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I know there are many threads of this subject, but I do need help as to what to expect and how to handle going in that door with my mother.
I am setting up her room friday(tomorrow) and doing all the paperwork, social worker things.
But omg that DAY. How does one cross that NH threshold?
What will happen? Do they greet her?
omg please whisk her away before she turns around and runs for me and fights them !
Please, many of you have been through it, hold my hand, I am frightened.

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I hope the day goes smooth and I agree with blannie and gladimhere. The facility should assist you make the transition. They have experience. I would definitely have a contact person to advise you and contact them to remind them when you are on your way and when you leave your mom and go home. This may all go very well. You are wise to prepare in advance. Please let me know how it goes. I will probably also face this someday.
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Mica, I sure understand your apprehension. Mom was moved to memory care three months ago. Her room was setup when she arrived after I picked her up at her day program. The staff at the NH are experts at this. They have done it many, many times and know all different methods to make it as easy for mom and YOU as possible. My guess is that it will be harder on you than on Mom. Just remember that your mom has professional staff to care for her. And while your mom may have a difficult adjustment, she will be ok. Just breathe and follow the lead of staff. Good Luck, and let us all know how it goes.
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I would also talk to the people where you're moving her to see how they normally recommend families handle it. They may have an established way of moving in new residents that works well for them and their staff. Good luck, you've got some great ideas and I'm confident you'll all be OK.
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After my friends left their mom at assisted living (different from Nh), we stayed to visit and she asked to have her sewing machine set up, and we got it threaded and working. Then, made sure the radio worked, tuned to her station.
Have found each person has something different to give to others. Look forward to the time away, and when you visit, your burdens will be lighter so you will feel like sharing, then. Rest up.
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Almost a happy occasion mixed with a little sad. Treat moving day just like any other change of residence, visit, bring a gift, point out what's good about the room, fix something small that needs improvement, ' can you move the dresser over 3 inches?' Stay for awhile if that is possible, don't run away; say when you will be back, ask, 'when would you like me to visit?.
Of course, this may not work for your particular situation. It depends on the needs of the patient. If you show fear and trepidation, that can make things tense.
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There was a similar question asked recently and there were some good answers.

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/move-easy-for-dad-to-assisted-living-185662.htm (and no, I didn't select this thread because I was one of the posters!)

Here are a lot of articles and hits for the same issue:

https://www.agingcare.com/search.aspx?searchterm=AL+move%2c+easing+transition
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: - ) Yes, my Mom had dementia and was 96 + when we moved her into memory care! She was a gem and VERY easy going. I visited every day unless someone else was gong to be with her. (Easy as I selected a place near to me). We 'read' magazines together (looking at fashion mags and discussing the colors and size of the heels). I put lotion on her arms and legs. We had 'beauty' days where I put moisturizer on her face and did her nails. We took walks in the garden even in the winter if the sun was out, I just bundled her up. (Fresh air, ahh-hh) We sang the 'old songs' together. The music from their youth stays with them. One day I started a sing a long at meal time while the aides were getting the plates ready. The residents loved it and all sang along! (Daisy/Daisy; you are my sunshine, etc) The aides in their 20s thought the music was awful but I think the current music is awful as well. Up til a month before my mom passed she was able to say prayers with me. That long term memory is locked in! As long as I could get my Mom to do something with me, I felt better and the time passed more easily.
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wow. Did your mom have alzheimers? I cannot imagine doing all that...
When I 'tricked' her into moving into an apartment next door it actually went well, brought all her stuff over while she was at lunch- but that was 6yr ago and she is more ill now.
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Mica, each of our experiences differ but each of us that entered our loved ones into a facility had the same fears and anxiety you are experiencing! So, Take a deep breath! Dementia is very debilitating and I really don't see how any single family can help someone through it 24/7 for years on end.

So, when my Mom was going into an assisted living (AL) it was a move from rehab after hip surgery. I told my Mom that the doctor wanted her to continue to get more practice walking but she didn't need as much care now . (I call this gentle story telling!) My sister drove to the rehab and traveled on the ambulance with my Mom. I was at the AL (and like you the room was all set up) waiting for them to arrive We had done all of the paperwork and the arrival time was shortly before lunch time. We showed Mom her room and wheeled her around to the nearby areas. After lunch was served to the residents, we came in and had lunch together, my sister, mom and me. After lunch we showed her the rest of the place including the outside gardens. Then we brought her to the activity room and they were having refreshments. At this point we got a nod from the activity person and told Mom we would see her the next day (and we did). My Mom was very peaceful throughout her dementia journey, we were blessed. You will be able to visit and spend time and do the extras with your Mom while others do the 'heavy lifitng'. She will be better off and so will you. You can (and should) visit as often as you want to. You might have something to do that day of arrival so you aren't sitting there staring at each other ... a puzzle, deck of cards (can she sort colors in it?) whatever to take the edge off. Good luck, I'll be thinking about you.
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Yes, the big day! Haven't gone through it, was ready at one point but Mom got better. The place I was working with was great. They had the welcome wagon ready. They want people to stay, fill the rooms and be profitable. It's in their interest to help you make a smooth transition. Talk to them about the details.
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I haven't taken anyone to a nursing home before. I did place my loved one in Assisted Living, then Memory Care, but I'm not sure how similar or different they are from a nursing home. I would try to stay positive, not invite a lot of discussion and make the place as comfortable and home-like as possible. I would say positive things about the place and be available if they need to reach you. There are varying opinions about how often to visit at first.
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