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I saw a video of someone on anguish because his mom didn't remember him. Oh, I've been there. Dementia sucks. As hard as it is on the loved ones just imagine how much harder it is for the person suffering from dementia. Not knowing me at times really didn't bother me as much as the fact that I just wanted her to not be anxious, so I just learned to go with the flow, let her be wherever/whoever she was at that moment, tried to redirect her when she was anxious, and not distress her by trying to make her remember. You can see in their eyes they don't remember, and that has to be terrifying for them. You know that terrible feeling you get when you've "misplaced" something, only to find it in your hand/purse/on top of your head? Just imagine that being your unrelenting reality every moment. And as they say, even if they don't remember you, you still know who they are. Hold onto that and honor it. My Mom didn't always know who I was. But I stayed by her side and tried to make her feel as safe and as loved as I possibly could. I traded roles throughout the day, sometimes I would be her daughter, her mother, her sister, her friend, her nurse, or sometimes just a bad cook who needed to be told so. Other times she would know me, and those moments were great. The 10 years I spent caring for her were such a blessing for me. Yes, difficult in so many ways, on so many different levels. But what I know with certainty is that I am a better person, have learned so much, am stronger, and am so very blessed and honored to be her daughter. Hang in there, caregivers and loved ones...the journey ends all too soon. Then they are free of the torment, pain and confusion. Enjoy them as they are today. Treasure these moments. Rest In Peace, Ma. I will love you forever and will see you again someday.

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Dees, what a lovely post. What a refreshing post. I know caregiving is hard.........the long goodbye as they say. But the way you expressed yourself was beautiful. I felt the same with my dear Mom. She has been gone three years and I still miss her so.
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Sorry for your loss. I lost my mom May 2nd, dementia. You sound so kind and caring. Good job. There’s definetly a place in heaven for you.
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What a loving and caring daughter, you are. I am so sorry for your loss. May God bless you for all the love you bestowed upon your  Dear Mom. I will keep you in my prayers.
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Dear Dees1963,
Thank you for your lovely post. My deepest sympathy to you for the loss of your mom. Your words brought tears to my eyes. I, too, am a daughter who cared for a parent with dementia. It was my dad and it wasn't for nearly as long as you did. I was so blessed that he largely knew me and could call my name until the day he closed his eyes (10 days before he died).

The love you had for your mom came through your words. I pray God's blessings and comfort to you.
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So sorry for your loss. Dementia does "suck", I am dealing with it right now with my husband. I almost lost him, due to poor care at a nursing facility where he was continually losing weight, vomiting, diarrhea, and severe dehydration. I brought him home and have him on hospice and he is flourishing. As a caregiver, it's a hard job, but at the end, I know I will not have any regrets because I did the best I could. All we can hope for is that somehow they feel our love and compassion for them. Peace and love
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What a beautiful sentiment. I lost my mom last June. I, too, felt blessed and honored that I could do what she needed. I hope it's OK, I am going to copy and post to my Facebook. Most people don't truly understand until it happens to them and this says so much. I always tell people that my friend gave me the best advice No matter what they do or say or how hurtful it may to just ignore it. They don't really know what they are saying and they don't mean it.
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Not everyone considers it a blessing when as a caregiver you’re abused verbally & physically every day. Every thing is a struggle....& a fight...taking meds, brushing teeth, getting ready for bed, everything a fight. Chest, stomach & head aches for me every day.
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Dees: You took the words right out of my mouth. That horrible disease took my wife of 69 years.
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Dees1963: I am so very sorry for your loss. Sending deepest condolences.
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So sorry for your loss! I care for my 88 yo mom with joy and delight! She doesn't have Dementia or Alzheimer's yet, but does have quite a bit of memory loss, due to a severe head injury during which she broke her neck. She does know all of her immediate family, but sometimes not others that she has had relationships with. She has long term memory, but cannot remember events of the past twenty years or so. You're an angel from Heaven, for caring for her so lovingly. Bless you!
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So Sorry for your loss, you sound like a Wonderful and Caring Daughter. Only time will ease your pain, but it does eventually get better. Be thankful that you have the Wonderful memories, and remember them often in the coming days. Again, sorry for your loss!
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Thank you for sharing this beautiful reflection. It mirrors exactly how my mother and I lived during the final four years of her life and the peace I live with now.
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So beautifully written, thank you! I hope I did half as well as you did in honoring my wonderful Mom. Miss her everyday.
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So, so very sorry for the loss of your beloved mother. It sounds like you had a wonderful relationship despite the loss that unavoidably accompanies dementia, and I'm certain your mother was aware of how well cared for she was by you. Sending thoughts and prayers for comfort and peace to you and your entire family.
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Hi Dees... I am so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you. I know how I treasure the time that I had with my Mom and Dad before they passed. They are memories I treasure. And though my honey has been giving me a hard time, I will always treasure the time the I have with him now whether it is a few days or years.

