The day before he left he sits me down and starts giving me instructions for caring for his mom. Without even asking me!!!! When my husband got involved and told him I had a problem about not being asked he became very vocal and rude to my husband. When he came back from the trip he was very rude to me. There was another instance when I told my bil and mil that I had to take my cat to the vet to be put down the following day. My brother in law says Oh, I have to go to the dentist tomorrow, are you going to be around? I had that cat for 16 years it was a heart wrenching decision to have her put down. I don't know if he just didn't hear what I said or what. I don't know how to put this all in words. I just feel soooo stressed. It's so hard to see my mil in this condition. She can't remember one minute to the next and drives us all nuts asking the same questions over and over. Dealing with her and my bil is taking a toll on my health. My blood pressure is too high.
I am having horrible thoughts. About 20 years ago I was the one who had to make all the arrangements for my mothers care. She had Ms and severe depression. She made suicidal threats all the time and hit me with emotional blackmail. That was really hard on me and I had an enormous amount of guilt.
This situation with my brother in law and mil is bringing back all those emotions I felt with my own mother. I just don't know how to deal with it. HELP!!!