Moving in with parents; currently in good health, but will have dementia and other problems in 10 yrs or so. Need help drafting agreement.

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My husband and I may be moving in with his parents in two years. They will be purchasing a large house. I know we will need to get their expectations and come to an agreement on how my husband and I will be handling their care when they 1- become difficult and 2-decline so much that we are not capable of handling them. We may be drafting a written agreement concerning the shared cost of the living arrangement, and I think we need to include provisions for their health and our care of them; what will happen to their house/assets, etc.

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1. The first is plainly obvious, but often times the most difficult: have a conversation with your parent(s) about their finances. This is often a very awkward and upsetting for everyone involved, but is highly necessary and will lessen the pain down the road. Try to reassure your parent(s) that you are not trying to take control of their finances, but you are simply trying to make sure that they have everything they need, and that you have a deep understanding of their wishes.

2. Make sure all their paperwork is there and in order. In an emergency, you will need to act on your parent’s behalf and therefore you (or another reliable family member) will have to hold legal authority. They will need to have signed a durable power of attorney and/or a DNR (depending on their wishes and beliefs). Also, a durable power of attorney for health care, and a living will is highly advisable. These forms are often available at local senior centers.

3. Talk about the prospect of hiring a live-in nurse or someone that could provide geriatric care, if needed. Again, like number one, this is often a difficult conversation to have, but will help in gaining a better understanding of the needs of your parents, as well as their wishes.

I encourage everyone with thoughts and/or experiences on the matter to chime in and share information with other readers who may be struggling with similar issues. The more valuable information, the better.

I do hope this article is of help to you and your family~

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Maybe you should be printing off and reading some of the posts on this website about the living arrangements that you're talking about. While they still have their brains, I'd be telling them what COULD happen and what they think should be done if it does. I know before finding this website, it never occurred to me of these situations that I have read about. It was an eye opener for sure.
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