Hang in there and keep those memories close. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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Dees1963, I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mother. Your love, empathy, kindness & sharing of your journey is a sign of how giving your soul is... many blessings to you.
What a beautiful perspective to place on probably the hardest event of a lifetime... yours and hers.
Thank you for helping me sort my thoughts & perspectives on the 8 yrs of care I gave my Mother. She passed 6 months ago; feels like last month. In surveying these past years, am finding it challenging when picking up the negative pieces of the time of care (lost income/pension, emotional/physical exhaustion/trauma).
Your post has shed a very welcoming light on the richness of the extra time we had together. More valuable than gold.
Your post has helped to change a soul, here. Thank you.
I hope you know that you will be able to rest peacefully, in doing all that you did for your Mom. Your tribute to her is glorious.
- note to Tantailus, no, most times it never seems like we're doing enough... but you are -
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You did a fantastic thing, with your mum.

I send you loads of love to help you through the coming times.
Hugs
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Definitely a bittersweet experience; the goodbyes are the longest and just seeing them suffer is the hardest part because there is not much you can do to stop their anguish and torment...However, in spite all the ugliness, like everything else it has an end... stay strong and hold on to the good memories
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Thank you for putting the dementia issue in such great words - your mom a lucky lady to have had by her side in her last years - your next few months may be hard as you get accustomed to your way of life without her - try taking a trip to somewhere she always wanted to go to but just never did in her memory
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I am heart fully sorry for your great loss! I lost both my Mother and eldest sister 20 years ago. Not a day does goes by, that I do not miss them. Out of the 5 sisters, only one sister and I are left. Each died relatively young. I can only tell you that the pain goes away on your timeline. My heart is still bruised from my loss, but I know they are always with me and taking care of me.
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Thank you for posting this heart-felt tribute to your mother. You were generous and loving during these trying 10 years.
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Knowing this was going to happen with my DH, I started telling him that I was the crazy lady who was taking care of him.

Sometimes he knew me, sometimes not - but the love was always there.

I am sorry for your loss - but glad that you still love her in your memories.
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Wow, what a beautiful tribute to your mom! My mom passed April 10, I too took care of her for the past 10 plus years. Although she didn't have dementia, she had congestive heart failure among many other ailments. She suffered a cardiac arrest due to a potassium crash in January and that is what ultimately took her life in April. I am so very sorry your mom had dementia, I can't imagine watching your parent suffer from that horrible disease :( It is so very difficult taking care of a loved one, working full time and caring for your own family but I would not have had it any other way! Prayers for you and your family! Thank you for being there for your mom!
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Dee1963 I am sorry for your loss. My wife passed last September after taking care of her for 8 years. The last few lines of your caregiving experience is one of the things that I cherish is the Lessons Learned for me. I feel stronger from the journey and even though hard at times I am a better person today. I really learned to put"wheels on the word of Love" in taking care of my wife. I feel that is somewhat of what you also experienced. Job well Done!
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Thank you for writing that tribute . We are in the throes of the last days and wow, its harder than I thought it would be. Such an emotional up and down time. Have been doing this 8 years and yes, we become different people from this. It is a privilege to take care of our parents, even though it is probably the hardest thing ever to do- Much love to you as you begin a new chapter of your life. Be strong be blessed and know just how much people like you change the world.
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Dees, My sincerest condolences on your moms crossing over. You have written and your are a beautiful tribute to your Mom. I've been car8ng for Mom for 7 years now. She is completely dependent on myself and the aides now. SHE and I have these beautiful moments, now and then, that I call God kisses. It has been sometime since she had shown any inkling of you I am. I was adjusting her because she was slouching over. As I leaned iver her to straighten her , my face was clise to her, and she must've kissed me repeatedly at least 10 times. I was so moved, I just hugged her for a minute, said "I love you Mom" and then went to the bathroom to cry because my heart was so overwhelmed with love. God kisses! I honestly believe they "never" forget you they just loose the ability to let you know. Thank you so much for sharing. YES, you ARE A HEROINE! BIG HUG!
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Thank you for posting. It gives me a little added strength to keep going, which as you know is difficult at best at times. I am also glad for the time I have spent with Mom and gotten to know her in a gariety of ways, despite the sadness of watching her detioriorate. I know I am doing my best to give her the best life possible. I will always feel as though I'm not doung enough...
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Beautiful words by a caring wonderful daughter.
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This is lovely.
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I am so sorry for your loss. As you work through your grief, I want you to know that your post is like a gift from the universe. I had one of the worst days yet with my mother yesterday. I am trying to start today as a new day, with renewed determination to handle these challenges with as much patience, understanding and grace as I can muster. I will read your post many times and I know it's going to help me on this journey. I can't adequately express my gratitude for the loving thoughts and reflections you shared. Thank you so much. You can take great comfort in knowing you were a wonderful, loving daughter.
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