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My younger brother has cared for my dad the past 17 years but has now been dealing with medical problems of his own, so we decided to have my 90 yr. old dad come live with me & my husband. We were looking forward to going to the lake often, cause dad loves to fish. 3 days after he got here, he got real sick and had to be admitted to the hospital for a duodenal ulcer bleed. This man is a cancer survivor of the bladder, stomach and last year his colon. He also has had a corneal transplant in his left eye. Partial prothesis. He doesn't walk anymore. I bathe him in the morning, give him his eye drops and meds, then some cantaloupe, I get him up and into the wheelchair & out into the livingroom to watch his cowboy movies. Throughout the day we work on more eye drops and lunch and dinner. I give him a shave and a haircut every week. I work in the evenings and my husband cares for him while I am at work. I Love my Dad so much and it is an honor to care for him. The nurse that had been working with my Dad has suggested that we look into hospice so my dad's primary is going to call me. I'm not going to lie, I am kinda scared and very emotional lately because I am watching my dad decline pretty fast, he has lost a lot of weight and no matter what I prepare for him (Everything he asks for. Lol) he only takes a few bites here and there. Please forgive me for babbling on & on... just wished there was something I could do to make this more easier to go through. Right now, I am focused on keeping him as comfortable as possible & giving him anything he asks for. Thank you all for being a listening ear for me! God Bless you all!

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Oh God bless you. There’s no easy way to go through this. You are an amazing daughter and he is blessed to have you and your brother that cared for him. Praying he is comfortable and that God give you the strength to get through whatever is next. Take care.
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Your father has been a very blessed man. He had a loving son to care for him for so many years now a loving daughter to step up.

God has sure been good to him. To be 90 years old is a blessing.

Bless your heart. There is not much I can tell you but to put him into God's hand. We all belong to him. That's all we can do and pray for strength. Bless you.
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Thinking of you Tamara65. It is very emotional losing a much beloved parent.

Your father has been blessed to live a long life and he may just be tired of living. I’m happy that his PCP is at least compassionate enough to personally call you & your family. That is how it should be.

It’s hard but unfortunately a inevitable outcome. My mom passed at 89 . She lived a full life. She hung out with her 2 sisters (she was 1 of 11) for the last 10-15 years before her death after l graduated college and left. Her sisters died in 2007 & 2011. It was sad as they were so close.

I’ll be sending prayers your way today.
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Great big warm hug!🤗🤗🤗
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Thank you all for your kindness and encouragement! You truly are blessing to me! God Bless you all richly!
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I don't think I've ever read a post that describes better comfort care for a very, very elderly gentleman who has successfully fought dangerous illness. Your father must feel loved, respected and safe from pain and indignity; but with his medical history I am sure he also knows better than most that death itself is a reality that one day will come for us all.

Do consider hospice seriously, in discussion with your father. This isn't about giving up; it's about ensuring that all of the practical measures that may be needed for his comfort are in place. And it will be a support to you and your husband too.

Babble on as much as you like! Hugs.
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To me one of the keys to addressing his decline is that you feel it's "an honor to care for him."  Continue that thought, and consider that you'd be doing the best you could for him by getting hospice in, if it's really needed.   I would look either to his primary or a specialist who knows him well to confirm that observation.

There's no question but that this will be challenging, emotionally demanding, sad, and a blend of other emotions.   But remember that you're "doing the best" you can to provide for his end of life needs.    This may be the time when he needs you the most, and you'll be there. 

A friend told me that years ago and I thought of it often as my father segued into the end stages of his life.
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What you’re feeling sounds perfectly normal. I just lost my dad, same age as yours, after a short time on in home hospice care. It’s never easy to realize you aren’t going to have a beloved parent much longer. I did the same things of trying to make sure he was comfortable and as content as possible. I’m sure your dad knows your love and concern, and that’s all that matters. We found hospice to be a great support. Make sure to ask about which one has a good reputation in your area. I wish you peace in this
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Dear "Tamara65,"

Please know that it is perfectly normal for you to feel "scared" and "very emotional" watching your dad decline so fast. Bless all of you - your dad for everything he has been through with ALL his medical issues - your younger brother who has been caring for him for the past 17 years but, now has his own health issues and you for being such a loving, caring and thoughtful daughter who is trying to take over the reins in spite of working nights along with your supportive husband who cares for him while you're away at work.

Also, sometimes we may think it's the end when it's not - we just never can predict the outcome 100% accurately. My mom is 95 with Alzheimer's. She was mobile until April of this year. She was living in an ALF where she nearly died of severe dehydration and COVID along with bi-lateral pneumonia and a severe UTI. I thought she would die in the hospital and I wouldn't even have seen her because hospitals weren't allowing visitors - she didn't. She went to a physical therapy/rehab facility and her oxygen went down to 72 and I thought she would die - she didn't. She stopped eating, could no longer walk or dress herself because she was too weak and had lost 20 pounds - that's when hospice finally was able to step in. I had begun the process of calling the mortuary and had them send me the paperwork to fill out and I contacted the cemetery where she has a plot where my dad was buried. My husband and I moved her into a new facility in their MC wing in May. Mother's Day was horrible and I thought she was near death - she wasn't. Today, she is doing pretty darn good considering everything she has been through. She's eating some food and I bring her things they can give her if she doesn't want to eat what they give her. Even though the things I bring aren't the most nutritional, I try to bring what she likes, things that are easy to swallow and drinks - all of them providing her with calories.

I've been where you are with all the crying and fear it's what they call "anticipatory grief." I've done it at least 3 or 4 times since April when I got that fateful phone call.

You are doing great keeping him as comfortable as you can and giving him whatever he asks for. You see it as an honor to care for him in spite of how hard it is on you and your family physically and emotionally. When my dad died in 2004, I helped with his care, along with my mom helping and having hospice care and I wouldn't change a thing. I was there when he drew his last breath and I had never witnessed death before so in spite of how shocked and numb I felt, I'm so glad we were all by his side in that moment.

You are doing all that you can do - leave the rest in God's hands! You'll be in my thoughts and prayers and please give us an update whenever you can!!
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