I saw a video of someone on anguish because his mom didn't remember him. Oh, I've been there. Dementia sucks. As hard as it is on the loved ones just imagine how much harder it is for the person suffering from dementia. Not knowing me at times really didn't bother me as much as the fact that I just wanted her to not be anxious, so I just learned to go with the flow, let her be wherever/whoever she was at that moment, tried to redirect her when she was anxious, and not distress her by trying to make her remember. You can see in their eyes they don't remember, and that has to be terrifying for them. You know that terrible feeling you get when you've "misplaced" something, only to find it in your hand/purse/on top of your head? Just imagine that being your unrelenting reality every moment. And as they say, even if they don't remember you, you still know who they are. Hold onto that and honor it. My Mom didn't always know who I was. But I stayed by her side and tried to make her feel as safe and as loved as I possibly could. I traded roles throughout the day, sometimes I would be her daughter, her mother, her sister, her friend, her nurse, or sometimes just a bad cook who needed to be told so. Other times she would know me, and those moments were great. The 10 years I spent caring for her were such a blessing for me. Yes, difficult in so many ways, on so many different levels. But what I know with certainty is that I am a better person, have learned so much, am stronger, and am so very blessed and honored to be her daughter. Hang in there, caregivers and loved ones...the journey ends all too soon. Then they are free of the torment, pain and confusion. Enjoy them as they are today. Treasure these moments. Rest In Peace, Ma. I will love you forever and will see you again someday.
Thank you for your lovely post. My deepest sympathy to you for the loss of your mom. Your words brought tears to my eyes. I, too, am a daughter who cared for a parent with dementia. It was my dad and it wasn't for nearly as long as you did. I was so blessed that he largely knew me and could call my name until the day he closed his eyes (10 days before he died).
The love you had for your mom came through your words. I pray God's blessings and comfort to you.