Moving mom into Assisted Living after living in my home 3 yrs.


Taking care of mom for over 3 years by myself had been increasingly difficult...She's now 88 and when she started living w/me & hubby I knew I was going to be the one to take care of her & I wanted to, as she had a rough adult life...After her 2 brain aneurysms then stroke 14 yrs ago she's never been the same. My dad was taking care of her, but as far as I was concerned not getting the best care. I tried to help long distance, but he said it was none of my business. So, after he passed 3 yrs ago I thought I cld make a difference in my moms life, but it was too late. She was used to being a recluse, I tried so hard to get her involved in social activities, but not very successful. Over the years it became more demanding & more depressing & overwhelming for me. I quit my job to stay home to take care of her, mom helped financially so I wouldn't have to work so that wasn't the issue. I felt I needed to something bec it was becoming more difficult so a friend told me you'll know when it's time to move her to assisted living, etc. Well, it became time and now there are different responsibilities.
I'm sorry I'm really getting long winded, I was trying to keep it short, but....Anyway, guess my question to all of you was has anyone experienced moving a parent into assisted living & having guilt & at the same time enjoyed having your home back. But then worrying if the parent is doing okay at the alf???? I'm my own worst enemy! I just want her to feel loved & be as happy is she can be under the circumstances. Any comments...sorry my story is sooo long. Thanks for listening/reading.


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Assisted Living is a great concept. They can provide high level of care to seniors.Here people can design and manage their own neighborhoods, they can create physical and social environments in which they can happily live their lives. Staff members are fully dedicated to serving the residants.

Fran, no one can tell you if what you did was the right thing or the right time to do it. But now that you have placed your mom, there is nothing wrong with feeling relief for yourself and being scared for her.
As VW said, you need to visit and make sure she is taken care of properly, but you also need to remember that the care will be different from what you could give at home. Visit often so they know you are making sure your mom is treated well. If they know you are a frequent visitor, they will be more likely to make sure she is well cared for. But also try not to make yourself crazy trying to be there all the time. The main reason for placing her guide your decisions. You did your best and are still doing your best, so try to relax and enjoy your new found freedom!! Good luck!!!

Yes, I've been through the same thing with my mother-in-law when we moved her into an assisted living facility. There is guilt and enjoyment at the same time - and there is nothing wrong with that. Now you just have to check on her to ensure she is being cared for. It will not be the same type of care that she got living with you, but nevertheless, she should be cared for appropriately. And if something is not being done, report it to management and give them a chance to do it right. The hardest part is "letting go". Your mother is where she needs to be. You've done what you could and now it's time to let someone else do it. It is up to her if she is happy or unhappy. You can't "make" her enjoy herself there, but you can visit her and you will not be as stressed out - so your visits will be more enjoyable with her. In no time, I bet she meets a couple of people and will be okay.