My beloved Mom passed on May 8, at home...

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I saw a video of someone on anguish because his mom didn't remember him. Oh, I've been there. Dementia sucks. As hard as it is on the loved ones just imagine how much harder it is for the person suffering from dementia. Not knowing me at times really didn't bother me as much as the fact that I just wanted her to not be anxious, so I just learned to go with the flow, let her be wherever/whoever she was at that moment, tried to redirect her when she was anxious, and not distress her by trying to make her remember. You can see in their eyes they don't remember, and that has to be terrifying for them. You know that terrible feeling you get when you've "misplaced" something, only to find it in your hand/purse/on top of your head? Just imagine that being your unrelenting reality every moment. And as they say, even if they don't remember you, you still know who they are. Hold onto that and honor it. My Mom didn't always know who I was. But I stayed by her side and tried to make her feel as safe and as loved as I possibly could. I traded roles throughout the day, sometimes I would be her daughter, her mother, her sister, her friend, her nurse, or sometimes just a bad cook who needed to be told so. Other times she would know me, and those moments were great. The 10 years I spent caring for her were such a blessing for me. Yes, difficult in so many ways, on so many different levels. But what I know with certainty is that I am a better person, have learned so much, am stronger, and am so very blessed and honored to be her daughter. Hang in there, caregivers and loved ones...the journey ends all too soon. Then they are free of the torment, pain and confusion. Enjoy them as they are today. Treasure these moments. Rest In Peace, Ma. I will love you forever and will see you again someday.

44 Comments

I am so sorry for your loss. Like you, I feel like taking care of my mom and dad in their final years was a blessing in my life. I learned a lot and was so grateful to be there for them when they needed me. I'm sure your mom knew you loved her and was grateful for your loving care. {{{Hugs}}}
I’m very sorry for your loss. Especially so in losing a much loved mother as I’ve traveled that path myself. I wish you peace and comfort in the days to come
What a lovely tribute to your mother, Dees. Your description really put her personality across :)

Time to take care of you, now. Wishing you every comfort as you adjust to a different way of life.
So sorry to hear your Mom has passed.
Dess, I too offer condolences on your loss. But your eloquent tribute to your mother reflects so much that you've gained from her. You have such a wonderful perspective on your relationship.

I think if we can gain while losing, we're more insightful people all around.
Thank you Dees for sharing your journey of caring for your mom with us. Your insights and encouragement are very helpful to those of us still traveling this caregiver's road. Bless you for your kind caring for your Mom all those years!
I, too, am sorry for your loss. You were a blessing to her, I hope you are aware of this and a HERO!
Dees, my heartfelt sympathy to you and your family.
So very sorry...
Very sorry. I realize my own dad died exactly two weeks ago tonight, so I can know how badly you feel. You wrote a very touching tribute to your mom. I pray for you for your days ahead. You are right, such a myriad of different feelings on so many different levels.

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